One of the problems I have is I can pray for the entire world, and also every individual in it, but I never liked seeking prayers for myself or situations as I felt that was a very selfish use of prayer. Yet, knowing this was an exception to the rule, put up a post on Facebook seeking all of my FB friends' prayers. Most people I figured no longer paid attention to my posts and quite a few let me know that, so I figured if I got three people indicating they were praying for me, could be a help.

I figured that I would enjoy my last few hours of not shaking and with researching the effects of alcohol withdraw, so pretty much knew what I was in for. But what does it mean when they talk about having your skin crawl?

Well, I quickly learned the reality isn't going to be like I thought and started getting the shakes an hour after I decided to quit. I figured it was somehow psychological, but it was obvious that I was physically shaking. I realized that going cold turkey could result in death, but the way I read that was that there would be a five to seven percent chance of that. I did know that I was looking at two weeks of a hellish fun.

A couple hours later I got to work, and the shaking was so intense, it was not only difficult to do my job, but rather dangerous as well. Leaning over into the press was now an act of physics and took total concentration to make sure I had not only a good hold on the equipment, but an out if I got into trouble and slipped.

The other gems of withdrawal started manifesting themselves, I got the sweats and just like the shaking, a lot more extreme then I ever could have imagined, with them leaving me drenched. Also, I periodically would get the chills and it was very obvious my body and brain didn't know what the hell was going on.

Then nearing the end of the work shift, I realized what they meant by your skin crawling and it just wasn't a singular sensation. At times it felt like I was in a box with insects crawling all over me from head to foot ranging from ants to large cockroaches. At other times it literally felt like my skin itself was moving around my body like it was all trying to find a better place. Pain was a relative thing, but I screamed out a few times and was amazed at just how much nerves falsely firing to generate those sensations.

When I got home, it blew my mind how many people, especially classmates let me know they were praying for me, and the sheer number was something totally unexpected and I took the time out to thank each and every one of them.

Yet, at the same time I apprediated this, there was the expectation that I quit and didn't like the idea of being a looser to them, so failure was no longer an option. But one classmate had been through it and while he offered support, really wanted me to go into detox and rebab, which I outright rejected and his final point was with what I was doing, could kill me.

I didn't get much sleep with everything going on but took advantage of every minute of sleep I could get. At one point between morning and the afternoon, I felt that I had a seizure about to come on and got to an area that was safe and into bed. Sure enough, it came on and for about two minutes, I was trapped in my mind with my body jerking out of control and doing what it wanted. I would have to consider it a moderate one, as I remembered, and more severe related symptoms didn't hit.

The aftereffects hit me for a few hours, and now at work, came to the conclusion that I might not be lucky if a seizure hits me at work and could end up in the equipment. I also had my first hallucination and it was scary at first. Then I remembered I didn't party since I ended that in 9th grade and figured, What the fuck, lets see what we come up with. It didn't take me long at all to realize that I wasn't hallucinating but that I had a blizzard of neurotransmitters loose in my head and it was my brain trying to make sense of it all.

I was going through periods of confusion setting in and at one point of aimlessly walking around, the coworker that night asked me if I was OK and I told him I was very confused. He asked me what I was supposed to be doing and told him, "I don't know, but it wouldn't be safe for me to do anything anyway."

The period of that type of confusion only lasted about ten minutes and being recovered, went back to work, but with growing concerns realizing that toughing it out like I was, could cause a work-related injury or even death. I decided to accept that possibility because I didn't want to have to explain things to the bosses or have them try to come up with plans for me that I couldn't accept.


That night, the classmate that went through rehab told me on Facebook that what I am doing is life threatening and I need to get myself immediately into a detox facility. Figuratively, we were exchanging punches as I had every intention of getting myself out of the mess and had neither the time, money or understanding of others to rehab in a facility.

I started researching things to prove him wrong, but right off the bat, discovered that those five to seven percent of people that die from going cold turkey are actually the people that had been drinking like I had. Even people that find themselves addicted drinking a much smaller amount, and usually those saying it is OK to go cold turkey are drinking less than a pint a day, not a liter and two to four beers.

Still there was another option and that still had its dangers, but in my opinion with a much smaller chance of death so I researched tapering off. I found out that in regards of addiction, alcohol was more like a barbiturate as they both were neurological depressants.

That explained so much to me and what was causing the hallucinations and seizures, was a sudden release of neurochemicals that the brain couldn't handle. So, to quit drinking, I had to start drinking again and saw it as God's humor at my demise.

I researched not only the theory about tapering down, but actual people that did so successfully, but their tapering down was using very small increments over a very long period of time, and the paradox was, if I did it like that, I would still die from the organ failure. That irony did not escape me!

I decided, that I would buy three pints and mark each in halves and start by tapering down to 24 ounces and go from there. I was expecting to reduce by four-ounce increments once a week, dosing that amount split three times a had... Right off the bat, halfway through work felt a seizure coming on, so luckily with the liquor store being two doors up the street, bought some miniatures in case of emergency.

I went back to work, hit the bathroom and downed one of the miniature and it did help, but 10 minutes later decided to take a second and that did the trick. The next day it took only one at a point in time. Even though I always had a couple on hand, didn't use them if I didn't feel that I needed to.

After just a few days, I was amazed that even a drop to 24 ounces of alcohol was helping to improve my health. I felt better and it seemed I could eat just a little more and the urine slightly lightened up. The other thing that amazed me was I was having no cravings or desire to drink. I was planning to remain at that amount another 3 ½ days but decided to reduce it to 20 ounces the next day.

