General Fiction posted October 23, 2017

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A Full House

Presidential Pow-Wow

by Bar62

“What time are the boys going to get here, John”?
“I told them all to be here at 7 pm.”
“Who’s coming again?”
“Franklin Rothchild, Norman Newman, Peter Trees and I told Tommy (Kinkade - John Kinkade's brother) to stop by if he wasn’t doing anything.”
“"John, your brother is a card shark, and I believe he cheats."

“Yeah, it’s too bad he’s my brother.”
“If you get caught cheating, I won’t have anything to do with it.”
“There’s not going to be any cheating, except for right now, come here you fox.”
“John, you’re incorrigible.”
“Take your clothes off.”
“John, no, no.”
John has JudithAnne on the bed with her hands and feet tied to the four bedposts. Just then their butler knocks on the door. “What the hell do you want,” John yells.
“Sir, Mr. Franklin is waiting for you in the parlor.”
“Alright, offer him a drink, I’ll be right down.’’
“Honey, finish what you started, I need it as much as you do.”
“What about if I ask Charles to stand in?”
“The butler huh?” “OK.”
“Franklin, please excuse me for being a bit late.

“No need to apologize, John, if I had a wife that looked like JudithAnne I would get no work done at all.”

 “Just between the two of us, this is my second. It was either join you and Judith or have another drink.”
The doorbell rings, Jack almost forgets that Charles has his hands full at present.
“Excuse me, Franklin.”
“Hey John, how’s it 

“How are you doing, Peter, Norman?”
Franklin is already sitting at the table. “Howdy guys,” Franklin says.
“What can I pour you guys?”

“I’ll have a whiskey,”  Peter says.
“And what about you Norman?”
“Yeah, that sounds good, a whiskey please.”
John sits down at the table and picks up a deck of cards.
“ah, I didn’t tell you guys but I invited Tommy. I thought another player would be good.”
“Just as long as he doesn’t pull any of that bullshit like the last time he played,” Norman says, placing his cash on the table. “I’ll buy in for $100”. Norm says with finality.
“Well, if that’s the buy-in, I’m in for $100
“Me too,” says Franklin, already working on a good buzz.
“OK, fellas, first ace deals,” John says as he shuffles the cards. The ace of diamonds comes up for Norm.
‘Your deal Norm, what’s the game”
“Umm, let’s play five card draw, high only, nothing wild”
“So, what do you guys think about that coo-coo bird in North Korea? ‘some nut case, no?’
“The question is who is crazier, Jim Long-Dumb or The Ronald?”
“I don’t know, that Long-Dumb is pretty much certifiable. Peter chimes in.
“No doubt, but don’t you think The Ronald is pushing him just a little too hard?" Norm poses the question.
 “I think he would love to get us into a war with North Korea and Iran; to get the heat off his team’s dealings with the Commies.”
“Where are we I’m lost?” Franklin asks
“You keep downing those drinks as fast as you have been, and you won’t know your name.” John makes an observation.
“We have not drawn cards yet.” Peter brings everyone back.
“How many cards you want Pete?”
“I will take two.”
“Ok, John how many cards?”
“I will have two cards as well, please?”
“Well, seeing as I have shit for cards, the dealer takes 
three.” Norman says.
“I believe it’s your bet, John.” Norm reminds John.
“OK, I’ll bet $25.”
Franklin says, “What did you pull John?”
All betting goes around the table, then John turns over, 1,2,3 four Kings.
" I couldn’t believe it, I Had two kings on the deal, and then I pull two more fat boys on the ‘draw.’”
“That’s an excellent hand, John.” Says Franklin.
“Lucky says Norman”
“No Norm, there was a lot of skill in pulling those four kings.”
"Let's not be spoiled sports, remember it’s just a game, and we’re playing for the enjoyment of getting together. I for one enjoy this monthly game of poker with my ex-presidentes'” Franklin tries to get everyone back in a good mood.
Just then Tommy enters the room. Pulls up a chair and sits down between Norman on his right and Peter on his left. “Hi fellas, how is everyone doing tonight? Tommy Kinkade is the only one at the table who was not President ; he was Attorney General and ran on the Peace & Love ticketm however the Dems and Republicans just plain outspent him.
,“Tommy I don’t mind if you play with us, hell your money is as good as the next guys, I just don’t want any of that bullshit occurring as happened the last time we played.” Norm whines.
“Yeah, I’m sorry you feel that way, Norm old buddy. I guess it’s all in the eye of the beholder; you see it as bullshit, and I see it as highly professional poker playing.”
“Bullshit!” Norm says, more as a comment than a direct reply.  
“A C-note buy-in Tommy,” John informs Tommy.
John shuffles the cards, and deals them out,

