Humor Fiction posted July 27, 2017

This work has reached the exceptional level
dealing with Mr. Suave

Bad Mens

by pome lover

Bad Mens

"Hey, Joe. Wanta stop for a cool one before you head home?"

"Sure, but just one. Joan and I are having our neighbors over for supper and I promised I'd do the grilling."

"No prob. I want to tell you about this hot chic I met at the grocery store, of all places. I'm gonna give her a call."

"No kidding. She single?"

"Nope, but that's okay. In fact, she's got a little boy. Name's Danny."

"Why you wanta get mixed up with somebody's wife? Nothin' but trouble."

"Nah. Not if you play it right."
~ ~ ~

"Er, hello Danny? May I speak to your mom, please?"

"Who're you? You're not my Daddy."

"No. I'm a friend of your mom's."

"You can't be a friend, you're not a lady."

"Chuckle. No, I'm definitely not a lady, Sport, but I am a friend of your mom's."

"My name's not Sport. My name is Daniel Belsford Whitten, Junior."

Well, hello, Daniel Belsford Whitten, Junior."


"Now, you gonna let me speak to your mom?"


"Why not? Why not, Danny?"

"Because mens shouldn't call my mom when Daddy's not home. I heard him say so! Oh. Are you selling something? 'Cause if you are, I know Mom doesn't want to talk to you."

"No, I'm not selling anything. I'm just a friend who wants to speak to your mom."

"Danny? You still there?"


"Isn't there a girl you know who is just a friend?"

"Well-ell, there's this one girl--her name's Jonesie, but I think that's her last name. I don't know why she's called by her last name. I sure wouldn't want to be called Whittensie! Ha ha, or Juniorsie. Hahahahaha. That's pretty funny."

"That is pretty funny, Danny, but let me ask you this, is Jonesie your friend?"

"Sure. She's neat. You know what she can do?"

"No-o-o, Danny, I don't. What can she do?"

"She can burp a whole sentence! It is totally awesome! It's the awesomest thing in the whole world!"

"I'm sure it is. Now..."

"I've been practicing, and I can burp my name. Wanta hear it?"

"Listen, Danny. I'll tell you what. I'll make a deal with you. I'll listen to you burp your name, if you'll get your mom to the phone afterwards. Deal?"

"Okay, but if I don't do it right the first time, will you let me try again?"

"If you don't do it right, I'll give you one more try, then, no matter what--good or bad--you get your mom to the phone, okay?"

"Okay. I go. I gotta take a deep breath first. Daa-aniel Bels...wait a minute. That wasn't good. I'm gonna try again."


"Daa-aniel Be-elsford. Oh, shoot! Okay, one more try."

"Danny, no. Danny, that was two tries. That's all you get."

"But that's not fair! That's not fair, you old man who shouldn't even be calling! Mom! He's not being fair!"

"Who's not being fair? Who are you talking to?"

"Some bad man who shouldn't even be calling!"

"Hang up that phone this instant, you hear me?"

"No-o-o, Danny don't hang..."


Dialogue Only Writing Contest contest entry

thanks to Liilia for great picture of young boy
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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