| Satire Fiction posted March 4, 2020 |
  |
to scam or not to scam
Kevin Kleine
by Iza Deleanu
The author has placed a warning on this post for violence.
- Hello, Sir, my name is Kevin.
- Kevin the Clown?
- No, Sir, Kevin Kleine.
- Kleine? You mean Kevin Little?
- No, Sir, just Kleine. I am calling you...
- Yeah, you are calling me, why?
- I am calling you on behalf...
- What? There is another HÃlfte, zu Half?
- Ja, I mean, yes, I am calling you on behalf of Tribune Post...
- What? Tribune? Do we still have one? I thought this was over with ... Jefferson?
- Jefferson?
- Yes, Thomas Jefferson, the president of the United States.
- I thought Trump is the president...
- How old are you sonny?
- I am eighteen years old, Sir.
- Aahh, that explains it. You were not born at that time, and they don't teach you proper American history nowadays.
- Anyway, so I am calling you from the newspaper, Tribune Post, with a special offer.
- What Post? I thought we got rid of the Post, now we have special delivery -- door to door!
- Sir, not that Post, I am talking about the newspaper.
- Sonny, I have not seen a new paper since Internet took over the fiber
- Fibre?
- Yeah fibre optic,ethereal connection you know!
- Hm! Ehte.. . what? Sir, this is not part of my script.
- It's not? Then what it is?
- I am supposed to call you and sell you...
- Sell me? Sonny, I am not your slave to sell me, and besides that I am too old for human trafficking. No sex and no good organs for selling, here!
- Sir, I actually wanted to sell you life insurance.
- Live insurance? Wow, ist' there an off-line offering?
- Sir, no live, LIFE like in life, alieve.
- Why do you think I need a life insurance,Sonny?
- Well, with the new Coronavirus, and since you are old, you know you can insure your life for five bucks a month and if you ... you know... your wife will...
- My wife, will what?
- She will have money to live after you.
- So, you are saying you will pay five bucks per month, is that right, Little?
- Yeah.
- If I want my wife to have something after me, I must live at least ten years to make a profit. Right?
- No, Sir, you can die in a few months...if you like!
- Corona is not allowing a few months... If you get it, you are gone.
- No, Sir, we guarantee at least one hundred bucks return on investment. I just need your account information for the paperwork.
- Account? You mean my shoe box?
- Shoe box, Sir?
- Yeah, Little, I don't trust the banks, so I keep all my savings in a shoe... box.
- I can't register a Shoe ... Box. Can you transfer one hundred from that Shoe?
- No, I can't. My Box does only face to face transactions. If you want me, come and get me, if you know what I mean!
- Sir, who am I talking to?
- Sonny, you are talking to your DEATH, now how about that life insurance, do you want it or not?
- What?
- Yeah, you have ten seconds left. I will soon get the bonus for keeping you on line.
- What line?
In the background, we can hear some commotion and breaking of doors.
- Sonny, make up your mind fast, otherwise...
Somebody calls:
-Drop the phone, FBI!
-Son of g...
We can hear some shoots in the background.
- Sonny, are you there?
- He is gone. Nice job, Jefferson.
They Could Have Said... contest entry
- Hello, Sir, my name is Kevin.
- Kevin the Clown?
- No, Sir, Kevin Kleine.
- Kleine? You mean Kevin Little?
- No, Sir, just Kleine. I am calling you...
- Yeah, you are calling me, why?
- I am calling you on behalf...
- What? There is another HÃlfte, zu Half?
- Ja, I mean, yes, I am calling you on behalf of Tribune Post...
- What? Tribune? Do we still have one? I thought this was over with ... Jefferson?
- Jefferson?
- Yes, Thomas Jefferson, the president of the United States.
- I thought Trump is the president...
- How old are you sonny?
- I am eighteen years old, Sir.
- Aahh, that explains it. You were not born at that time, and they don't teach you proper American history nowadays.
- Anyway, so I am calling you from the newspaper, Tribune Post, with a special offer.
- What Post? I thought we got rid of the Post, now we have special delivery -- door to door!
- Sir, not that Post, I am talking about the newspaper.
- Sonny, I have not seen a new paper since Internet took over the fiber
- Fibre?
- Yeah fibre optic,ethereal connection you know!
- Hm! Ehte.. . what? Sir, this is not part of my script.
- It's not? Then what it is?
- I am supposed to call you and sell you...
- Sell me? Sonny, I am not your slave to sell me, and besides that I am too old for human trafficking. No sex and no good organs for selling, here!