“seven-card draw, high/low, a buy at the end, and duce’s wild.”
Peter says as he calls the bet by Franklin, “Man, Mother Nature has sure been pissed off lately, the hurricanes just about sunk the island of Puerto Rico. And if that wasn’t enough we had the earthquakes in Oklahoma, and the fires in Northern Calif.”
“Can’t understand why anybody should get pissed off, we have done little if any preventative work on our infrastructures, basically because we needed to spend the billions of dollars elsewhere, like on taking government planes for private trips at taxpayer expense. We have a Commander and Chief, who cannot stop himself from insulting people wherever he goes. Think about the idiotic practice of FRACKING and then ask yourself what the connection is between fracking and the earthquakes in Oklahoma. This government is totally way off the dime, and it better get its priorities straight pronto.” Tommy was off to the races on his liberal bandwagon.
“Tommy please save us these liberal harangues, we all know that the world is going to hell in a handbasket,” Peter says after listening to another of Tommy’s rants.
“Who’s bet, is it?”
“I believe it is Franklin’s.”
“It’s your deal, Tommy.” John passes the deck to Tommy. Tommy then shuffles the deck of cards three or four times, then passes the deck to Pete to cut. “OK Gentlemen the game is Texas Hold em’, for the next half hour, you can bet any amount you’re comfortable with. The buy-in is $100, which means that one of you high rollers is going to be $500 richer when the half hour is up. Before we begin a few house rules: no one touches the cards that are designated “common cards” (or hole cards), the only cards you can touch are the two cards your dealt at the beginning of each hand. Is that clear? If everyone agrees then we can proceed with the game. Let me just explain a hand so we’re all starting off at the same speed.”
Tommy deals everyone two cards. “Now the betting begins, John you are the big blind so Franklin it’s up to you to bet, call or raise.”
“I will bet $50”

“OK, now each one of us has to either call the bet, raise the bet or drop out of the hand”. Tommy tutors. Then the dealer puts down “The Flop,” Then more betting, Franklin? Still liking his hand Franklin bets another $50. When it comes around to John he surprises everyone by raising the bet to $100. Charles and Peter both drop out. The next card is dealt face-up, this card is called “The Turn”, additional betting occurs, Both Franklin and Tommy stay in the hand with John. and then the last face up card is dealt. This final card is called “The River” One final round of betting takes place, John plays it safe by raising just $25, Franklin calls his bet, Tommy decides to chance it and sees the $25 and raises $200. John folds, saying “That’s a bit too rich for my blood. Franklin has a modest stack in front of him.