It would be a routine, of using the miniatures on an emergency basis, and when that amount was stabilized, to reduce the amount of alcohol another four ounces. The transition was fairly easy at both 20 and 16 ounce doses and was also using four ounce bottles known as a half pint; all the while with my health improving and me being able to tolerate just a little more food.

The thing was the withdrawal symptoms were always there, but fairly minor in comparison with cold turkey. Then I decided to go to 12 ounces a day and that night being in the shop alone, just started crying and panicking. Absolutely nothing triggered it and after a while realized that and what they talked about anxiety and depression, it wasn't a psychological thing, but one created by the physical pathology of the brain chemistry changing.

I started really getting shaky and felt the signs of a seizure coming on, so it was the liquor store and two miniatures, which once again did the trick. Another problem was all of a sudden, no liquor stores had the half pints in stock, so I had to go back to buying pints and marking them into the doses.

That night I went home and took a dose, which had two doses left in the pint bottle. Well, without thinking, they got drunk, and the next morning when I went to get the other pint and mark it for the days doses, realized I had drunk that one to.

I had enough of it all and totally tired of drinking, made the decision that morning to go cold turkey again... I just had enough of it all and felt that even despite the risk of a seizure or cardiac problem; perhaps because of the average dose I was drinking, they would be less severe and not life threatening as it would be at going cold turkey with the higher amount constantly in my blood stream.

I was in the shower in the afternoon preparing to go to work when I got hit with a seizure without warning. It was not a fun experience as I was instantly reminded of two people that died having seizures in the bathtub, but it was something that only lasted 30 seconds and mild enough that I could remain standing. Once that was over, I was able to compare riding a surfboard.

I was still having withdrawals, and at work I got hit with a really bad case of the shakes and profuse sweating. I decided not to take the miniatures and things lasted about a half hour. Then just as quickly as it came on, it not only stopped, but I had the feeling that was the last of the major withdrawal symptoms and indeed ... That turned out to be the case. No more flushing, no more shaking or confusion.

But walking home from work that night, saw a black man in a yellow sports car making a right hand turn on to a side street from Harford Road. Instead of slowing to make that turn, he pointed his car at me and hit the gas. Mr. Owens physics class hit in and I did the calculations to barely avoid being hit and would have put his car into a house. He managed at the last minute to make the turn.

Also when I got home, I got hit with a love letter and form to fill out from the IRS. It took it as a sign that while I solved one problem in a big way, evil is going to remain in my life in so many smaller ways. Not that is something that only sticking things out might have a chance to solve. I screamed out, "Welcome back to the real-world you Mother Fucker!" Just how, I took things will continue to be .



I was very glad that I had a classmate that went though this help me out, as well the general support and encouragement from my Facebook friends, especially my other classmates; as well the very few coworkers I told in my real world. On Facebook, I had a few others that were addicted to alcohol come forward with their stories and let me know that even though I was near death, my organs will be healing a lot faster than I expected.

Well, it would take me a while before I started to eat more again, but having had starved for a month in photography school (1982) and coming back for Christmas break weighing 109 pounds; I already knew the routine.

I would always have food around and take as much as I could tolerate without getting sick. It would be about three tablespoons a day and I did this in more like a meal fashion. After a week it was about a half cup in all, and another week before I could tolerate a cup at a time. Then I would get desire to eat, and finally after three weeks, was actually not only able to eat a full meal but enjoy it as well.

Then I got cravings for certain foods, mainly salads, fresh vegetables, soups and seafoods. And it was another week before I could eat and enjoy beef. During this time my urine went from a dark brown to a neon yellow, so I knew I was on the mend.

I also felt health coming back into me, and started to enjoy the little things such as cutting the lawn without feeling it was going to kill me, and even the problems at work no longer bothered me and sort of considering them like their own alcohol, put dealing with them down as well.

When you go through something as severe as I had to, you tend to find a new love for the everyday things you either did from instinct or needs. Eating is my best example, but chores as well, especially at work as I learned to enjoy that labor for myself, no matter if the people around me enjoyed me helping them out in their labors.

I haven't completely stopped drinking as I occasionally enjoy a couple drinks with a meal when I eat out, and a couple after work about once every two weeks and once again my classmate reminds me that is not a good idea and could trigger another relapse. I love the fact that while I can enjoy that occasional drink, I can put it down as well.

Because of what got me to that point, I doubt that enjoying drinking occasionally would trigger such a relapse, but his tale of caution does figure into how and when I drink. The one rule is no booze in the house and if I want to drink, I go out at the time or if drinking at home, to pick those drinks up. It is too easy to fall into that trap again.

That classmate in a pissing contest with me, won both the drinking and near death experiences as he was drinking two liters of Vodka a day and had went well past the point of tolerating liquids to all he could drink was the Vodka and would even throw that up too. Just like I hope my story can help others with problems they might not know what they have, seek a solution before it is too late, or at least inspire all of the people that read this to consider things in their lives and seek a more peaceful means and enjoyment that will help them in their daily lives.

... I probably will never consider myself accepted by members of my class, it has dawned on me that a few of my class members have greatly added to both the quality of my life, but also a friendly and spiritual force in my life as well. That classmate was indispensable in my life at a time when I needed advice, guidance and support to get past a couple near fatal hurdles I wouldn't have been able to get over.