- Sir, I actually wanted to sell you life insurance.
- Live insurance? Wow, ist' there an off-line offering?
- Sir, no live, LIFE like in life, alieve.
- Why do you think I need a life insurance,Sonny?
- Well, with the new Coronavirus, and since you are old, you know you can insure your life for five bucks a month and if you ... you know... your wife will...
- My wife, will what?
- She will have money to live after you.
- So, you are saying you will pay five bucks per month, is that right, Little?
- Yeah.
- If I want my wife to have something after me, I must live at least ten years to make a profit. Right?
- No, Sir, you can die in a few months...if you like!
- Corona is not allowing a few months... If you get it, you are gone.
- No, Sir, we guarantee at least one hundred bucks return on investment. I just need your account information for the paperwork.
- Account? You mean my shoe box?
- Shoe box, Sir?
- Yeah, Little, I don't trust the banks, so I keep all my savings in a shoe... box.
- I can't register a Shoe ... Box. Can you transfer one hundred from that Shoe?
- No, I can't. My Box does only face to face transactions. If you want me, come and get me, if you know what I mean!
- Sir, who am I talking to?
- Sonny, you are talking to your DEATH, now how about that life insurance, do you want it or not?
- What?
- Yeah, you have ten seconds left. I will soon get the bonus for keeping you on line.
- What line?
In the background, we can hear some commotion and breaking of doors.
- Sonny, make up your mind fast, otherwise...
Somebody calls:
-Drop the phone, FBI!
-Son of g...
We can hear some shoots in the background.
- Sonny, are you there?
- He is gone. Nice job, Jefferson.
- Kevin the Clown?
- No, Sir, Kevin Kleine.
- Kleine? You mean Kevin Little?
- No, Sir, just Kleine. I am calling you...
- Yeah, you are calling me, why?
- I am calling you on behalf...
- What? There is another HÃlfte, zu Half?
- Ja, I mean, yes, I am calling you on behalf of Tribune Post...
- What? Tribune? Do we still have one? I thought this was over with ... Jefferson?
- Jefferson?
- Yes, Thomas Jefferson, the president of the United States.
- I thought Trump is the president...
- How old are you sonny?
- I am eighteen years old, Sir.
- Aahh, that explains it. You were not born at that time, and they don't teach you proper American history nowadays.
- Anyway, so I am calling you from the newspaper, Tribune Post, with a special offer.
- What Post? I thought we got rid of the Post, now we have special delivery -- door to door!
- Sir, not that Post, I am talking about the newspaper.
- Sonny, I have not seen a new paper since Internet took over the fiber
- Fibre?
- Yeah fibre optic,ethereal connection you know!
- Hm! Ehte.. . what? Sir, this is not part of my script.
- It's not? Then what it is?
- I am supposed to call you and sell you...
- Sell me? Sonny, I am not your slave to sell me, and besides that I am too old for human trafficking. No sex and no good organs for selling, here!
- Sir, I actually wanted to sell you life insurance.
- Live insurance? Wow, ist' there an off-line offering?
- Sir, no live, LIFE like in life, alieve.
- Why do you think I need a life insurance,Sonny?
- Well, with the new Coronavirus, and since you are old, you know you can insure your life for five bucks a month and if you ... you know... your wife will...
- My wife, will what?
- She will have money to live after you.
- So, you are saying you will pay five bucks per month, is that right, Little?
- Yeah.
- If I want my wife to have something after me, I must live at least ten years to make a profit. Right?
- No, Sir, you can die in a few months...if you like!
- Corona is not allowing a few months... If you get it, you are gone.
- No, Sir, we guarantee at least one hundred bucks return on investment. I just need your account information for the paperwork.
- Account? You mean my shoe box?
- Shoe box, Sir?
- Yeah, Little, I don't trust the banks, so I keep all my savings in a shoe... box.
- I can't register a Shoe ... Box. Can you transfer one hundred from that Shoe?
- No, I can't. My Box does only face to face transactions. If you want me, come and get me, if you know what I mean!
- Sir, who am I talking to?
- Sonny, you are talking to your DEATH, now how about that life insurance, do you want it or not?
- What?
- Yeah, you have ten seconds left. I will soon get the bonus for keeping you on line.
- What line?
In the background, we can hear some commotion and breaking of doors.
- Sonny, make up your mind fast, otherwise...
Somebody calls:
-Drop the phone, FBI!
-Son of g...
We can hear some shoots in the background.
- Sonny, are you there?
- He is gone. Nice job, Jefferson.
 Recognized |
613 words. As usual thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy the story and have fun.
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