Humor Fiction posted November 7, 2019


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A Tom and Carol Script.

Zyrtec OTC

by Thomas Bowling


It has been seven months since the Zyrtecians threatened to disintegrate Earth. Tom answers a knock on the door and sees a small, green creature.

Tom: A personal visit? Why not just send another fax?

Small green creature: What is a FAX?

Tom: That's how you communicated the last time you threatened us.

Creature: My name is Goren. This is our first contact with your insignificant planet.

Tom: Why are you named Goren?

Goren: I was named after the great hero who defeated the evil Captain James Tiberius Kirk.

Tom: I hate to break it to you. Kirk won the fight.

Goren: The Goren was winning so they preempted the broadcast with an I Love Lucy rerun.

Tom shuts the door. When he turns around, Goren is in the room.

Tom: How did you . . . Never mind. Won't you come in?

Goren: I'm already in. Do you have a superior being I can communicate with?

Tom: Carol, someone wants to communicate with you.

Carol enters the room pushing a vacuum cleaner.

Carol: Oh, you again. Did you forget a threat the last time you were here or are you lost?

Goren: I see you have a mechanical suction device. Mine is organic.

Carol: And free-range I suppose.

Goren goes silent for fourteen seconds.

Goren: I have received a communication from The Big Bopper, our Emperor. He informed me of the reason for your misunderstanding. You must have me confused with a Zyrtecian. I'm from Zyrtec OTC, a planet in the same solar system as Zyrtec.

Tom: Doesn't 
having two planets with the same name cause problems with the mail?

Goren: They don't have the same names. One is Zyrtec and one is Zyrtec OTC. In our solar system, there are 1,203 planets and 14,347 moons named with the Zyrtec prefix.

Tom: Okay. Why are you here?

Goren: We have purchased the war with you. Zyrtec was unable to collect so we assumed the debt. It's a real cash cow. We are now your enemy. Are you prepared to be annihilated, or should I 
come back another time? Next Wednesday is open, but it will have to be an afternoon appointment. Shall we say 3:46?

Carol: I have a nail appointment on Wednesday.

Goren: Excuse me while I contact Mr. Big.

Goren goes into a coma for 18 seconds.

Goren: Sorry, for the delay. We needed to check our schedule. The next available date is December 25, 2,387,115. Will this work for you?

Tom: I'll check my calendar and get back to you. Have a nice trip. Who's your spaceship captain?

Goren: We also bought out Spock's contract. He had some kind of falling out with his previous employer. See you soon. 


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© Copyright 2019. Thomas Bowling All rights reserved. Registered copyright with FanStory.
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