My dearest husband and I met on my first holiday alone.

My friends did not manage the dates that I had my holidays, and my mother refused to buy them too. So I really dived into the deep end of the pool, by going on my one.

I was so scared of drowning in this pool, that I shit myself. This happened just when we landed. Fortunately, this did not stop the old lady next to me to chaperon me. I first cleaned myself of course. Then a bus took us to our hotel.

I asked her: 'Will you really help me and protect me?'

She: 'Yes, of course, my dear. It will be a pleasure to help you and share a table at meal times. It gives me company too.'

'Thanks so much, I am very grateful.'

I am afraid we only had two or three meals together. My love life intervened.

The first-day an Italian guy picked me up at the bus stop. I wanted to go to museum's, but he had absolutely no interest. Near the hotel, on our return, he asked: 'When shall I see you again?'

'Just when we bump into each other-which meant I have no interest at all.'

The second evening I met Robert in the bar/disco. I thought and he too this is how love at first sight feels. Robert whispered in my ear: 'Why is that Italian guy looking so angry at me?'

'Eh,, I don't know. Do you believe that?'

'No, not really or better not at all.'

So I had to tell Robert, what happened the other day. Fortunately, he did not get upset. But is that good or bad? I thought about this a very long time. I decided that it was just how he was. Later I heard this was due to his terrible upbringing. His father abused and beat him from a very young age.

Then, after I chose you, you brought me back to my hotel room. I invited you in for a cuppa, you saw this as an invitation for sex. And somehow we ended up in my bed and had sex together the whole night. This became the best joke between the pair of us: ' Who seduced who?' I never told anyone this before.

Now back to you Hon, I miss you something terrible. I wanted to join you not just in life but in death as well. I hoped you wanted this as well. I flew around Earth and Heaven to try and find you.

'Please, send me signs for direction. If I were with you, I dropped in no pool anymore and did not shit myself. That was the most embarrassing moment before we met for the first time. I didn't tell you, I think.'

Robert: 'I smelt you though.'

'Did it not put you off completely? Obviously not or you did not come to me. And then to think about the fact, that I came home engaged after a one week's holiday. I told you, that when I came over I fancied another guy, but he did not want me. Because he lived just around the corner of the hospital park, he was too nearby. Some friends from the hospital advised me to take some make-up and stuff to find another nicer guy. That turned out to be you, dear.'

This dialogue showed both of us, how different we were and stayed in how many words we used. Mind you the biggest compliment I ever received- through the boys- came from your ex-wife (Kate). She said to them how much more open and talkative you became. I noticed it not so much, as I was with you every day. When we married you trusted nobody, not even me. 'Boy, did that hurt me?' You and I both seemed this to be due to me and some therapists you had. On the other hand, I worried a huge part of our marriage, if I was too much like Kate. Kate and I had many interests in common, like showing and breeding dogs. Also, more than I remembered, then and now.

When the boys came we were on common ground. One time she asked me to step in and keep the control. I did as I agreed to a certain extent. The boys got far too much freedom from their biological father, Robert. He let them get away with murder and too many late nights. I did not think it was for their benefit, but for a big part for his own.