The River gave Franklin a full boat, ten's over seven ‘s. He looks at Tommy, he knows he’s not bluffing, but a full-house is a damned good hand. He decides to call Tommy, throws his $200 in the pot and turns over his full house. 
Tommy sits there for a moment and says, “I just have two pairs.” Franklin gets this big grin on his faces and begins to take the money, when Tommy says, “the two pair happen to be two four’s and two four's -- Four of a kind.” Tommy lays down his four 4's.
That sobered Franklin up quickly. The other players didn’t appreciate the way Tommy played with Franklin.
“it’s only 9:30, I’m good for another hour at least”. John says.
“I can play to 11 pm,” Pete says
“That sounds good for me as well.” Norman agrees with 11 pm as an ending time.
‘Well, I want to get back some of my money from this Huckster.” Franklin says half-jokingly.
“The cards are yours, Mr. President.”
“Thank you, Mr. President,” Franklin says.
“The game is 7/27. I know we have two pro-NRA, second amendment advocates with us here tonight, I just would like to know, how did you feel after you heard about the nut-case that killed 58 innocent people, and wounded hundreds in Las Vegas. When the hell are 
we going to learn that the only reason to own a gun to kill something, either people or animals. There is absolutely no other reason that anyone should have to carry a gun, loaded or unloaded.
“Well, as one of the card-carrying NRA members, there is nothing I could say that would justify the insanity, and that’s definitely what went on at the end of that concert. I still maintain my  right  to own and carry a gun.” Norman says with pride.
“How many guns, rifles, automatic weapons do you own Norm? Franklin ask.
“Well I don’t own any automatic weapons, let’s see I own . . .  five, yes five guns, two rifles and three handguns.” Norm answers.
“You hunt, do you not Norman?"
“Yeah, I like to hunt deer.”
“So, you like to kill deer?”
“I don’t like the actual moment of their death.”
“Well then I’m confused, you don’t like the moment of killing the animal, yet you enjoy hunting,” Franklin says with mock sympathy.
“Peter, what about you, you also belong to the NRA?”
“That is correct,” Pete says in response.
Franklin is relentless.
What do you think about the insanity of Las Vegas?
“I’ll tell you what I think, would y’all like to know what I think?” Franklin offers his opinion.
“Franklin, you’re getting a little excited which I don ‘t think is good for you,” John says to Franklin.
“John I do appreciate and value your concern, but I’m fine, so do me a favor and bugger off.”
“Hey, do I have to call this game?” Tommy stands up and waits for all the talking to stop.
“This happens every time we bring up the issue of guns. So, I suggest we ban guns, the NRA, or any other issue that touches on guns. Can we all agree on that? Tommy test for consensus. All at the table agree to ban the topic of guns, the NRA or any tangential issues from any future poker games. All agree!
“Well I don’t know about anyone else, but I need a drink.”
“I’ll second that.” Says Franklin.
“Franklin, you have had enough to drink. On top of that, you never dealt the cards for 7/27 and now we’re into Hold em.” Peter states.
“Jesus Christ, alright, alright. Let’s play some damn poker.” Franklin shouts, obviously losing his cool.
“We have about 10 minutes left of Texas Hold em. After we're done with Hold Em' we can go directly to 7/27.’” John informs the group.
“Norm I believe it is your deal.”
It turns out that this is the last hand of Hold em, It comes down to a very large pot with just Tommy and Norm still in. It’s Tommy’s bet, Tommy goes ALL-in. This hand is worth $500.  Norman is not at all the seasoned card player that Tommy is. But Norm has a full-house, Jacks over fives. Norm decides to go for it, and Tommy also has a boat, but it’s nine’s over eights. Norman wins!
“Nice play Norm
” Franklin says as he deals everyone two cards. The game also has a large pot; John and Franklin split the pot. Franklin won low with a 6 1/2, John won High with a 27! It’s 11 pm, and there is no blood spilled.
“Can you guys drive home safely?” John asked Peter and Norm.
“Maybe I’ll cruise the Avenue for a hooker,” says Norman. And then he laughs.

"I don't believe I could handle all the press if it were to get out that I buy sex, every once in a while." Norman Newman says stilln laughing as he leaves the Kinkade residence.

Franklin’s chauffeur is waiting for him, he gives John a hug and says, “No bad feelings”
John says everything is cool, slaps Franklin on the back and sends him home.
Tommy is having a smoke on the patio. John comes out and sits down.
“Well, how did you do?” Tommy ask John
“I’m up about $50, and you?
“Broke even. Next time will you let me play the way I usually play?”
“Let me think about it, right now I have a date in my bedroom.”
“You’re a lucky man Johnny, a very lucky man.

Judith is waiting for John, when he enters the bedroom, Judith jumps on his back and he falls forward on their extra-large King sized bed. Before John knows what the plan is JudithAnne has him tied to the four bedposts, as she was earlier in the evening. The only difference is that John is face down, which happens to be the way JudithAnne likes it. Ride em Cowboy!


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