Humor Flash Fiction posted July 31, 2020

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Sometimes you just need a friend to feel safe.

Battle Buddies

by Mia Twysted



"Jake, I gotta go."

"You should have gone earlier, Mike."

"I didn't have to go earlier. Come on, Jake."




"Bogie to the left."


"We're good, move out."

"Just like old times, huh?"

"I miss doing these things with you. "

"Me too. Halt, Back. Wait. Move."

"No light! It might alert the natives."

"Reflex, Bonnie is scared of the bathroom when it's dark. So we try to keep the light on at night."

"Kevin can't seem to stay out of the bathroom these days."

"Oh, he's reached that age, has he?"

"I swear he's in there from the moment he comes home from school to the time he goes to bed. And I'm not even going to mention how often he is in there on the weekend."

"He's going to wear it out."

"You try telling him that. I've started asking him to move it to his room. It won't save us any money on the bottles of lotion the boy goes through, but at least the shitter will be open when I've got to go."

"Ahh, to be a teenage boy again."

"At least he makes sense to me. Kathy's nothing but confusing. I try to help her; she tells me I'm smothering her independence. I give her space to do it her way, and she's wounded because I didn't care enough to try and help. I tell you some days I can't win with my kids."

"That's it. I've decided Bonnie is never going to grow up."

"Good luck with that."

"Man, what did you eat today?

"You don't want to know. Did you hear that?"

"I'm on it. Damn."

"Careful man. I tell your wife you broke your neck jumping out of the tub while I was taking a shit, and she'll put me in the grave right beside you."

"First, this tub isn't as big as it used to be. Second, she'd dump your corpse in the same hole."

"I like her better every day."

"Nothing but a curious feline. It took one whiff and ran away."

"It's not that bad, man."

"You can't smell your own stink, can you?"

"Yours is just as bad."

"No argument there."

"You have to go?"


"Alright, then the file has been downloaded."

"You ever think this is some messed up shit?"

"Which piece is messed up?"

"Not your shit, shit. You know, this shit."

"Oh, this shit, not that shit. I can't say it's normal."

"You finished yet?"

"Crack's clean. Proceeding with waste disposal."

"Let's head back."

"I've got your six."

"Corridor clear proceed."

"Easy as pie."

"We ready for the 3-legged race tomorrow?"

"Ready to retake that trophy back from Uncle Earl and Aunt Pat."

"Uncle Earl should have been disqualified at the last reunion."

"You'd think a man who's in his seventies would resort to tripping his nephews."

"If only we could have convinced Dad to review the tapes."

"Mission accomplished."

"Nice working with you private. Now, do you need me to tuck you in?"

"I think I can manage, but thanks for the offer. You'd make someone a great big brother."

"Keep talking."

"No, really, you would."

"I hear ya."

"I'm not lying."

"Go to sleep."


"Yeah, Mike."

"It's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too."


"Goodnight, baby brother."

Dialogue Only Writing Contest contest entry
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

Artwork by Browncat at

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