General Fiction posted December 7, 2019


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A children's piece by Dorothy Kaiser I would like feedback

The Flight Home

by teols2016

Mallick looked around the airport. Everything looked like all the times he and his mom had picked up his dad. There were the belts with suitcases and bags. Many people were there, talking and waiting and looking for their stuff.
But it wasn't right. Mallick wasn't picking anyone up and he had his stuff in his backpack on his shoulders. He wanted to get on a plane and fly home to Michigan. He remembered walking with his parents to a desk, where he then got a boarding pass. That got him on the plane. He needed one of those. Where could he get one?

"Hey, kid," someone said.

Mallick turned to see a policeman looking at him. He stared back, trying not to show the policeman had surprised him.

"You okay, kid?" the policeman asked.

"Yeah," Mallick replied, trying to sound tougher than he felt. He thought they'd found out what he was trying to do.

"You here alone?" the policeman asked.

"No," Mallick said.

"Where are your parents?"

"Dad's a pilot. He's flying right now."

"Where's your mom?"

"Over there," Mallick replied, pointing.

The policeman turned to look. There was a woman by one of the belts, pulling off a bag. Her hair and skin looked like Mallick's. The policeman was white and Mallick's grandpa always said they couldn't tell the difference.

Mallick wondered about this. But, he wouldn't wait to see if his trick had worked. He snuck away while the policeman was still looking.

The airport was large, so it was easy for Mallick to get away. He walked past more belts, more suitcases and bags, and more people. He still couldn't find the desk to get a boarding pass. He also wasn't sure what he would say if someone there asked about his parents. He hadn't thought of that.

Maybe, if he told them his dad's name and said his dad was flying in to get him, they'd believe him. They had to know who his dad was because they wanted him to come work here.

Mallick kept walking. He was still thinking about his plan when he bumped into someone.

"Oh," a man said. "Sorry."

Mallick stopped and looked up at the man. It wasn't really a man. He looked like a big boy. He had short blond hair and was wearing a black shirt with a hood and the letters "UMD" on it in big, white letters.

"You okay, kid?" the big boy asked like the policeman had earlier.

"Yeah," Mallick replied, not able to sound so tough anymore. Everything was not working like he had thought it would.

"You lost?"

"No. I'm going home."

The big boy nodded.

"Me, too. Well, kind of."

Mallick looked at him. What did he mean by that?

"My parents moved here last year," the big boy continued. "We used to live in Pennsylvania. It was easy for me to drive there from school to visit. Now, I have to fly."

Mallick thought about all this. He'd seen Pennsylvania on a map. He couldn't remember exactly where it was, but he knew it wasn't near here and nowhere near Michigan.

"My parents took my stuff with them when they moved," the big boy said. "I've got my own room in the new house and I can come by whenever I want. It's nice."

"Don't you miss Pennsylvania?" Mallick asked. "Don't you miss living there?"

"Sure, but it's okay. Home is with your family. That's what matters."

Mallick thought about this. He then heard what sounded like a bell. He watched as the big boy pulled a phone out of his pocket.

"I gotta go," the big boy said after looking at the phone for a few seconds. "My dad's waiting outside. Take care."

He walked away, pulling a large suitcase behind him.

Mallick stood there, still thinking. Home is with your family. His mom was here. So was his dad when he wasn't flying. They'd moved here because of his dad's job, but his grandpa and grandma also lived here. His mom had said how they could help them now that they lived closer.

"They could use our help," his mom had said, "and you help your family."

Mallick knew kids back in Michigan who'd moved there from somewhere else. Yeah, they missed the places they'd come from, but some of them became his friends and they were happy. At his new school, there was one other kid, Nathan, who was new like him. Nathan came from Florida, but he was always saying how much he liked it here.

"There you are," a voice said.

Mallick turned to see the policeman from earlier walking towards him.

"Nice trick," the policeman said, his hands on his hips, one near his shiny handcuffs. "You wanna tell me what's going on? Where are your parents?"

Mallick studied the handcuffs. He'd seen the police use them on TV. He wondered if this policeman would use them now because he'd lied. But, he remembered how everyone in his family said he could always ask a policeman for help.

"Just be polite and ask for help," they all said.

"Dad's flying," Mallick said, making up his mind. "He really is a pilot. I told the truth about that."

"And your mom?" the policeman asked. He didn't sound angry about the earlier lie.

"She's at home," Mallick replied. "I want to go home, too."

"Where's home?"



Story of the Month contest entry


Okay, let me explain what is going on here:

"The Flight Home" is a fictional childrens' book written by fictional author Dorothy Kaiser. This "excerpt" is the only part that has actually been written.

Stay with me:

This fictional work is meant to be inserted into a crime thriller novel I am working on. One of the main characters will read this portion of the book, "The Flight Home".

My reason for posting this on its own is because I would like feedback on the content and language and whether it is appropriate for2nd graders (7-8 years old.)

When this story's text is inserted into the novel, it will be broken up so the novel's readers will see the main chracter's reactions and hear comments from the main character and some supporting characters.

I just want to first see if this would be part of a real children's book.

I'll answer your questions to the best of my ability.

Thank you for your help. I'll post chapters of the full novel soon.

Enjoy.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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