Fantasy Fiction posted January 8, 2019 Chapters: -1- 


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Chapter one in my first novel.

A chapter in the book Terry

The birth of Terry

by Sam Saylor

The author has placed a warning on this post for language.


Background
Whilst a great premise for a sci fi film or netflix series, the question of whether one is insane or enlightened, mad or in control of magic is not so pleasant when it plays out in real life.
Revised based on reviewer comments. (11.01.18)

I opened my eyes to the white bed sheets and the cleaners around me. The flowers were wilting on the bedside table and the demon promised me when they were dead i would be dead too.
The cleaner said hi but otherwise ignored me as I lay in the bed and stared into the blankness of the white walls. I wished I was a cleaner too. I wished I was the woman on the lawn mower outside the locked windows whistling as she worked. I wished I was doing anything else than being possessed by a demon named Terry. The cleaner continued to clean and I closed my eyes and let the demon jabber on and on. I say jabber but it was more like hissing, constant hissing.

By this point in proceedings, the demon had already convinced me of its definite realness by various displays of its power over me. I was quite aware of the fact that I was more likely to be crazy than to actually have a demon inside of me, but as the demon quite articulately argued at the time, it didn't really matter whether it was insanity or possession because the resulting pain I felt was of equal measure regardless.

The demon's promise was this -- It would eat my mind heart and soul slowly until i had nothing left but pain. It would then force me into a catatonic state, manipulate my perception of time and space and therefore hold me in a prison of my own misery for eternity and beyond. In fact the truth of the situation was that it had been doing this since the beginning of time and my life was only an illusion it had granted to me temporarily in order to rejoice in the pain I would feel once in took it away.

The demon insisted this was the most effective method it had found to cause a pleasurable mix of confusion and horror in its victim. A binary existence, a world of opposites. Ying and yang and so forth was the perfect playground for its demonic intentions. The existence of opposite and contrast it claimed created the perfect canvas for its bloody art work. What be pain without first joy to strip away? No smiles without tears right? No light without dark. No scorched and horrified soul without first the shade of a make believe matrix like life to mollycoddle its victim in waiting within.

To disturb me further the demon insisted that me and it were actually one of the same and that we had merely separated temporarily to orchestrate this much deserved torture. The only thing that actually existed in the world was me, the demon and our true nature which was pain. Everybody else were simply vacant dolls which we had sculpted and and animated with an empty ugliness which soon would become apparent as nothing but a creepy distraction. Eventually everything around me would crumble and this truth of which I had been temporarily ignorant would be made abundantly clear.

In the meantime whilst all this played out, we (myself and the demon) called a psychiatric facility in Copenhagen, Denmark home. Although at the time the demon had no name, I will for ease of reading allow suggest we call him Terry.

Terry had no body and appeared to have almost no effect on the physical world around him at all. He didn't get hungry and seemed to have no interest in the free sandwiches, fruit, tea or coffee in the television room. He wasn't impressed by anything in the physical world and criticized anything I took interest in with a menace that made me feel nauseas. Terry's sole ambition was to cause me as much pain as possible, that was it. No time off, no time for banter or a laugh, just pain and torture.

He would cackle, hiss and rant at me when i was showering, when i was on the toilet, while friends would tell me everything would be okay, when I was tryin to watch a film, while I was trying to ignore him, when I was screaming as loud as I could, whilst I was crying, whilst I was staring at the train track, whilst I played trivial pursuit, whilst I thought I might be able to sleep. He just went on and on and on and on. Terry didn't like anything that wasn't painful and anything that might cause me the slightest joy he would force me to ruminate on until I saw its inner barren and ugly nature.

The only time he would shut up was when I was saying something hurtful to myself. Terry was cool with that because he claimed the more I did it, the more I became him; and fulfilled my destiny to be entrapped in pain and suffering for eternity. My thought of suicide amused him the most because he thought it was hysterical I hadn't figured out that suicide would suit him just fine.

Yes, Terry was a bit of an arsehole and even given my relative lack of experience in being possessed, I think I can say with a degree of certainty that he was extremely efficient at meeting all the job requirements a demon may have had. He was without a shadow of a doubt the worst tenant a mind could ask for, and for reasons that I was still grappling with, Terry had decided to call my dilapidated mind his home.

Now let me be clear, Terry was not pleasant or funny in anyway. He was not a fluffy bunny or a slightly annoying puppy dog nibbling at my feet. He was exceptionally horrible, a totally demonic, nasty piece of work. Terry wasn't a hallucination, I didn't see him in-front of me and I only occasionally felt him. I also didn't hear his voice in my head, he wasn't dis attached like that. "The trick is," he explained "to make you believe that you and I are one of the same! If I'm your thoughts, then I am you, and is there any worse fate than becoming me?"

