Was it goodbye or au revoir, I met him in a bar
on holiday in Crete. He was tall, dark and fit, looked a bit like Brad Pitt
and he said his name was Pete.
He offered me a tic-tac as I stared at his six pack,
Wow, this guy was a real handsome dude.
He asked me my name, so uncool to be called Lorraine
so I said my name was Jude.

The barman's name was Stavros who I'd fancied the pants off,
he'd taken me for a kebab the night before but we couldn't even speak
because his English was like my Greek and besides he was only five foot four.
So he could sling his hook, the slimy little shmuck,
now that I've found Pete I want him to be mine so I ignored all his glances
and V signed his advances, he could stick his kebabs
where the sun don't shine.

This Pete was such a stunner that it really was a bummer that
I'd not met him when my holiday began.
I kept thinking how ironic as I drank my gin and tonic that
on the last night I'd meet my dream man.

We talked all night and kissed as we gradually got pissed
then we went to a disco by the sea.
I knew that it was fate that I'd met my soul mate
and this meeting was destined to be.

We danced beneath the trees to the sound of Black eyed peas
but I was flying home the very next day.
He said he didn't want to lose me, he was flying home next Tuesday
but when he got back he'd call me straight away.
I was so excited as soon we'd be re-united
and I've counted every minute of each day.

Four months have passed since then, I'm no longer a size ten.
my belly's getting bigger every day.
I've tried to ring him up but get some kennels in Sidcup.
How could he treat me this way?

I made a big mistake, that guy's a worthless fake
and till I find him I'm never gonna quit.
He told so many lies but he's in for a big surprise
because by hook or crook I'll find that lanky Git!