Humor Non-Fiction posted February 10, 2019


Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
new family addition - maybe

Alexa

by pome lover


Is Alexa part of your family?
Are you having fun with her?
She CAN be fun. A lot.

There are times, however, I'd like to wring her electronic neck.

Sometimes I forget that she has no brain, no reasoning powers, and I get frustrated when she doesn't understand me. Then, of course, I remind myself that I HAVE a brain and I need to remember how to phrase my commands.

But last night I lost it. I got really put out with Alexa.

I was getting ready for bed. All I wanted was some soft music to read and get sleepy by. I said, "Alexa, play some soft Chris Botti." (I know it's trumpet music but he plays some soft ones and he has some neat duets.)

Alexa says, "Shuffling songs by Chris Botti," (which usually means a lot of songs.) She plays one and shuts off. So, I say, "Alexa, more by Chris Botti." She says, "hmmm, I don't believe I know that one."

I curse myself, silently, and say, "Alexa, more songs by Botti." This time, she plays two.

I try again. "Alexa, play more."

Silence.

"Alexa, more songs by Chris Botti."
Loud trumpet jazzy song. I yell over it, "Alexa, STOP!" I forgot to say, "soft songs."

Silence.

"Alexa, play Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata." (I have diverse taste in music.)

She does, and it's lovely. When it's over I say, "Alexa, more Beethoven." Again, she doesn't know that "song."

I close my eyes in frustration. Opening them, I realize I left a light on in the hall. I get up and try one more time as I'm walking out the door: "Alexa, play Gabriel's Oboe, from 'The Mission."

The next thing I know she's playing another loud, jazz thing. The title of which must sound something like what I said. Don't tell me she doesn't have a brain. She is sadistic.

I'm shouting, "No, no, no," which of course does no good. "Alexa, stop."

By this time, I'm not only not sleepy anymore but about at the end of my rope. However, I will not let her beat me. So, I say, "Alexa, play some Billy Currington," leaving the selections up to her. She says "Shuffling songs by Billy Currington." She plays "People are Crazy," and stops.

Wouldn't you think "some" means more than one?
I say, "You electronic &%$#X)(&... you are driving me crazy!"

Silence.
She's sulking.
I am, too.
Stalemate.

Gritting my teeth, I say, "Alexa, just play some SOFT MUSIC. MAN, what a dummy." (I've really gone round the bend.)

Alexa actually says, "Shuffling songs from Music Man."

I throw my book at her.

I now have no music, no book, and I'm too blasted mad to go to sleep.
Brilliant.
~
It's morning. Sunday. I wake up and chuckle over my foolishness last night. It's quiet and the sun is coming in my window -- a beautiful day. I look over at my electronic nemesis.

"Alexa, play Amazing Grace."
She says, "Amazing Grace by Alan Jackson."

Alan Jackson sings in his soulful voice. Peace. Restored.

"That was wonderful, Alexa. Good choice."

She lights up.

I think I'm forgiven.


Recognized


my sweet South Carolina sister gave me Alexa for my birthday (same sister who gave me the gum balls ) and I really do like it/her (Alexa), but sometimes.....

I didn't really throw my book at her.
I would've liked to, though.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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