"Basically you worthless sack of lard I'm going to take over your worthless thoughts, punish you, wear you down, watch you surrender and become me. Then I will watch you torture yourself and those around you until you die. You will hate yourself until your last, pathetic breath."

My thought process in regards to the first demonic thought was the same as anybody's would have been. It was just a stray nasty thought and I just had to focus on nicer things. I supposed it had been triggered by my sudden homelessness. I remember it well because my sister had asked me where I was going to sleep that night. I'd been cruising couches ever since my enlightenment and I think I had started to irritate people with my strange visions and theories

"You can totally stay," she said "It would just be cool maybe if you could split the time a little, maybe with your old place?"

"I'll figure something out" I told her without meeting her eyes than packed my bags and headed out onto the rainy windswept streets of Frederiksberg. I grabbed myself a beer and some smokes with the last of my change and sat there getting cold on some park steps whilst I chain smoked. I stared at the people who were busy getting on with their lives, going home from work and meeting their loved ones. I felt very alone. It was very hard to be enlightened in a world that was asleep. What was even harder was that I had no proof that I was actually enlightened and the doubts were beginning to creep in. Ok creeping doesn't really describe it. The doubts were roaring in and surfing upon the waves of my doubts came Terry.

I didn't know where to go not because of a lack of options, but because I didn't want to freak anymore people out I was starting to act strange and odd because I was beginning to buckle underneath the strain of months of potentially being enlightened without help or support. I was not participating in conversations properly, I probably appeared distant and remote and my sense of humor was completely absent. These things I had reasoned were probably natural side effects when you're dealing with one of the rarest events that can occur to the human mind. Enlightenment itself.

"If you're enlightened why are you feeling so horrible?" asked a stray thought that had all the qualities an actual voice would.

"It's just a test," I responded, "only through contrast can I truly appreciate peace"
I heard a cackle and shook it away, taking another drag on my smoke.
"look at you killing yourself slowly, how very enlightening that must be. I suppose you want to appreciate life through death do ya?" asked the thought that was Terry being born.

An hour later I was onto my second packet of cigarettes. The thought that was Terry was starting to get scary.
"This isn't real" I told myself
"I'm very real," said Terry "I'm real and now you will be punished for everything that you have done." The wind seemed to blow harder and dark clouds passed above my head. "All your self indulgence, all your selfishness and all your spiritual self gratification will be punished"
I told myself to stop that it wasn't true, that I was just tired and that saying bad things to myself wasn't helpful, but the thoughts continued unabated.

"Look at you shaking" said Terry as I attempted to light my next cigarette, look at your hands barely working. In the end nothing will work, none of you. Look at you killing yourself with all those chemicals, you deserve what I will do to you"
"fuck" I cursed, It was just my thoughts but they were getting as dark as the clouds were above and I wasnt starting to get scared.

I took my phone out and rang my friend Marta.
"Marta, hey its Sam" I said
"I know," she replied "Your number kinda shows up when you ring"
I explained to her what was happening and how dark and scary things were feeling.
"Sam look I'm kinda rushing around here packing stuff up at work. Im heading up north to my sisters house on the coast. I've said for weeks you just need to slow down, take a breather and let your mind calm down. Come with me and I promise you that your gonna feel better."
"I'm going crazy, I'm sat here talking to myself Marta!" I exclaimed desperate for some immediate comfort "I've got no money left either, how can I come to the coast with you?"
"Your not crazy," she replied "crazy is just a box people use for the things people don't understand. Meet me at my work. I'll pay for your train, you're gonna feel much better"
I sat there in silence.
"Right?" she asked.
"Right" I said, pulling myself together and hanging up the phone.

"You will not feel better," said Terry "you will feel much more worse. This will be your first lesson in realizing that nothing and nobody can help you"
"Shut up" I cursed silently, grabbed my bag, lit yet another cigarette and headed to the central station.
It was busy in the terminal but I found her and her kid at one of the platforms and was greeted with the warmth I needed and had hoped for. We rode until the city became coast and coast became forrest and we were nearly there.

Its all gonna be fine with a good nights sleep I told myself.
"Sleep" cackled Terry. "You will certainly not be escaping through sleep, wait and see what happens if you try to sleep"

Marta told me tales of her life and her work and our friends and her child and anything she could to get my mind away from the pain I had explained to her I was feeling. She was doing the right thing, but little did she know it was having no effect whatsoever. Whilst Marta was busy persuading me everything was going to be alright, Terry was busy persuading me he was very real and that I was most definitely about to be possessed.

