Self Improvement Poetry posted November 7, 2019


Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A look into an addict's mental state during active addiction

rOCk CanDy queen

by Melodie Michelle


This poem depicts the life of hard addiction ... WARNING LENGTHY POEM ... The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
My thoughts go back to that horrific time,
years ago, where
"she" was fun
to hang out with ...
that "evil cousin"
to the "white lady"
"she" knew how to
make me feel good
and she kept
me intrigued


... IN THE BEGINNING ...


... yet ...

I kept going back
for more and more ...
not realizing "she"
was completely
out of my league ...

"she" became more
fierce with "her" touch
as time moved on --
"she" revealed "her" heart
and "her" soul to no one ...
it was considered
quite the phenomenon

... but know this ...

"she" can easily
turn your heart away ...
because
"she" sincerely
does not play ...
and in addition
to that "she" gains
as well as
turning your
loved ones away ...
because "she" will
not stop until your soul
is bound up in chains ...


clutching me so tight ... knowing I can't
break free ...
I'm stuck outright ...
in bondage to the
"queen of rOCk CanDy"
the "evil cousin" to the
"white lady" indeed ...

You will find
"her" dancing with
the demons
of addiction,
heartbreak
and pain ...
and they know I
will eventually give in
to their strong demands
yet once again ...

and while I falsely
believe they accept me
yet really they do not ...
That's just to get me hooked so they are
able to harass me relentlessly watching
me go down that
vile path that I tried
so hard not to adopt ...

because by then
they are laughing at me
and watching me so
that when I
clearly see
"REALIZING IN
HORROR ...

THAT I AM
UNABLE TO STOP ..."

Like a robot
and a puppet
I move to "her" beat ...
like a "good master"
"she" pulls easy
then real hard
on those puppet strings!
"she" crushes my soul ...
while I chase
that next hit
and I'm
helpless as
"she" heartlessly
brings me way
down into hell's
devastating
hot and fiery pit ...

Teasing me unmercifully
is one of "her" many
sick treats and
just as the hit that I
raced for finally connects inside my brain ...
causing me to feel such a major relief ...
I feel it straight
down to my core -
making me feel like
I will never hurt
again any damn more ...

... yet ...

... I'm still wanting
more and more and
still yet more until
"she" senses my fear, forcing even the devil
himself to scream ...
"go on you're worthless
just get the hell
outta here"

... then sadly as I
cower down
just what does all
of this prove ...
I'm only wondering
because I'm still ...


... in the COCAINE
mood ...


... knowing
full well ...

It's not enough ...
it's never enough
anymore because
I'm always miserable,
sick, scared, depressed,
strung out or dazed ...


... and I just
can't stop ...


because when I
think about that
cloud of white smoke
just passing me by
My body constricts
in pain and my
brain aches
and with a brutal force
that drags me
down once again ...
my body and my
mind seem pretty
damn strained ...

Then ... I sink way
lower than I
ever wanted to go
to stare straight at the
"queen of rOCk CanDy" --
who's waiting
for me to pay
"her" what "she"
thinks I owe ...

"rOCk CanDy"
will have no problem numbing my emotions
and my mind ...
so I'm not clear
enough to make
any decisions at all ...
and it's no wonder that "she's" more than just
a tiny bit surprised ...

when I actually rise
up and take a stand
against "her" and once
"she" senses my
newfound strength
"she" then squeezes
my sOuL so hard
that I simply
just cannot breathe ...

"she's" holding me
quite snug in
"her" cold yet
intriguing hand ...
"Do you think that you
can play with me"
"she" taunts and
then "she" laughs
at me instead ...

"she" also whispers
in my ear by telling
me exactly what I
want to hear ...
and that's just
to keep me
disheveled
and to make sure
I'm misled
while my own
emotions will
cover myself in fear ...

Once "she" has
my emotions
shredded and
I'm feeling
quite lost ...
I am locked
away deep inside
while my sOuL
pays the cost ...

Inside I tell myself
how stupid I
was to let that
"white bitCh"
so damn deep in
my mind ...
I had no clue that
it was going to be one
of my hardest uphill climbs ...


"She" will fight you
like a man, ultimately
kicking your ass
so it may seem ...
but never give up
and show
this "queen"
that your not
going to back down
from the infamous
and lethal ...
the eviL ... the
"rOCk CanDy queen"

Now if you keep
fighting ...
just make
damn sure that you
DON'T STOP ...

... eventually ...

"she" WILL weaken
"her" grasp ...
and then
You can quickly run
away and leave ...
making sure that
crushing your sOuL
isn't one of "her"
many wicked tasks ...
nothing "she" says
can be believed ...


... then ... gradually ...
if you stick to your
guns and stay ready
to fight ...


One day "she"
will decide that you're
not worth "her" time ...
so "she" will go find
another weak sOuL
that will commit her
hellish crimes ...

And "she" will take
them by the hand
and lead them along
that same horrific path
that leads straight
to that nightmare
so pale ...

and right
to the front door
that leads straight
into hell ...
introducing them to
the "evil cousin" to
the "white lady"
who is the
"queen of the
rOCk CanDy jaiL"


... during this time of
trying to stay clean ...


you will fall and
stumble around ...
maybe fall off cliffs
and possibly drown ...
in the turbulent waters
racing away ...
"she's" known to
come looking for me
so I fall down
on my knees
and silently pray ...

