I had given her an engagement ring two years ago on Christmas Eve. We had been sweethearts since junior year of high school. I was now a senior in college and we planned to marry in June after my graduation. We had spent the past three Christmas Eve's together decorating a tree in my first floor apartment, in an old grey-stone near campus. Over the years, we purchased ornaments in memory of special occasions in our life together. As we placed them on the tree, we would recall the joy of the event each commemorated. I prepared to place the crowning glory on the tree. Pulling a chair close to the tree, I climbed up and was about to place the angel we purchased at Marshall Field's last year. Susie loved the angel because she had blue eyes and blonde hair exactly like hers. I remember her saying, "See I will always be your angel."

I had noticed that Susie had been checking her watch a few times, but I didn't say anything. As I was about to slip the angel on the peak of the tree, I heard a loud sob. I turned almost losing my balance; I said in a caring tone, "What's the matter, Sunshine."

She looked up at me, tears foaming in her eyes, "I'm so sorry, I can't do this anymore."

"Are tired of doing the tree? Do you want to quit for a while, maybe go out and get something to eat?"

"No, I mean us," Susie said, as she took off our engagement ring and placed it on the table.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I'm sorry, I've met someone else," she said. "I have to go. Please don't come after me."

She grabbed her coat and ran out the front door. A cold breeze swept in. I heard a car door slam. I was stunned, still standing on the chair, I threw the angel to the floor, jumped down and stamped on its head. I sunk to my knees, and stared at the ring on the table. Waves of hurt and anxiety crashed on the shores of my heart. I turned to the tree and pulled off every memory ornament and smashed them against the wall.

That was Christmas Eve one year ago. I have been alone this entire year. I debated about whether I should even put up a tree, then on December 23rd I decided I still need to buy one. I reasoned I had to move on. Christmas comes every year, and I can't stay stuck. I had to face the reality that Susie was not here. Tears watered my eyes as I placed the lights and new ornaments on the tree. I imagined the ring, pledging my love forever, laying on the table where she left it. A chill shuddered me. I shrugged it off and finished decorating by placing a star on the tree top. I plopped down on the couch, gazed at the tree and tried to fight off the cloak of despair slowly shrouding me. The tree didn't help; the joy of Christmas was gone. I sat suffocating with loneliness.

My eyes roamed about the room, I focused on the front window. A light snow was falling. I said to myself, "I've got to get out of here, I'm going for a walk, maybe clear my head." I put on a scarf, and zip up my leather jacket, the one Susie had given me last Christmas. I ripped it off, kicked it to the corner, and resolved to give it to the Salvation Army. I put on a storm coat with a hood that I used when shoving snow.

I walked out the front door and carefully negotiated the icy steps. Silver moonlight highlighted the snow glistened neighborhood. I took a deep breath and found the crisp air refreshing. Glancing up I reveled in the beauty of night sky spangled with frosty stars. I walked cautiously over snow covered sidewalks, yet to be shoveled. I loved the way Christmas lights were peeping from under blankets of white, and at the icicles clinging to roofs and branches, sparkling with a diamond flare.

I thought the night beautiful and hoped the walk would soothed my wounded heart. I marched on, breathing the cool air, trying to nurse my despair. I passed window framed lovers with gifts to share. My wound bleeding again. I sighed, wishing, hoping, breath-sprites danced before me in the frigid, night air. Suddenly, her beguiling face emerging before me. My mind reeling back to the delicate lace of our two year embrace. My soul stirring in fervent prayer. "Come back, please, I love you." Then a spiteful wind swept her away.

Alone, on Christmas Eve, I walk the night.