General Fiction posted November 19, 2017

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
a crazy romp through the barnyard

Three Piggies socialist experiment!

by Bar62

Once upon a time, there were three little Pigs, these three Pigs were very progressive thinking Pigs, who put their progressive ideas into practice. The three little Piggies were much more advanced than the majority of the other animals who lived in the barnyard. In fact, it could be said that the rest of the animal 
population was nothing more than dumb animals.
The three Pigs had attempted to organize the barnyard animals to go on a strike. The Pigs wanted to strike for better living and working conditions. The living conditions for most of the animals were horrible. There was little if any privacy if an animal wanted a roof over its head, it had to share a space with any number of other animals. The poor, hungry, and thirsty animals were fed slop, the animals were expected to drink from the troughs, the drinking water was disgusting. There were flies all over, which created a breeding ground for all manner of disease-carrying insects, larva and other forms of disease and decay. There were animal droppings basically wherever the animal chose to eliminate. When the people who live in the big house decided to slaughter an animal they killed the poor dumb thing without any compassion or respect. 

 The three little Piggies decided amongst themselves, that they would take a survey to see what issues the other barnyard animals may have.
Piggy #1, among his list of animals, were the cows & bulls. He strode into the pasture to question the heard of cows. He chose one cow (he knows it’s a cow because it has a prominent udder.) The udder indicates that this cow has had calves, and has nursed them from its udders. He’s also fairly certain that this cow is a JERSEY cow, due to its brown and white coloring.  This Jersey is a bit off to itself and peacefully eating the grass.
“Excuse me, Mam would you mind if I asked you a couple of questions?”
She spits out a wad of grass, and then asks, “what questions?”
Well, like if you have any complaints about your life on this farm?”
“Hmmm” the cow ponders the question as she masticates her mouthful of grass.
“I wanted to sing Opera but no one took me seriously.”
“Did you tell anybody about your dream of being an Opera star?”
“Sonny, what planet are you living on, all I can vocalize is Moooo. Mooooo!
“But, how would you sing Opera if all you could produce was Mooo?”
“Do me a favor and scram, before I get my friend Boris the Bull”
As Piggy #1 is walking away, the Cow mutters to herself, “Crazy kid, what complaints do I have, I’m a cow for Christ sakes.”       
Piggy #2 is sitting by the chicken coup trying to blend in, not look too conspicuous. When the coast is clear he says to all the chickens, “Good day to you may I be permitted to ask you all a question or two? My brothers and I are conducting a survey that we believe will improve your quality of life.”
There is a big fracas in the chicken coup. All the chickens are squawking, feathers flying all about, and the older hens are flying right into the fence of the closed-in yard, all trying to pinch or scrape or otherwise inflict bodily harm on the very freaked out Piggy #2.
Hours later after Piggy #2 had taken a nap did the three little Pigs find out that what the chickens heard was much different than what the Pig said. What was heard by the very excitable chickens was “Today we want to take your lives.”
Trying to get through too or organize these animals was like talking to a barb wire fence. So, the Pigs who were most likely much more intelligent than the people living in the house kept their progressive thinking ideas on the quiet side.
As the three little Pigs saw their immediate problem, the Wolf possessed these potentially positive attributes:
  1. He could count up to 5, at least that’s what they observed.  
  2. He was in pretty good shape, and he could blow really well.
  3. He could be quite persuasive and had a very good vocabulary.
  4. He actually appreciated some of the Pigs progressive thinking ideas.
On the negative side of the ledger: He thoroughly enjoyed eating little Plump Piggies.
The Pigs had learned from past experience that straw and sticks did not cut it in terms of building materials, when up against the Big Bad Wolf. The Pigs had some friends who they had met on their travels. They had met a beaver named Buck, a beautiful strong, young horse named Midnight, and a wise old Owl, that everyone called Einstien. The three little Piggies invited their new and also progressive thinking friends over for a house building party. The Pigs had procured a whole lot of building materials including bricks, lumber, steel poles and joints, and they even had enough cement to lay a strong foundation. With Buck who had tons of experience in making dams, Midnight who could carry and move all the bricks and lumber the Pigs needed, and Einstien who had no problem figuring out the dimensions of the different rooms, or the thickness needed for every wall in resisting the wolf’s attacks. With the help and division of labor, with mandatory breaks for all those working, they finished in time to have a very productive and informative conversation about implementing major changes in the barnyard.
 Not long after the Pigs friends had left, the Big Bad Wolf had snuck up to the Pigs new very strong home.
There was a pounding on the door, and the wolf’s rough low voice said,
“I do say, what an absolutely smashing abode you three lovely little Piggies have constructed. Let’s not dally any longer. Be ever so kind and let me in.”
“You can blow till your blue in the face, you Capitalist . . . a, swill”
The first little Piggy was unable to finish the sentence because it usually was you Capitalist pig or swine, neither of which worked in this particular situation. Swill was a last-minute choice of descriptive words.
“Brilliant choice of an appropriate insult my little brother, the term Pig Swill leaves little to one’s imagination, it is the slop we are doled out every day, making the connection between Pig Slop & the Capitalist mindset, was nothing less than a perfect coupling of the two words.” The oldest and wisest Piggy was very proud of his younger sibling.