I looked at Marta and her child and realized that for them everything was normal, just as it had been for myself many months ago, before all this had happened. Before my adventure, before holy water and full moon ceremonies, before teleportation and magic wands, before any of it had happened. Before all of that my life had been normal, just like Marta and Gustavos. I wanted nothing more than to hit reset and forget any of it had ever happened.
"No going back you piece of shit," laughed Terry, " and you should stop looking at the child, you don't deserve to be near innocence. Maybe ill possess him too and it will be all your fault"
"This is bullshit" I told myself, Im just going temporarily mad thats all. But I knew it might be true. After everything that had happened to me, after everything I experienced during my enlightenment, why shouldn't there also be demon's and beasts?

"Are you okay? You've drifted off again." said Marta.
"No, not really. Im not okay at all" I admitted. "I feel unwell, Im not sure we should be going to the beach, I think maybe I need to go get help instead."
"Like the mental hospital?" she asked
"Yes the mental hospital might be better than the beach right now Marta."
"Well," she said soothingly. "Let's go to my sisters, and stay a night. We can see how you feel in the morning. If you still feel this bad we can go to the hospital. Just try to relax Sam, no feeling last's forever does it?"
We spent the afternoon and night in her sisters house which was located in a nice alternative community in the north of Sjaelland. It was a beautiful small home and we were hosted by Marta's sister and boyfriend who seemed to be a very happy couple. They were both working jobs they liked and had two beautiful children.

I felt immensely jealous. I could of worked hard for a life like this for myself. A beautiful home, children and an alternative and progressive community but instead I was homeless and talking to myself. "its all over now" said Terry "Tonight is the night I start breaking you down, tonight is the beginning of hell. Enjoy your last night because after tonight you're mine"

I tried. I did try to enjoy the night. We ate nice food, I did flips on the trampoline for Marta's kid and made him laugh. We rode to the beach where we laid on our backs and stared up at the stars. I listened to the waves cascading on the shore and tried to remember times when things felt simpler; I couldn't remember a thing. We rode our bikes back in pitch darkness and I pretended to laugh as Marta told me funny stories on the way home. I might even of come across like someone who felt partially okay.

In every second of silence though there was those thoughts rabbling away. They told me that I would never enjoy a single day of joy in my life ever again. It was literally one of the worsts nights Ive ever had. The whole evening I was dreading going to sleep and being alone. I hoped and prayed Marta would invite me into her bed, that she would hold me so I wouldn't have to to be alone with my thoughts. She didn't though, she slept with her child and I slept with Terry.

I lay alone and terrified on the hemps above the main room on a tough and hard futon that was covered in sand because I had forgot to rinse myself off. The family began to snore, and Marta and her kid joined in. I was alone and it was time for the night to consume me.
My skin felt hot and prickly, the thoughts rabbled away at me, evil words and promises stabbing into my psyche until I was so exhausted I wanted to be sick from it all. I rolled back and forward, the hard dry sand rubbing into my skin, pitch darkness surrounding me. Eventually after what felt like an eternity the the thoughts turned into nonsense and what should have been the warm healing embrace of sleep engulfed me. Instead of darkness and blissful unawareness Terry waited for me. Dreams of torture, blood and murder, horrible things happening to my family and then in the end after what felt like an eternity of bombardment there came a voice, a real loud voice that was not a thought at all but the darkest chord ever strummed from the beyond. It was strong, mean and cruel. It pierced my shuddering little heart.


"I'm here!" it hissed as pain engulfed me
"Has he given in yet?" it asked nobody in particular
"No but it matters not. He is mine now"
Then this demonic presence surrounded me and engulfed me and I felt a type of horror that I never had and never would again.
"From now on there will be no sleep, you will never sleep again" It told me.

I awoke covered in sweat. I didn't sleep again that night. Try as I might I could not fall asleep.
"You will never sleep again" said Terry, "never. You will be destroyed and broken and apart through your own exhaustion, havent you heard you can even die from a lack of sleep"
I tossed and turned and watch the sun come up. It looked like a bleeding heart.
I refused breakfast and sat almost silently all the way back to the city.
Two days later I hospitalized myself as Terry laughed at me.
"They are going to lock you up and throw away the key" he said.
No doubt I thought. No doubt about it at all.


Recognized


I am very welcoming on notes on content and especially grammar - Ie my biggest mistakes etc what I really need to work on.
Love writing but constantly put off by my terrible grammar!
Please be a bit brutal... Im not being funny or anything but there is no way my story is excellent, so only give me five stars unless i'm crazily mistaken and I'm gods gift to writing :P
Thanks so much in advance.
Sam
Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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