February 18, 2020 Tuesday 6:14 p.m.

I woke up so depressed. How is that possible? I just woke up.
I got up and I heard the Lord say, “Come spend time with Me.”

I knew it was You, Lord. I grabbed my phone and glasses and
shut the bedroom door. I put on my robe and sat in the recliner. 

I turned on the TV, which I normally don’t do when I spend time
with God. I found the show, Hazel and turned the volume down low.
Sigh. I took out my journal and felt nudged to grab my Bible. I
did, reluctantly. 

I tossed the Bible on my legs and just sat and sighed. I opened
up my journal and started to write, next thing I knew I felt better.
I picked up my Bible and it opened up to Psalm 34:

I live and breathe God; if things aren’t going well, hear this and be
happy. Join me in spreading the news; together let’s get the word
out. God met me more than halfway, he freed me from my anxious
fears. Look at Him; give Him your warmest smile, Never hide your
feelings from Him. When I was desperate, I called out, and God got
me out of a tight spot. 

God’s angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray.
Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—how God is.
Blessed are you who run to Him. Worship God if you want the best,
worship opens doors to all His goodness. Young lions on the prowl
get hungry, but God-seekers are full of God. Come, children, listen
closely; I’ll give you a lesson in God’s worship. Who out there has a
lust for life? Can’t wait each day to come upon beauty? Guard your
tongue from profanity, and no more lying through your teeth. Turn
your back on sin, do something good. Embrace peace— don’t let it
get away! God keeps an eye on His friends, His ears, pick up every
moan and groan. God won’t put up with rebels; He’ll cut them from
the pack. Is anyone crying for help? God is listening ready to rescue
you.

If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked 
in the gut, He’ll help you catch your breath. Disciples so often get
into trouble; still God is there every time. He’s your bodyguard,
shielding every bone; not even a finger gets broken. The wicked
commit slow suicide; they waste their lives hating the good. God
pays for each slave’s freedom; no one who runs to Him loses out.

I was amazed at how much this spoke to me. It was like God was
talking to me, personally. I loved it! 

Then I watched a sermon titled, “Guard Your Imagination”. It was
talking about changing what I watch in my mind. "Turn the negative
channel to a positive," he said.

I discovered today, that I had a curse put on me when I was five
years old. It was so strong this past month, I didn’t know if I
could keep from harming myself. 

I had a kinesiology session and felt such relief. A woman had put
this curse on me and my sisters that attached to fear and
apprehension. Excessive thoughts of harm being done to those I
love tormented me. I was constantly worried and afraid. It affected
my voice; keeping me from being able to speak up about what was
being done to me. It also affected my creativity and moving forward
in life. My Dr. said it was strong and tried to come on her.

Afterwards, I realized that I felt lighter…in my head. Like a vice-grip
had been removed and I felt a freedom in my mind that I haven’t
known my. whole. life. I remembered this thought flashed in my
spirit, Your hair will be restored. A little later I heard, Redeemed.

I felt a release of forgiveness, toward myself. As long as I can
remember, I’ve carried around guilt for my anger and rage that
would come over me as a child and young adult. The way I
treated my family hurt me. But I was only behaving like a
wounded person. Extremely wounded. In fact the word ‘shattered’
has come to my mind a lot lately.

Anyway, I was able to understand, that I sure as hell deserve to
let myself off the hook. It was enlightening. I believed, at that
moment, that I was truly not to blame. Therefore, I could forgive
myself.

Dr. Jen looked at me and said, "Go home; write and write and write. 
Be creative. Dont' let anything hold you back anymore."

When I looked at her, she wasn't telling me this, God was speaking
through her, to me. I saw it when I looked in her eyes. It almost
felt like a mantle or mandate was given to me.

Lord, I know You are doing a work. I am so excited to see my
creativity blossom. To see my health improve, and especially
the restoration of my hair. I truly believe, something
supernatural happened.