... that this relapse
will miss the mark
and nobody will
be able to locate me
while I hide
quietly in the dark ...

Especially when
"she" begins to
tempt me ...
I make sure I
do not betray ...
where
I am and just
in case I
slip off the path
of complete abstinence
I will just get back up ...
I will pull myself back
on the road ...
and STAY ...

I won't get discouraged
when I pick myself up and
dust off those stains
that the "queen
of rOCk CanDy"
forcibly made
and strive once more
until I get it right ...
make sure you
don't ever allow
taunts and hurtful words make you give up
without a fight ...

Relapse just means
you won't stop
striving to quit ...
it's tough and
unfriendly ... Just
don't give up
on yourself
remember
"rOCk CanDy"
never gave up
on you
not one little bit ...


... so ...


Don't allow anyone
to bring you down
with rumors or
snobby looks
they don't
have a clue ...
as to what heLL
you've been through
with this "evil cousin"
to the "white lady"
who is the
"rOCk CanDy queen"
and realize that
if you allow "her" ...
"she" will keep hounding
you as if y'all were
still on the same team ...

... ULTIMATELY ...


... she has a diabolical
plan to KILL you ...


... dark
depression ...


hateful voices
whisper in the wind ...
evil beings that
harass you just
remind yourself
that they're not
your damn friend ...
beware of your
mental health
taking a turn ...
because "she" will
scratch you
and then bite you
seemingly diminishing
you before you
can learn ...

that this
"rOCk CanDy queen"
is a "bitCh" who
stands firm ...


"Her" job is to jumble
your thoughts and
make you see through
a blurry haze ...
and then
your vision and mind
become distorted ...
that any decision
you make will
for sure be crazed ...

Addiction is only a symptom that masks
the underlying
root cause ...
You need to gather
all of your strength
and please take a
much needed
pause ...


... and ...


... stop being so
nice to her ...

"STOP LISTENING
TO THAT BITCH ...

GET MAD ...

and with all your
strength ...

FACE YOUR FEAR

and
stand up in her face ...
as you recall all the things she lied about during the past several years...

taunting you with
your fears

while teLLing you that you're a disgrace ...
remember you almost
lost your life behind
"her" evil lies ...
stop listening to
"her" before you
ultimately die" ...


let that "rOCk CanDy
queen" hear you
as you scream at
"her" that "SHE'S
JUST THE DEVIL
IN DISGUISE" ...

you tell her off and
curse her out
"JUST REMEMBER
WHO THA FUCK
YOU ARE" ...
and do yourself
a favor by taking
a brand new route ...

that leads away
from the door
at the entrance of hell
in the opposite
direction that will
cause you to prevaiL ...

previously, way before
that "white bitch"
stole our dream ...

I told myself I would
never smoke that rOCk ... little did I know that
years later "her" and I
would become
quite the evil team ...

no matter what
keep holding
your head up high
keep moving forward
find that deep down determination inside ...

figure out how you can
love yourself more ...
especially through
those many dark
dreary days ahead ...
that could possibly
overwhelm you ...
because trust me
"she" will be
keeping score ...


... and guess what ...


One day the harrowing relapses will halt
and "she" will
soon realize that
"she's" FINALLY
locked in your past ...
don't let "her" define you
and remember that
people will talk, scorn
and laugh ...


But just you hold fast
to your dream and
remember the pain ...
when "she" took
away all those
many years of
your life ...
putting on you
ALL of the blame ...


... "Don't Stop ...
KEEP GOING"

you're doing just fine ...
give yourself a smile
because once and for all
you gotta take charge
of the main design ...
finaLLy you managed
to beat that
"damn queen"
the "cousin" to the
"evil white lady"
who still is ...

... the evil "rOCk
CanDy queen" ...

Keep striving, sweating, straining while you
also remember that
disgusting
"rOCk CanDy jaiL" ...

It's been a bittersweet journey after turning
away from that fiery
front door of hell ...

If you are an addict
using ANY drug that's
taken over your life ...

REACH OUT because
I want you to know this:
I saw a level of addiction
that most hard core
addicts don't see
and they don't even
know exists ...

you DO NOT want
to be there because
the ONLY way out ...
IF YOU STAY IN DEFEAT ...
is going to be a
horribly long life
behind bars or worse ...

Death is waiting to
take you to the
front door that leads
you straight into hell ...
so you can hang out
with the queen ...
and the devil himself ...

You are NOT - trust me you're not ready for that,
not when it means
staying
in the
"rOCk CanDy jail"



Recognized


This poem gives you a unique insight straight into a crack/cocaine addicts sOuL (your sOuL is made up of your mind, your will, and your emotions) and the most intense death grip hold that this evil drug has on them. Also, what level of mental power that it takes you inside to be completely free from crack/cocaine as well as showing you what it takes
inside to become a
SURVIVOR OF
ADDICTION ...
Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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