| General Flash Fiction posted October 16, 2016 |
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A man chooses a wife.
Charlie Kemper
by Ric Myworld
Charlie Kemper was a busy man. He worked twelve to fourteen hours a day, kept up the house and yard, and still found time for the dating scene.
After six years of west coast living, he had loaded the bare necessities and driven home to Ohio.
Charlie’s dad kept pestering him about his bachelor, playboy-extraordinaire persona, with nit-picking questions, meant only with the best of intentions and concerns. Smiling, he asked, “So, Charlie, boy, have you found yourself a girlfriend yet?”
“No, Sir, Pops, I sure haven’t.” Charlie answered, sheepishly. “I’m still just using everybody else’s.” Of course, Charlie thought his line was cutesy. However, his father’s stern, aggravated expression showed his lack of appreciation for Charlie’s attempted humor.
Recognizing his inevitable mortality growing closer with every day, Charlie started considering the possible upside of having a wife and family.
Over time, considering his father’s concerns, Charlie routinely started dating dozens of different women. Figuring what better time than the present to grow up, settle down, and become a man. Even with his reservations.
Setting up his calendar, he reserved one night every other week for each woman’s date night. Dinner, dancing, local and regional theater, and traveling musical performances topped their lists of activities, with movies thrown in here and there.
Over six months of wine, women, and song, Charlie separated three eligible bachelorettes from the pack. Choosing a trio of drop-dead gorgeous babes blessed more with beauty than brains suited him perfectly. The seen-and-never-heard, blonde-haired beach bunny was all tan and fit; the redhead was a porcelain-skinned doll with sparkling green eyes; and the olive-complexioned, raven-haired enchantress was mesmerizing.
Charlie’s decision should have come easier now that he had drastically decreased the numbers. However, it was harder than ever. Back and forth, from one to another he switched his choice from day to day.
Finally, Charlie gave each woman $10,000 and allowed them to do with it as they pleased. This way, he thought he might learn their traits. He would find out who was stingy and self-centered, who was kind hearted and generous, and which of the women should become his wife.
Carol took her money and headed straight for the most extravagant, overpriced salon. She enjoyed a total makeover, including hair, facial, massage, and make up. She bought some slinky new outfits, which showed off every bulge and curve. Then, she told Charlie that she had done it all for him, so that she could be more attractive for him.
Charlie smiled, seemingly impressed.
Christy headed to the mall. She bought Charlie Titilest golf clubs, a computer, along with a flashy Kiton suit and expensive accessories. She explained to him that all she ever wanted in life was to make him happy and do things for him.
Just like with Carol’s reasoning, he seemed impressed with Christy's choices.
Kelly took the ten grand and invested it in the stock market, earning several times her initial investment. She gave him back his original $10,000 investment, and reinvested the remainder in a joint account for the both of them to share. She told him how she wanted to save for their future, because she loved him so much.
Charlie was definitely impressed with how Kelly had handled her share of the money.
Obviously, this was the hardest choice Charlie had ever had to make. He stood for the longest time. Looking back and forth, examining each woman from head to toe, up and down, before making his final decision.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Sometimes, men do the damnedest things. Oh, yes they do.
Surprise Me writing prompt entry
Charlie Kemper was a busy man. He worked twelve to fourteen hours a day, kept up the house and yard, and still found time for the dating scene.
After six years of west coast living, he had loaded the bare necessities and driven home to Ohio.
Charlie’s dad kept pestering him about his bachelor, playboy-extraordinaire persona, with nit-picking questions, meant only with the best of intentions and concerns. Smiling, he asked, “So, Charlie, boy, have you found yourself a girlfriend yet?”
“No, Sir, Pops, I sure haven’t.” Charlie answered, sheepishly. “I’m still just using everybody else’s.” Of course, Charlie thought his line was cutesy. However, his father’s stern, aggravated expression showed his lack of appreciation for Charlie’s attempted humor.
Recognizing his inevitable mortality growing closer with every day, Charlie started considering the possible upside of having a wife and family.
Over time, considering his father’s concerns, Charlie routinely started dating dozens of different women. Figuring what better time than the present to grow up, settle down, and become a man. Even with his reservations.
Setting up his calendar, he reserved one night every other week for each woman’s date night. Dinner, dancing, local and regional theater, and traveling musical performances topped their lists of activities, with movies thrown in here and there.
Over six months of wine, women, and song, Charlie separated three eligible bachelorettes from the pack. Choosing a trio of drop-dead gorgeous babes blessed more with beauty than brains suited him perfectly. The seen-and-never-heard, blonde-haired beach bunny was all tan and fit; the redhead was a porcelain-skinned doll with sparkling green eyes; and the olive-complexioned, raven-haired enchantress was mesmerizing.
