My name is Chocolate Thunder. But, you can call me KoKo for short. Most of my friends, and some who are not very fond of me either, do.

I am a one hundred percent, genuine, card-carrying member of the full-blooded Black Lab club. Stately and proud, I have one, two, three, four sturdy legs. Count them while I wiggle them for you. My coat is shiny smooth and I can shake my wagger, Wanna see? Back and forth the greeter goes.

Barking is my favorite pastime; long and loud! Most of my dog comrades claim I have a pleasing personality and I am highly intelligent. Oh, and by the way, I can talk.

What, you didn't know all dogs in Dog Heaven can talk? If we couldn't talk the place wouldn't be Dog Heaven, now would it? No, that would make the joint Dog Hell.

As I look down into the depths of the bottomless abyss below, I'm reminded again that's one habitat where I do not want to dwell. No siree, Bob! I ask you, what dignified dog would want to have to answer to a - a pussycat? Makes me shudder just to consider such an evil notion.

Little did I realize how soon I'd lose my happy home. The scene unraveled at the annual Royal Order Coronation Parade for the Grand Maltese. What a glorious mess! The parade stretched out for at least three miles.

The Grand Maltese is the HHiC, Head-Honcho-in-Charge of Dog Heaven. It was at this celebration I temporarily forgot that dogs in Dog Heaven can read minds. Three tiny words caused all the hullabaloo.

"Arrogant, pompous, ass!"

Yep, that's what I thought.

Decked out in his splendid regalia, the Grand Maltese passed by me.

Most of us considered that to be the perfect description of the ankle biter. None of us truly befriended him, though we tried real hard to convince him we did. However, I'm the only one to ever publicly express that shared sentiment.

The lead motorcycle corps arrived, followed closely by the blaring sirens of a variety of cars, marching Mariachi bands, an assortment of not-so-funny clowns, and balloons of every color, shape, and size. All, in their own way, exonerating another year of rule by the Grand Maltese. Whoop-de-flipping-doo!

You should have seen how instantaneously he halted, right there in front of me, on the crushed red velvet carpeting where my downfall occurred. Luxurious and soft to the touch, the thick pile massaged my aching paws. Aww! Sweet relief.

"What did you just think of me, KoKo?" the Grand Maltese challenged my reflective contemplation.

Flames blazed in his almond eyes. Small and delicate, even for his breed, the sprite's silky, flat white coat presented him a haughty appearance. Often he came across as standoffish and over-dependent. In my estimation, not a good combination.

Slow and deliberate, with clear pronunciation, I vocalized what I'd thought loud enough for those around us to hear.

"Jebediah, you are an arrogant, pompous, ass!"

Nearby, other dogs gasped in disbelief at my sullen remark.

They thought, "Oh no KoKo did not just say that!"

They went stone silent, tucked their tails tight between their legs, and slunk away. The Grand Maltese and I stood eyeball to eyeball, glaring at one another.

"I am appalled you would consider me in such a negative manner, KoKo. We've been together for a millennium. What brings forth this resentment?" the Grand Maltese questioned me in his beguiled manner.

"Get off it, Jebediah. You have everyone here except me buffaloed into believing the insidious horror stories you tell, convinced none of them measure up to your lofty expectations. And, should any of them dare cross swords with you, your pride does not allow you to forego the confrontation even when they are proved correct. Our issues started a couple years ago when I first experienced this fiasco," I unloaded the frustrations buried deep inside me.

Offended, the Grand Maltese raged, "Guards, seize him!"

A hushed murmur rose from the crowd. A stern scowl from the Grand Maltese quieted them. The citric fragrance of sumac, with its red drupes and trifoliated yellow flower clusters, permeated the air as four huge Rottweilers encircled me. The largest secured the front. Two flanked my sides and one approached me from behind. There was no need for the display of force. I said my piece. I'd face the consequences of my comments.

"Take him to my throne room and bind him there until I arrive."

Off we tromped. I figured the whole ordeal would settle down and the storm blow over. The chambers contained intricacy that featured a glorious high-backed wooden chair with overstuffed arm rests. Elaborate carved singing birds, lions, tigers, and bears abounded.

Surrounded by a seven step dais, and covered by a proscenium arch, the throne bore ivory and walrus bone plaques. I plopped down on my haunches, smiled at my captors, and waited for what seemed like an eternity. The Grand Maltese always accomplished things on his own time. Finally, he appeared smug and puffed up. His demeanor sour.

"Feast your eyes upon the autocue, KoKo. It is significantly important that you do."

Without speaking, I humored the Grand Maltese, stood up and made my way to the visual screen. He turned the apparatus on and a scene unfolded.

After the action ceased, I looked at the royal poobah. "Why, he is nothing more than a miniature version of the male variety; a short statured gnome of the two-legged species. In my book, they deserve whatever misfortunes befall them."

"Au contraire. If I were you, KoKo, I would reconsider my supposition."

"Clue me in," I replied.

"Because your rebellion merits your expulsion from Dog Heaven, the lad's safe return unharmed to his home is the only way you will ever regain entry back here," the Grand Maltese pressed a button on the viewer console. "See ya!"

A hole opened in the floor underneath where I stood. Unceremoniously, I spiraled downward in a free fall.

"Geroni - MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I called out as I tumbled.