General Fiction posted June 24, 2019


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When did God begin?

In the beginning

by Randa Dayle


"There will come a time, when some will wonder, how many past generations of time would it take, to discover that extraordinary moment when God or God's began.
On Avowal we do not wonder, we know we are the first."
Recorded by: Memorialist Ginger
Blue Allotment. Year 433

Chapter 1
In the beginning
In a time aforetime there was darkness and it was infinite and cold. Inside that vast cosmos of nothingness, traveling in the anti-gravity sphere for eons and eons, comets, giant frozen ice balls of gas, rock, and dust race to and fro through the vastness singing t-ch, t-ch, t-ch. Filling more of that infinite void are billions upon billions of pebble-sized meteoroids made up of extraterrestrial nickel, iron, and stone, and if they could, they would be the storytellers sharing with us all they have seen. Giant jelly beaned shaped asteroids speckled and cratered looked as if they were floating peacefully, but were actually moving at uncalculated speeds.
In the beginning, there were no stars, there were no moons, there were no planets, there were no measurements for time, there were no days, there were no nights. Nothing except an enormous universe which smelled like burning metal and filled with debris without any purpose. Only an infinite galaxy, of scattered puzzle pieces of worlds to come, some planet-sized, some infinitesimal specks, all with zero ability to do anything except to continue their onward motion, in the cold darkness of nothingness.
It is unknown how many years the universe stayed in that stagnant state of existence until a giant collision occurred. It was inevitable. Two or more planet-sized orbs collided with an impact of unmeasured violence, which caused a chain reaction that changed the world from that time forth.



I went to a writers conference and it was suggested to change my POV from Zody and Grandmama Jogee to the Crowned Heads, so I'm trying a re-write. This is a partial chapter, I am just looking for what is working...what is not, and any other help you lovely people would like to give
Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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