Introduction: 
This is Part 1 of my next series, a continuation of a previous item I posted last December. When juliaSjames reviewed that posting she said: “This is one of your best writes, LisaMay. I love your character; prissy, half deaf and lecherous has to be a winning combination. I think you should name her. She's a keeper.” So, thanks to Julia’s suggestion, here I introduce Muriel Winterbottom.
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Hello readers,
it’s Muriel Winterbottom here - just thought I’d drop you a line to tell you of my latest escapades. I’m researching destinations for a vacation and thought I could manage the details myself, but it is all so very confusing. I went to my local travel agency for advice. A lovely young man is now assisting me. The last journey he arranged for me was to Mars! Silly boy only booked a one-way ticket. However, I used my ingenuity, ate lots of Mars Bars and cabbage then blasted my way back to Earth. (Now I’m in the Guinness Book of World Records for perfecting the fart of interplanetary propulsion)

So here I am, back at my nice young travel agent’s desk again. It’s a little uncomfortable sitting for long periods of time, but I’ll enjoy being beside him to discuss my requirements. He’s got lovely eyes and a nice voice that I want to look at and listen to all day, but he’s given me some brochures to take away. Armfuls of them! He suggested I spend as much time as possible reading all of them before I come back. Such a thoughtful young man!

Here are some of the suggestions from my nice young travel agent, and what I think about them:  

COUNTRIES

Russia: Why are people always in such a hurry these days?

Crimea: Crime here, crime there, crime everywhere – I might as well stay home and get mugged in my own neighbourhood.

Ukraine: You might enjoy craning your neck for a better view, but I don’t want to crane mine. I’ll have no money left after the vacation to spend on a Chiropractor.

Spain: I s’pose most travel is a bit of a pain, but why name your country that? It is very off-putting. I have enough aches and pains already. I don’t want to have to ’splain why I went there.

Hungary: I like my food; this sounds like my tummy would be rumbling all the time if I went there.

Maldives: Now this could possibly be worth seeing. Is Mal good looking? Does he wear little speedos when he dives? My swimming togs sometimes bunch up when I dive. I wonder if his speedos might come right off? Oh, this sort of talk is making me so wish that nice young travel agent would accompany me.

That's all for now. I'll come back tomorrow – he might have some more suggestions for me.