I don't tell anyone my greatest fear because there is nothing I can do about it. I fear what a good amount of people fear. I fear dying. When I was a kid, I found ways to stay up as long as possible because I was scared that if I went to sleep, I wouldn't wake up.

As I got older, I started staying up later. I convinced myself that if I stayed up to see the sun, to see the beginning of a new day, I could go to sleep because I had made it to the next day, and I was safe.

I am afraid of nothingness. I used to cry alone in my room, frozen in fear over ceasing to exist. What if there is nothing after this life? What if I am surrounded by darkness, unable to feel and touch the world around me? What if there is not even that? What if there is absolutely nothing and I'm just gone? These are the thoughts that kept me up night after night.

Now, as an adult, I suffer from insomnia.

I try not to let that fear overcome me anymore, and I put those evening hours to use by writing. I have come to terms with the fact that it will happen, and I hope that I am an ancient woman in my bed surrounded by my children and grandchildren and maybe even some great-grandchildren. I often remind myself that worrying about death only gives it power over me and prevents me from living while I am still alive.

In an attempt to take control of this fear, I began writing horror stories. I try to channel that fear of death into something useful. I learn about the different ways people can meet their end, so when it is my time, and I'm in that bed, I will know that it could have been worse, it could have hurt, and I will be thankful if there is any peacefulness to my death.

It's strange for me to think that my fear of death is what led me to the path in life I believe I should have been on all along because without it I never would have taken this road. Without it, I wouldn't cherish the moments of joy and love in each and every day of my life.