| General Script posted January 17, 2020 |
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Pons and Ned still at the store
Scene at a Pet Store 3
by Bill Schott
Pons and Ned get some input from others while at the pet store. Pons: Hey, Ned, look who's here. Pons holds out his left arm to present two women. Ned: Gosh, Pons, I ain't hardly fixt up fer no datin'. Judi: Dating? I'm not here for a date. Yvonne: Definitely not here for dating. Pons: No, no, of course not. I'm sorry. Ned these ladies have an opinion on what kind of pet you should get. Ned: Well, er ya gonna intradouche me? Pons: Of course, Ned, this is Judi and this is Yvonne. Ned: So you ladies're friends a Pons? Pons: Actually -- Bill knows them. Ned: I git it. You two're here 'cause yer axperts on aminals and such. Judi: I'm not entirely sure why I'm here, but I do have an opinion on puppy mills and retail stores that sell vulnerable pets to whomever gives them money. Ned: What's a puppy mill? Judi: It's a place where people raise dogs for money. Ned: Does it matter how bigga dawg is? Do ya git the same amount fer pickin' up a wiener dawg as fer a lapperdoor? Pons: She means raising them -- like you would children. Ned: Ya mean they got -- Pons: No, Ned. There aren't kiddy mills. Yvonne: I know why I am here, Ned? I question whether you are capable of caring for a pet. You don't seem very -- how can I say it? Ned: Intellegant? Yvonne: Thank you. Ned: Uh, who are you agin? You know me? Pons: You are known, Ned. Your persona is shaped to project a man who is a bit dense and lacking in the capacity to learn and develop. Ned: Huh? I ain't got no purse. If I did, I wunt perject nobody wit it. I mighta put on some Christmas fat, but I ain't that dense. And I bin told, by ladies what know, that my ass is capped above av'ridge. Yvonne: (scoffing and rolling her eyes) Clearly, I was mistaken. Judi: Have you considered looking for a pet at the animal shelter? Pons: Gee, Ned. That's an idea. I remember Lefty got his rottweiler there. Ned: Did he put some kinda salve on it. That like toe fungus? Pons: It's a breed of dog, Ned. Judi: Perhaps the rescue shelter isn't the right place after all. Have you considered a ficus? Ned: That a bird? I was thinkin' hard on maybe gittin' a talkin' ferret. Yvonne: A talking ferret? Do you mean parrot? Judi: Let's hope so. Pons: Thanks, ladies. I think you may be on to something with the rescue shelter. Ned: Wonner if their aminals're as much as these ones here. Ya know a talkin' bird costs three hunterd dollaroos. Judi: (Eyes searching for words) The rescue dogs may all have the rot -- wieler, Ned. You should really consider a cactus. Pons: Thanks, Judi. I think we'll try the shelter. Lefty said he just paid for rabies shots and a bag of dog food. Ned: He oughta picked up a hound dog awhile he was there. Pons: (Looking at the two women and weakly smiling) Right you are, Ned. Judi: Yes. So -- right, Ned. Bye. Yvonne: Perhaps you could get a pit bull, Ned. That might be interesting. Ned: Dunt know as I got room fer no cow at my place, E-phone. Pons: (Whispering) Yvonne, Ned. Yvonne. Ned: (Winking and turning to Judi and Yvonne) Good evonin', ladies. Pons: Yes. Well. Ladies. Ned: Let's git on over ta that aminal shelter, Pons. (All exit) Thanks to avmurray for use of the image. A special thanks to judiverse and damommy for being in the scene. You were great. Artwork by avmurray at FanArtReview.com 
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