Self Improvement Poetry posted July 3, 2020


Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Warning a lengthy poem: a look into an ADHD brain w/anxiety

... anxiety tries to rule ...

by Melodie Michelle


I dedicate this to everyone out there struggling with this intense mental disorder ... You are NOT alone and you are NOT CrAzY! You CAN manage this disorder with intense and rigerous mind power. The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
On the verge ...
... dangerous trepidation ...
... agitates
deep inside ...

... anxiety tries to rule ...

daily struggles ...
monotonous ...
nothing seems
to change ...

am I left
all alone ...
in a fog left
by the world
passing me by,
never giving
me a thought.
I'm just here
sitting alone
in my little home ...

... anxiety tries to rule ...

I can sense
happiness just
beyond my reach ...
It's weird
but I "feel" things
and unlike
other people ...
I have those skills
you just can't teach
ADHD management
unmedicated
is not out of reach ...

I'm kinda
stuck where
I am right now ...
emotionally, I mean!
Not in the worst
or the best
of moods ...
I just wish
I knew how ...

... anxiety tries to rule ...

I want to do "normal"
things in life,
like everyone else ...
like going
to the store,
driving to
visit a friend,
spending
some time
at a park
just like I
used to do
... before ...


... anxiety tried to rule ...

I still
have a way
to go
since that
light bulb
came on ...
several
months ago.
I try
not to get
withdrawn ...
as I strive to
calm my mind
and not act
like some
evil troll

... unmedicated ...

ADHD runs
through
my head ...
running amuck ...
while it rips
my brain
to shreds ...

... anxiety tries to rule ...

Holding it
together ...
for what
I'm not sure.
My sweet guy
is amazing
to me ...
I'm kinda tired
of having to
pretend
I'm so strong.
I'm really not
and when
it comes
to me ...
I'm usually
never wrong ...
ADHD won't
allow me
to listen
to even
one damn song ...

Minutes tick by ...
ever so slow
and I get
so anxious
and the feeling
doesn't want
to leave ...
Thats when
I don't know
what to do
or where to go
or especially
what to believe ...

... anxiety tries to rule ...

I try not
to overthink
things,
I forcibly
calm my brain ...
by getting
online
to write
or to
help someone
in need,
just to take it
all off my mind ...

... anxiety tries to rule ...

In those
challenging
ADHD moments
of anxiety
times ten ...
much to
my chagrin ...
scattered
thoughts
begin pounding down
on me like
a hard fast rain ...
Closing my eyes
I try to escape.
I was locked
in that moment ...
which means
there's no choice
... but ...
to deal
with this pain ...
ADHD is never
going to be tame ...

... anxiety tries to rule ...

I've come
a very long way
in my journey
of seeking
self awareness ...
Wisdom abounds
more in my soul
and beyond
than it did before
and that is
rare for me ...
It's somewhat
similar to
a true
"self bonding"
experience
you see ...

Bonding with yourself
isn't as easy
as you may think ...
You have to
dig deep inside
and beyond
your inner core ...
So it all comes together
magically,
in perfect sync ...
Consistency
is the key
just practice it
more and more ...

Overcoming
mental disorders
takes a lot
of mental work ...
some say they
want the mind power I possess
to take control of their brain,
and rid them
of the anxiety,
no need
to confess!

They'd rather
take the easy
way and
not put
in any real work,
so they take
shortcuts
not realizing by doing so,
shows off their
ADHD quirks ...
That makes
it difficult
to help people
like me ...
They want
to just
get the prize
and be
ADHD free!
That won't do ...
You have to
be determined
And research like
you're still
in school ...

... anxiety tries to rule ...

Anxiety stunts
you spiritually
preventing your
emotional growth ...
causing your brain
and emotions
not to
develop properly ...
It really sucks
having anxiety
and ADHD both ...

Waiting
to be formally
diagnosed ...
is a hard thing
to do as
an adult
these days ...
All I want is help
to be "normal" ...
and bring
awareness
that ADHD isn't
just some phase ...

... anxiety tries to rule ...

I'm not defined
by my
mental health
issues
or disorder
"thing" ...
I adore
the creativity
that ADHD
brings ...
but I try
to stay away
from people
because, for
the most part
they just don't
support you
much, because
they don't get
the ADHD "thing"

I'm going
to smoke
a doob
about now ...
it definitely
takes the
rough edges
away ...
Right now,
I want
to pay
attention
to my guy...
who's lying
beside me ...
He knows
that I
don't play ...
I'll turn
out the light
and snuggle up
nice and he will
snuggle back
and hold
onto me
Placing me
exactly,
right where I'm
supposed to be
while keeping me
anxiety free ...

... anxiety WILL NOT rule ...

and living with ADHD
is definitely
not very cool ...




Recognized


People with ADHD live in a permanent present and have a hard time learning from the past or looking into the future to see the inescapable consequences of thier actions. Acting without thinking is a definition of impulsivity, and one of the reasons that individuals with ADHD have trouble learning from experience.

JetBlue Airways founder, David Neeleman, prides himself on having thought outside the box to invent the e-Ticket and establish the airline. "With the disorganization, procrastination, inability to focus, and all the other bad things that come with ADHD, there also comes creativity and the ability to take risks"

Everyone has bad days. But when you've got attention deficit disorder (ADHD or ADD), it sometimes feels like that God may have conspired against you and no amount of effort or positive thinking will make a difference. Here's the thing: Negative thinking just leads to lower self-esteem, which leads to bad choices and even worse reactions. Stopping that negative cycle is hard, BUT IT IS POSSIBLE!

You work twice as hard as everyone else just to maintain a sense of normalcy, so you know what it means to persevere in hard times. This resiliency is a huge strength and one that many adults with ADHD don't give themselves enough credit for possessing.

I'm still in the process of improving my brain. I want it to be strong and flexible, capable of creating great things. It's taking practice and lots of hard work, but I'm learning the art of working in bursts: going hyper focus (when we are at our most creative) on things for a short while and then taking a break. I don't sleep a lot and I have to watch that when I'm in hyper focus and writing a poem or working on my future ebooks because it is not good to allow yourself to become sleep deprived.

I'm not medicated for ADHD because I've lived with it all these years from childhood until now and I prefer to manage it on my own. It was only late in 2019 that I became aware I suffered from this disorder as a child. I just never was aware of it. Things I did and mistakes I made back then, made perfect sense to me now. I wasn't CrAzY or stupid, I just suffered from ADHD!

It's like there's a consistent feeling of anxiety deep in my soul that if it's a good day, it won't last or duplicate. And if it's a bad day and it could get worse. I never know when the positive mood will fall out. I strive extra hard and I fight those thoughts off.

That's why I am such a positive person and I look for the positivity in any negative situation! No matter what "ANXIETY" is trying to tell me. I will not surrender to those type of thoughts.
Know that negativity is not your friend, regardless of your ADHD status! It takes an AMAZING amount of mind power to accomplish remaining positive, especially when ANXIETY IS TRYING TO RULE and plant false thoughts in your brain.

You have to develop a strong mind and I do brain exercises daily to keep it strong, it's not an option for me not too.
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