Spiritual Non-Fiction posted February 4, 2018 Chapters:  ...18 19 -20- 21... 

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Part 2

A chapter in the book Beauty for Ash and Stone

Addictions - Day 20

by MelB

The author has placed a warning on this post for sexual content.

Christian Devotional for Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Day 20

~ Addictions (Part 2) ~
One who has been drinking or using drugs is less likely to ask for help and may assume the abuse was their fault.  Alcohol and/or substance abuse can lead to further victimization. 

Addiction and sexual abuse have stigmas attached.  A woman at a party, who is raped, can be viewed as at fault for her “bad decisions.”  She may have avoided sexual assault if she weren’t drinking, but no one desires to be raped!  Those with addictions can be viewed as weak, even though others don’t realize what this person has experienced.  This puts more guilt and shame on the victim of sexual abuse and further hinders seeking help and healing. 

We need to have more compassion for sexual abuse survivors.  We should realize they have been traumatized in the most personal and intimate way.  They did what they had to do to get through and survive.  To stop sexual abuse, we need to educate ourselves on the devastating effects and ramifications it cost the victim.

I was 8 years old when I was molested, and at some point, raped.  I remember the molestation, but have no memory of rape, other than being asked to be penetrated, to which I said no.  I’m not sure how long the abuse occurred, but in prayer, God revealed it lasted 4 years.  I suffered from depression, anxiety, fear, nightmares, and low self-esteem, self-hatred, and anger, fits of rage, suicidal thoughts, isolation and loneliness.  I battled with anorexia in high school, tried marijuana and drank alcohol in college.  I was a people pleaser, perfectionistic, a workaholic, and went through a phase of excessive working out at the gym 2 hours a day, 6 days a week. 

I never tried drugs, because my mom gave me a diary of a girl who overdosed on LSD.  When I read the girl hallucinated about bugs crawling all over her body that was enough to scare me.  I later told my mom, the best thing she could have ever done to keep me off drugs was to give me that book!  When I drank alcohol and used marijuana, I let men use me.  I believed if I let them do what they wanted, they would care about me.  These kinds of men are not worthy of even your time!  No matter what I tried to rid myself of the pain … nothing worked! 

My marriage was in trouble, my life was a wreck, and I hit rock bottom.  I was angry at the world and hated life.  I hated myself more.  I was 38 years old, and came to the end of myself.  I was 25, when I told my husband the secret I had been carrying my whole life.  When I spoke out, something changed and the burden lifted some.  If you get anything out of this book, please don’t miss this:  When I turned my life over to Jesus Christ, and gave Him my anger, sorrow, and pain … it is at that moment – I started to heal!  Nothing else worked!   

Are you ready for God to take away your pain?  Even if you are angry and blame God for what happened, He understands.  He still loves you.  He wants to heal you. Will you let Him?  If so, pray:  God, I’m ready to heal.  Please come into my heart, and help me.  Amen.

“They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it.” 1 Peter 3:11

Book of the Month contest entry


This is a Christian devotional book for survivors of sexual abuse. It is not meant to be the primary source, but a single tool used in conjunction with other resources, in addition to counseling and/or a sexual abuse support group. The "chapters" are short because they will be pages, not chapters in the book. Each day is meant to build on from the previous day. If you are reading a single "chapter," you may not understand the full intention of this book.

Thank you for reading! I know this is tough material, but I am writing it to help others heal the way I have. Some of you may worry that it upsets me to write the details of my life. I've already written a novel about my life called 'Abuse No More: A Journey of Healing. It is posted on FanStory, if you'd like to read it. For those that don't know, I am a Christian counselor and facilitate a sexual abuse support group. I am used to talking about my life, the abuse, and the mistakes I made. It doesn't bother me at all. It's like another lifetime ago or as if I'm telling someone else's story. In essence -- I am. I'm not that person anymore. Praise God!
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