I'll hold fast to all the deep
in him
all so human and valuable
to me.

Now I stand apart, watch him sideways
and lost,
the lines of our script changed
overnight.
Even his chair, with a brown blanket
seems more
a stage prop than reality.

I watch with wet steel eyes how
a stupid
disease devours my husband.
I wish
he just pretends, provokes, and challenges me.
I rage
in silence: now STOP this nonsense,
step out
of it, don't act the fool with me.
It is
clear I can't postpone my anger.

I almost choke, stamp out
of the
house, bang the door
and run
with heavy feet, kick at stones
and yell
at too red roses.


wet steel flows.