Humor Poetry posted October 20, 2016

This work has reached the exceptional level
Just when you thought it couldn't get wierder.

Clownpocalypse 2016.

by Mark Valentine

I'm not sure if this is a global phenomenon, but over the last few months, in the US and Canada, there has been a wave of clown crime, including murders (I'm not making this up). Clowns are roaming the streets, scaring and robbing people. A more mature and sensitive person would not make fun of this. Unfortunately, maturity and sensitivity are not my strong suits.

To the tune of Judy Collins' "Both Sides Now".

Bozo’s nose and laughing eyes. The huge red shoes, the squirting ties,
And getting hit with whipped cream pies, I’ve looked at clowns that way.
But nowadays they’re not much fun. They’re always scaring everyone.
Saw one last night who had a gun. He didn’t want to play.
I’ve looked at clowns from both sides now,
They creep me out, and still somehow,
I used to laugh when they’d pratfall,
I really don’t know clowns at all.
There was a clown named Har D. Har. I once thought him a superstar,
The way he climbed out of that car, with twenty of his friends.
But now I wonder just what guile, was hidden ‘neath his painted smile.
Perhaps he was a pedophile – focused on seedy ends.
I’ve looked at clowns from both sides now,
As kooks and creeps, but still somehow,
They’re not as fun as I recall,
I really don’t know clowns at all.
When I was young, the clowns prevailed, their reputations unassailed,
But then one day they all were jailed. And they served five to ten.
Now some of them have been paroled. They roam through cities uncontrolled,
A sight I’d rather not behold. I want to run, but then,
I think of clowns from yesteryear,
They caused no harm, instilled no fear,
But that was all before the Fall,
I really don’t know clowns at all.



Lyrics to the original:

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun they rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done, but clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's cloud's illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real, I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show, you leave 'em laughin' when you go
And if you care don't let them know, don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud, to say, "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way
But now old friends are acting strange they shake their heads, they say
I've changed
But something's lost but something's gained in living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
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