An Apartment Too Good for Goody-Goodys!

Hottest real estate available anywhere!


Hobnob With The Most Infamous Scoundrels Of All Time!

Directions: Just follow your instincts to Too Late to Turn back Turnpike,
take a wrong turn to Boulevard of Abandoned Souls. If you need help finding #666, don’t expect any from denizens, so don’t ask. Just keep looking until you find it. 
But hurry!!

One small, uncomfortable room located on dead end.
Perfect for masochists! All the excruciating extras you deserve!
Guaranteed permanent residency.
This is where everyone has told you to go all your life!
Face it, you have no choice, anyway.


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Ideal Apartment Now Available! 

You’ve heard about the Pearly Gates! 
This may be your last opportunity to walk through them!
 (Only the good need apply.)

Call (800) 426-4663 (IAM-GOOD) and reply to a few automated screening questions.

If you qualify, a heavenly chariot will convey you to Eden Gardens Eternal Living, at your convenience. 
After an enchanting tour of the Eden Gardens paradise, you'll be invited to select from the many styles of apartment dwellings, dating back to their 19th century introduction.

There you'll be offered living quarters beyond your wildest dreams, and overwhelmed by the generous rental terms. Having made your choice, the best is yet to come! Close your eyes, and imagine your ideal living space - fully furnished exactly as you imagine it, with an unlimited budget. Open up, and you are there, in your new apartment designed by your own mind!

Surprise! Your rent is free! The man upstairs, the landlord, says He’ll take care of it, because He knows what a wonderful person you are. 

If, perchance, you understand you do not qualify for residency at Eden Gardens, please see our other ad, headed, "An Apartment Too Good for Goody-Goodys!"

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