Charlie’s decision should have come easier now that he had drastically decreased the numbers. However, it was harder than ever. Back and forth, from one to another he switched his choice from day to day.
Finally, Charlie gave each woman $10,000 and allowed them to do with it as they pleased. This way, he thought he might learn their traits. He would find out who was stingy and self-centered, who was kind hearted and generous, and which of the women should become his wife.
Carol took her money and headed straight for the most extravagant, overpriced salon. She enjoyed a total makeover, including hair, facial, massage, and make up. She bought some slinky new outfits, which showed off every bulge and curve. Then, she told Charlie that she had done it all for him, so that she could be more attractive for him.
Charlie smiled, seemingly impressed.
Christy headed to the mall. She bought Charlie Titilest golf clubs, a computer, along with a flashy Kiton suit and expensive accessories. She explained to him that all she ever wanted in life was to make him happy and do things for him.
Just like with Carol’s reasoning, he seemed impressed with Christy's choices.
Kelly took the ten grand and invested it in the stock market, earning several times her initial investment. She gave him back his original $10,000 investment, and reinvested the remainder in a joint account for the both of them to share. She told him how she wanted to save for their future, because she loved him so much.
Charlie was definitely impressed with how Kelly had handled her share of the money.
Obviously, this was the hardest choice Charlie had ever had to make. He stood for the longest time. Looking back and forth, examining each woman from head to toe, up and down, before making his final decision.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Sometimes, men do the damnedest things. Oh, yes they do.
After six years of west coast living, he had loaded the bare necessities and driven home to Ohio.
Charlie’s dad kept pestering him about his bachelor, playboy-extraordinaire persona, with nit-picking questions, meant only with the best of intentions and concerns. Smiling, he asked, “So, Charlie, boy, have you found yourself a girlfriend yet?”
“No, Sir, Pops, I sure haven’t.” Charlie answered, sheepishly. “I’m still just using everybody else’s.” Of course, Charlie thought his line was cutesy. However, his father’s stern, aggravated expression showed his lack of appreciation for Charlie’s attempted humor.
Recognizing his inevitable mortality growing closer with every day, Charlie started considering the possible upside of having a wife and family.
Over time, considering his father’s concerns, Charlie routinely started dating dozens of different women. Figuring what better time than the present to grow up, settle down, and become a man. Even with his reservations.
Setting up his calendar, he reserved one night every other week for each woman’s date night. Dinner, dancing, local and regional theater, and traveling musical performances topped their lists of activities, with movies thrown in here and there.
Over six months of wine, women, and song, Charlie separated three eligible bachelorettes from the pack. Choosing a trio of drop-dead gorgeous babes blessed more with beauty than brains suited him perfectly. The seen-and-never-heard, blonde-haired beach bunny was all tan and fit; the redhead was a porcelain-skinned doll with sparkling green eyes; and the olive-complexioned, raven-haired enchantress was mesmerizing.
Charlie’s decision should have come easier now that he had drastically decreased the numbers. However, it was harder than ever. Back and forth, from one to another he switched his choice from day to day.
Finally, Charlie gave each woman $10,000 and allowed them to do with it as they pleased. This way, he thought he might learn their traits. He would find out who was stingy and self-centered, who was kind hearted and generous, and which of the women should become his wife.
Carol took her money and headed straight for the most extravagant, overpriced salon. She enjoyed a total makeover, including hair, facial, massage, and make up. She bought some slinky new outfits, which showed off every bulge and curve. Then, she told Charlie that she had done it all for him, so that she could be more attractive for him.
Charlie smiled, seemingly impressed.
Christy headed to the mall. She bought Charlie Titilest golf clubs, a computer, along with a flashy Kiton suit and expensive accessories. She explained to him that all she ever wanted in life was to make him happy and do things for him.
Just like with Carol’s reasoning, he seemed impressed with Christy's choices.
Kelly took the ten grand and invested it in the stock market, earning several times her initial investment. She gave him back his original $10,000 investment, and reinvested the remainder in a joint account for the both of them to share. She told him how she wanted to save for their future, because she loved him so much.
Charlie was definitely impressed with how Kelly had handled her share of the money.
Obviously, this was the hardest choice Charlie had ever had to make. He stood for the longest time. Looking back and forth, examining each woman from head to toe, up and down, before making his final decision.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Sometimes, men do the damnedest things. Oh, yes they do.
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Writing Prompt This is a flash fiction contest. Write a story that has a surprise ending. Since it is flash, the word count must be between 200 and 600 words. The ending can be funny, sad, shocking, etc. But the reader has to be surprised. |
 Recognized |
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