”PIggy #1 is overwhelmed with the praises rained on him by his big brother.
“Ouch, that hurts, being called Pig Swill is one thing, but coupling the Pig Swill with Capitalist cuts me to the quick.”
“You are trying my patience, Pretty soon I will bust down your door and rattle your walls, for I am the meanest Wolf with the biggest balls” Geeze, where do they find these writers? "You three little porkers open the damn door my patience is wearing thin, so do hurry and LET ME IN"

     (("That’s it, I’m not going to repeat these stupid lines. Who is the main writer?"

" What can I do for you Mr. Wolf?, I’m the main writer, as a matter of fact, I’m the                                     only writer."

      "Can ‘t you give me some lines with some substance, I feel like an idiot                                                                                           
      saying those lines!"
       "Well, I’ll check into where our audience is, we don’t want to get ahead of our followers, do we now?"

"I would appreciate it if you could look into it. I’m not asking for much, just a couple of lines with
     some depth, some underlying truth."

      "OK, I promise I’ll look into it, it’s time to get back to work."


The third little Piggy, who was the oldest and wisest of all three-Piggies said to his two siblings,
“Why don’t we let the Wolf in, I believe we can talk to him, hey I got it, let’s invite him over for dinner.”

The two younger Piggies were a little bit dubious of their brother’s idea, but he was generally a good judge of character. So, the Wolf was invited. He could not believe his good fortune, to be invited into the house of three plump little Piggies, and they would be making a dinner to boot.
When the Big Bad Wolf arrived right on the dot for dinner, he entered into a kind of beautiful castle. It was warm and toasty due to an exquisite wood burning fireplace. There was gorgeous and intriguing art on the walls. A large oak bookcase covered most of the west wall, with books on philosophy, religion, politics, and great works of poetry and fiction. The first Piggy handed the Wolf some sort of a drink, which he hesitated in drinking, momentarily thinking the Pigs might have poisoned his drink, but then realizing his unjustified paranoia he took a sip of the warm beverage. It was delicious! The Wolf proceeded to finish the drink to the very last drop. A quite pleasurable feeling slowly took hold of the Wolf. His vision which was keen and sharp, on the lookout for any traps, lost its sharpness, the Wolf sat down on an extremely plush, completely comfortable lazy boy recliner. The Wolf was so comfortable and had slipped into such a state of well-being, eating the three little Piggy’s was the furthest thing from his mind.
“How do you feel?” asked Piggy #3.
“I feel wonderful, like nothing in the world could do me any harm.”
“This is good, stay with that feeling”
“How do you feel about the three little Pigs?”
“They are wonderful as well; I’ll bet they taste wonderful too!
“That is not a good place to be, let go of those thoughts” declared Piggy #3.
The Wolf had somehow bypassed the psychedelic component that the magic mushroom milkshake was supposed to deliver. He was still feeling, um, well the best way to describe how the Big Bad Wolf was feeling at the moment was “Electric.” He possessed enough focused awareness to be able to converse with the Pig, pretending that he was still under the influence of the Shroom shake-a-roo, and at the same time be planning his next move. He decided to ride along with this Piggy, who had impressed the Wolf tremendously.
“Hey man, I’m seeing some wild colors, can you dig that?” the Wolf said in a hypnotic tone of voice.
“Excuse me for just a moment.” The now agitated little Pig said.
The three little Piggies gathered in the kitchen.
“He’s playing us.” Reported Piggy #3.
“What do you mean, he’s playing us?” inquired Piggy #1
“I’m pretty sure he knows we drugged him, he’s hamming it up (no pun intended) for all its worth.” Piggy #1 told his siblings.
“What are we going to do, I just don’t trust him.” Piggy #2 questions with a hint of anxiety sneaking into his voice.
Just then the Wolf sticks his head through the door and suggests that the three little Pigs join him in the dining area. The Piggies were all shaking with fright. Piggy #1 sticks a large butcher knife in the back of the leather belt he was wearing. Piggy #2 carries a heavy wooden rolling pin, and Piggy #3 has a stun gun in his back pocket, (you never can take any chances when dancing with The Big Bad Wolf). The three little Piggies walk out into the dining room.
“Have a seat boys, we need to talk?” The Wolf says,
“I have to tell ya, you three little Pigs have impressed the hell out of me. The house that you built, it’s like a fortress. Your collection of art and books, I’m trusting there not here just for me? Which one of you is into the Kabbalah, I noticed a few books on that subject?” All three of the Piggies timidly raise their hands. A look of excitement takes over Wolf’s face.
“Do you celebrate the Sabbath, and keep the holidays?”
“We try” Piggy #2 answers for the three.
“So, you’re not going to eat us?” Piggy #3 asks.
“Let me tell you something, this Big Bad Wolf gig, I am a victim of typecasting. Once you nail a part the way I nailed the Big Bad Wolf, well what happens is your cast in every role where it calls for a mean, strong, dumb as a post bully. Yeah, I know a lot of characters who are having the same problems. Take Goofy for instance; he plays a dopey, airhead better than just about anyone. What do you think are his chances of getting a leading role as a Casanova, or a lady’s man? They even stuck him with that God-awful name. How does he expect to get any other parts if he keeps that name?
“What you need is a union, who can fight for your rights.” Cries Piggy #3.
“Yeah, but first we need to see if there are enough interested people.” Chimes in Piggy #2.
“We can get you and all your friends better wages, reasonable hours, and much better and diverse roles.
All three little Piggy’s start chanting Union, Union, Union, UNION!
“Can you get me Saturdays off, I would like to attend temple?”
And so the three little piggies along with the cool, thoughtful, Hebrew scholar, the Wolf all lived a progressive, communal life sharing all jobs in their tight thriving community.



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