Humor Fiction posted September 24, 2018


Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Tongue in cheek look at belief

Always hope, never expect

by Earl Corp


My belief system is more of a hope system. I hope Judgement Day is like George Burns described in Oh God, a lot of yelling and screaming but we all get forgiven and into Heaven. I also like the idea of Valhalla and I hope there is one within Heaven, the idea of telling war stories and drinking honeyed mead served by buxom Valkyries works for me.

Reincarnation sounds cool, but I don't want to come back as a tree or a mosquito. I do kind of hope that Judgement Day is like watching Monday morning films in football. God, wearing a baseball cap with a big 'G', keeps rewinding your most embarrassing moments while asking "What were you thinking here?"

I do believe in God and that Jesus died on the cross to save us. But I don't feel my beliefs trump yours, it's a personal thing you have to square away with your deity. Donating lots of money to churches and evangelists may, or may not, buy you a ticket into heaven If it does, I'm screwed royally.

In the Army your religion goes on your dog tags. If you don't pick a religion "No Preference" goes on your dog tags. This bothered me a lot, I didn't want to get zapped in combat then have to explain why I had "No Preference" on my dog tags. My solution to this was to have Catholic put on my tags. This covered two bases I chose a team to be on and priests are required to speak over you on the battlefield, and this gave me some comfort. As a side note, there was a guy in my unit in Germany who had Satanist on his dog tags.

Why my beliefs matter to me is, I feel, just as important as the next guy's. While I have a hard time getting my head around some other guy's God told him to blow something up so he could get into heaven, the idea of 72 virgins sounds coo. But it's not a deal breaker if that's not happening where I go.

In the end does it really matter what you believe? Someone is going to be right and someone is going to be wrong about the afterlife. Even Christian religions can't agree on what happens when you die; Catholics go to purgatory, Presbyterians believe everything is predestined and can't be changed, Others think that there will be a holding pen in heaven until Judgement Day, and Jews don't believe in an after life AT ALL.

We might as well let everyone believe what they want, because it's not hurting anyone. Imagine if you kept calling Buddhists and Hindus heathens and Norse, Greek and Roman religions mythology. Then when you go you get ferried across the River Styx by Thor only to be judged by an elephant with eight arms who throws lightening bolts at the earth. Uh oh, someone is being reincarnated as a dung beetle.

It's like the Great George Freaken' Strait said, "I aint here for a long time, I'm here for a good time."


Your beliefs: Why do they matter? writing prompt entry
Writing Prompt
So the title is the text. This is the sort of "pre-class" essay I would assign when I was in school, because I am a collector of different beliefs. This contest is designed to be for anyone. What I have discovered is that serious self-reflection helps the writer to fully find their voice. It is a distinction that sometimes does not matter. If nothing else what you write will be terribly honest. What I want is an essay of a minimum of 500 words telling me about the thing you believe in more than anything, why is this important to you, and how you react when someone disagrees with you. Do you shake your head and smile or does it boil into complete outrage? Be honest. Say why a different belief may offend you.

No book length discussions, please. I am, feel free to send it to me, feel free. I will read it. You will not be considered for the competition, because how much time do you think I have to read your all of your bullshit?

Good luck. I am very much looking forward to this. Have a couple days . . .


This was written to entertain. It wasn't intended to offend, piss off, anger or antagonize anyone. Not my usual fare but I took a leap of faith.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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