“Hello, Greenland?  This here’s Maudie.  Yessir, I’m from the U.S., How’d you know? 

You been gettin’ lots of calls from us, huh?  Well, how do ya like that.  What?  Why’m I callin’?  Curiosity, that’s why.  What have you got that we would want, is what I’d like to know?  No, Sir, I’m not bein’ rude, I’m just curious. 

I mean, besides lots of ice, what else ya got? No, sir, nuthin wrong with ice, I mean, maybe in small quantities, you know, like maybe a cooler full.  Ha ha ha. Not funny, huh?

Thule Air Base?  Early Warning system?  Huh. Well, that’d be handy, yes siree. Ya don’t say… China wants to buy it, too?  Hmmm. Ya’ll got any gold mines or diamonds or anything like thet?  No. Oh. Just ice.  Yes, you said that. How’s that selling on the open market?  I’m just joshin’ ya.  ha ha ha. Hey, ya got polar bears and seals and stuff like thet?  What? I’m wastin’ your time? 

Well, how ‘bout this…how’s your real estate market?  Houses sellin’ pretty good?  How ‘bout land?  You got lots of land for sale?  Ya got ice.  Noooo, sir. No, I’m not in the market, myself, but I’ve got a cousin in…  well, I’ll be danged if he didn’t hang up on me. Now, who’s bein’ rude?"

Ya know, President Truman wanted to buy Greenland, too, but they said no. I’ll tell you something.  Greenland’s too cold for these old bones—bet your aunt Bessie’s long johns!  I wouldn’t last five minutes up there.  No, sir. 

Ya know, if the Pres. wants to buy a country, why dudn he buy Costa Rica – somewhere warm and pretty?  Yeah, that’s a T-Whistlin idea.  I think I’ll call him and ask him.

"Hello, White House? May I speak to the President, please?  This here’s Maudie and I got a suggestion for him.  I know he’s busy, but this won’t take but a second.  Oh.  Tell you and you’ll tell him?  Okay.  Tell him wouldn’t Costa Rica be a nicer country to buy instead of Greenland?  You’ll be sure and tell him?  Well, that’s mighty nice of you.  Yes ma’am.  Thank ya kindly.

Where’m I callin’ from? Why you wanta know?  Am I in the building?  No, ma’am, I’m home, in my house.  Would I mind stayin’ on the line for a few more minutes?  Why, no, you wanta talk some more?  Sure.  Yes ma’am, I’ll be happy to.  You bet.  Lessee, I got two sons and a daughter, and they each got a slew of kids and grandkids, but I don’t get to see ‘em much; I think they think I’m too interested in their lives.  Yes that is too bad.  I mean, I’m int’rested, dontcha know. ‘Course I am.  You got grandchillun? 

Hey, you know what, they’s a buncha cars pullin up in front of my house.  What in the world’s goin’ on?  Hello?  Hello?  Dang if she didn’t…. hold on, hold on, I’m comin…”