| General Poetry
posted November 2, 2016 |
Chapters: |
...8 9 -10- 11... 
|
self discorvery
A chapter in the book Prosetry
Loving me
Cults
the innocent called to extreme religion
the world narrowed into beliefs
that tell you how to act
how to believe
how to think
I pretend
It would never happen to me
I surely would know
If false beliefs were being thrown at me
controlling my thoughts
my actions
my dreams
my desires
Yet
I know
there was a time in my life
when I never made decisions
I believed others knew more
if I followed I would be loved
cared for
cherished
a life with no decisions
a belief
I wasn't strong
or intelligent
or special.
I constantly sought reassurance
comfort
love
from those that wanted to change me
Re arrange me into what they wanted
What they thought I should be
Their ideal of a wife
or daughter
A private cult
some would call marriage
and I followed those directives
on a daily basis
and no matter what I did
it was never enough
I fell short of the glory of God
or man
or anyone else I gave my strength to
until
the hurt inside overwhelmed me
I began to question
the one person who really knows
myself
me
I
the mentor of my own life
I asked the hard questions
Why do you seek others to tell you who you are?
What do you want to be?
What do you believe?
What do you want to become?
Who the hell are you?
I wish I could say
there was a revelation day
When I began to become me
This funny, life loving soul I am today.
but it didn't happen
that way
It was slow.
One momentous moment at a time
when I knew that somewhere
inside of me
A great, loving, kind, intelligent person
lived
It was even later that I found someone
My husband of almost twenty years
A man who wanted to love me
Not some pretense of me
a person who enjoyed my humor, my spirit
And slowly we have learned to love each other
For the imperfect people we are
Not something we want each other to be
And I can honestly say
I know true love.
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