| General Script posted October 12, 2020 |
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Pons and Ned meet at a diner
Scene at a Diner
by Bill Schott
Characters: Pons = bright dude Ned = dimmer Fed = rotund fellow Hed = brainy The scene opens in a diner. Four men are sitting in a concave booth at center stage. Pons: It's good to see you guys. Glad we could all get together. Ned: It's swell seein' you too, Cuz. Fed: Are there menus? Hed: I have actually memorized the menu if you would like me to share it with you. Pons: I saw a remake of The Dirty Dozen on the tube yesterday. Ned: What don't the Dirty do? Fed: I wish I had a menu to memorize. I'm thinking of maybe getting a salad. Hed: They have a Chef salad, Apple and cranberry salad, Cobb salad, Caesar salad, and a wedge. Pons: I said Dirty Dozen, Ned, not Dirty Don't. Ned: Okay, Pons. So what didn't them dirty dudes do? Fed: Did you say The Dirty Dozen? Hed: No, just those five. They must have discontinued those other offensive ones. Pons: They've updated the characters and the situation. Ned: So they ain't in Mexico savin' them farmers from the locah baddeeno? Fed: What about sandwiches? Hed: They have five with a side salad or soup. Ham and cheese, brisket, meatball, ground sirloin, or mutton. Pons: You're thinking of The Magnificent Seven, Ned. Ned: So they got 'emselfs five more dudes and they all could use a good washin' up. That's a head-turner right there, Cuz. Fed: What are the soup choices? Hed: The soup du jour is usually gumbo, which is an amalgamate of the previous days left-overs. They typically serve navy bean soup, basil tomato, split pea, French onion, clam chowder, and chili con carne. Pons: No, Ned. One was an old cowboy western and the other was during World War II. Ned: Man! That there's a upgrade fer sure. Was that War a them Worlds in Mexico too? Fed: The gumbo sounds intriguing; could be a real duke's mixture. Hed: Precisely so; the soup chef's name IS Duke and he maintains this occupation while also selling multiple bodily fluids each month. He has a tattoo of a spider on his face. Pons: World War II, Ned. Ned: So's this new flick a redo a that first'n or the seagull? Fed: Maybe I'll skip the soup and get just a Cobb salad. Hed: I'm getting a water and maybe some saltines. Pons: Okay, Ned. Let's start over. There's a Dirty Dozen remake. Ned: Gotcha. Fed: Did you say a dozen doughnuts rebaked? Hed: This seems odd, Pons. Are you lying? Why would you lie about doughnuts? Pons: I wouldn't lie about doughnuts, Hed. Ned: I lied about doughnuts once. Fed: I lie about doughnuts regularly. Hed: At the risk of affecting the high level of our informal chat, I would like to know more about this doughnut movie. Pons: (sighing with a smile) Okay, fellas. The movie is The Dirty Dozen Doughnuts. To be continued...
Thanks to meg119 for use of the art
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and 2 member cents. Artwork by meg119 at FanArtReview.com 
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