The Past influences the future, as well as the present.
Fortune Cookies
:
Last Christmas
by Cybertron1986
Background This an ongoing chapter from the book, "Demons, Heroes, and Fortune Cookies." El, is in search for identity, belonging and acknowledgement in a world that is confused to him...as he is to himself.
The song played on his CD stereo as it had for the last three years, regardless of the day of the year including the seasons - Spring, Summer, Fall or Winter. Whether it looped on El's last three cassette stereos, CD Walkmans or rewound on the cassette deck of his Toyota Tercel, El played that one song over and over like a morning, afternoon and nighttime prayer for three years...
straight...
EVERY day.
Each time, when the song reached a particular lyric sung by George Michael,
(...you gave it away.
But this year, to save me from tears,
I'll give it to someone special.)
another flashback from El's childhood replayed in his mind much like how the song replayed on his stereo.
Only time could tell if El would be capable of letting his past go in order to see that moment described by George Michael regarding that special moment in which he would give his heart "to someone special."
If ever that day would come, it would not be this year; nor would his heart be given to Jennifer, the University's head cheerleader, who is rubbing her arm against his side as they sit on the edge of his dorm bed, staring at El's textbook.
Distracted, Jenifer's concentration was not equally in tuned with El's wavelength of determination to pass next week's grammar test regarding subject/verb agreement. Instead, because of El's lack of interest, she worries of going home with her expectations unfulfilled.
El reminisces of a Christmas Eve memory sparked by the WHAM! song, "Last Christmas,"
Christmas Eve 1979, Stockton, California...
"But...," a six year old El sobs as his father turns his attention to the visiting relatives. El observes his second cousin, a boy he's never met before, slowly opening the present with El's name handwritten on the tag. From underneath the colorful Christmas wrapping, he watches as his distant cousin proudly holds up a collectible Batmobile bubble bath toy, a favorite vehicle from El's favorite Saturday morning cartoon which his mom purchased for him, not his cousin.
"...D-Dad. Mommy bought that for me," he explains.
El pleads as thoughts of Adam West and Burt Ward from the original Batman series play in his mind like a toy commercial.
Even as the tears drop onto his Christmas socks, nobody in the room shows concern to El's despair, nor acknowledge how this Christmas Eve would replace the joys and meaning of the Holidays with dejection for the rest of El's life.
It takes one more glass of whisky before El's father finds the pleasure in informing his youngest child that none of the remaining presents underneath the Christmas tree had his name on them. El's big brother walks over, punches him on the chest while yelling for him to quiet down.
His father sees El get hit again, this time on the head. He approaches El and lightheartedly makes an empty promise that he would take him to Toys R Us and find a Batmobile that would be a hundred times bigger, IF he quiets down.
El's gut tells him there could be no replacement for his mother's gift. Yet, the thought of visiting Toys R Us with his father, whom he loved without question, comforts El, his innocent smile illuminates with trust.
November 1996, back in SFSU Mary Park Hall, El's dorm room...
The flashback in El's memory fades as the song concludes, but the verse repeats like a broken record in his head.
"You gave it away...
You gave it away...
You gave it away..."
"El," Jennifer says, attempting to get his attention. "Did you hear what I said?"
As if he just returned from a long absence, El asks Jennifer to repeat herself.
"I broke up with my boyfriend...last week."
She waits for El to reply, or at the very least respond with any kind of emotion other than an uncomfortable smile.
Perhaps, it was the childhood trauma of his father giving away his toy Batmobile for Christmas which El could not forget that prevented him from understanding Jennifer's current relationship status. Or, perhaps, it was the permanent damage to El's underdeveloped sense of trust by his father who had yet to keep his promise to take him to Toys R Us twenty years later that affected El's ability to recognize the emotions connected with longing. The emotional void was evident in El's reply...
"El," Jennifer continues, "I'm accepting applications."
"For what?" he asks, confused.
Jennifer, confident she will take El home to meet her parents for Thanksgiving break, takes a different approach, never realizing that nobody alive could be THIS oblivious to something so obvious.
"You know...applications for my boyfriend opening. Do you want to apply?" She asks, blinking her long eyelashes.
Eager to return to the subject of past participles in conversational Japanese, El expresses his true feelings to her.
"Sorry," El answers. "I'm not ready for work."
Author Notes
Please read past chapters from my book, "Demons, Heroes and Fortune Cookies." Please note this is an ongoing project that has yet to be completed. Chapter 29, "Last Christmas," takes place after a visit from an unexpected visitor, Jennifer, the University's Head Cheerleader who asks our hero, El, to assist her in tutoring her for next week's class test in Japanese literature. Instead, she discovers how awkwardly unique El really is.
