| General Script posted November 11, 2019 | Chapters: |
...74 75 -76- 77... 
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a one scene script
A chapter in the book Scenes
Scene Around a Burn Barrel
by Bill Schott
SCENE ONE Alley in a rundown part of a city. Scene: Four men stand around an old oil drum used as a burn barrel for heat. Cast: Lester = former court jester Mississippi = gambler Plan 9 = alien Crunchy = old sailor =================================== Lester: You guys know why the new naval ships from Carthage had glass-bottom boats? Mississippi: I'll bet I do know. What are the odds? Plan 9: The umbilicus, or navel, would likely not have such installations. The question is farcical and supplies additional evidence that this world SHOULD BE DISINTEGRATED! Crunchy: Sounds like a maritime question, matey. You've entered the right port. Plan 9: Right port is known as an oxymoron, as right would be starboard and port would be left, furthering the argument for punitive PLANETARY DESTRUCTION! Lester: The new Carthage navy had glass-bottom boats so they could see the old Cartage navy. Mississippi: Huh? Plan 9: Glass was invented by Mesopotamians in the 35th century BCE, but glass for windows was not developed until 100 CE, a century after Carthage would have launched a new fleet of ships to replace the old Carthage naval vessels sunk during the Punic Wars with the Roman Empire in 25 BCE. This renders the question moot and shortens the time left before this sphere IS REDUCED TO ASH! Crunchy: I think I served with a feller from the Punic War. Lester: Well sure. You, Popeye, Sinbad, and Jolly Roger probably all served together -- in the Captain's mess. Mississippi: What? Plan 9: The possibility of participating in meaningful service with a 1930s cartoon character, an 18th century Arabian adventurer, or the 17th century red-coated pirate Le Joli Rouge is not plausible. NONE WILL BE SPARED! Crunchy: I served on board the Titanic. Lester: Boy, Crunchy. You're a genu-wine Ain't-Chit-Mariner. Closest I came to a Titanic experience was being hit by a head of lettuce on stage. It was ICEberg lettuce, of course. Mississippi: Wonder what the odds were that that boat'd get across the ocean in one piece? Plan 9: . Eliza Gladys Dean, the last survivor of the Titanic sinking died May 31st, 2009. She was two months old at the time of the disaster. The likelihood of Crunchy being on board that vessel ranges from impossible to some even more improbable degree. However, floating in freezing sea water make seem comforting when faced with fiery thermal rays which will reduce civilization TO A SMOKING BALL OF CHARCOAL! Crunchy: (In a trance-like state.) There was a ship. Lester: Uh oh. Crunchy's going into his storytellin' zone. Mississippi: The odds were good for that. Plan 9: Oh no; this story again. The oceans will be VAPORIZED!. Crunchy: (Blankly) Water, water everywhere, nor not a drop to drink. Lester: No joke, Gents. I'm looking for another barrel. (Walks off) Mississippi: All bets are off. (Walks off) Plan 9: Well, Crunchy. I suppose you are a sadder and a wiser man. Crunchy: (Eyes wide open, staring at no one) He prayeth best, who loveth best All things both great and small; For the dear God who loveth us, He made and loveth all. Plan 9: (Walking away shaking his head.) Incineration cannot come soon enough.
All information on Punic Wars, Titanic, and Rime of the Ancient Mariner, along with the image came from Google sources.
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