I'm worried about my son, Bill and that new wife of his. What's her name, oh, yeah, Mary Ellen. He called earlier to let me know they are coming over this afternoon. He said they have something to tell me. It's such a beautiful afternoon, the sun lighting a cloudbank over the lake. It looks much like the Rocky Mountains. I love sitting here on the patio, the smell of fresh cut grass and the trees just showing tinges of fall. It is a beautiful afternoon. I hope they don't ruin it.

Those two are always doing something crazy, like climbing mountains or running a marathon.
I can't get my mind off Bill being with that Mary Ellen. She's just too wild. She has a tattoo, I wouldn't have known, except the bottom of her bikini slipped off when she dove off the raft out in the lake and she swam back to the beach without her bottom half of the swim suit. There on her right cheek, in all its glory, was a large Monarch butterfly tattoo in full color. What was wrong with my son marrying a girl who disfigured herself in such a heathen manner?

The other thing about her that I can't stand is that she is never at a loss to express her opinions, be it life, religion or politics. She just doesn't know her place. Women should be like Janice, my wife. She knows when to speak and not to speak. She doesn't butt in when men are having a good political conversation.

I can't stand Mary Ellen's Godless, tree hugging, liberal attitudes. However, I must admit that Bill does seem to love her and she seems to love him.

I was very upset when Bill announced he was going to marry that girl and that they were getting married by a Justice of the Peace in Las Vegas. No church wedding, Mary Ellen doesn't believe in institutionalized religion. She says she can be spiritual without costly churches or ministers to act as her intermediaries with God. Bill has betrayed all the teaching of my life-long guide, Dr. Dobson. I am sure these two are both on the path to hell.

It is bad enough that she is liberal, but she is also a self-proclaimed "evolutionist." I'll be damned, if I will ever agree that I am descended from an ape. I am disappointed that Bill learned nothing from all those years I made him watch Dr. Dobson with me.

He told me he loved Mary Ellen from the first time he saw her walking down California Avenue, in her summer dress, her blonde hair flowing freely in the breeze.

"Oh, oh, here they come."

"Hi Dad, we have something to tell you."

"C'mon sit down," I said, pointing to the empty chairs around the table. "What is it, son?"

"Well," Bill said, "I know that you don't care much for Mary Ellen and that you think she is Godless and too pushy."

"As your grandmother said, 'I don't have to sleep with her.'"

"I know you were shocked when she told you that she fully agreed with Joanne Woodworth's pronouncement that, 'A wife should be a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom.'
But, I must tell you Mary Ellen is truly my soulmate. We are having a wonderful life together."

"I'm glad to hear it, because I think you two are headed for hell."

"Okay, Dad, we know what you think, but this is what we have to tell you."
I saw Bill smile at Mary Ellen. I shifted in my chair, beads of sweat pop out on my forehead.

Bill said, "Dad, call Mom out here. She needs to hear this too."

"Okay," I said, and got up and walked to the patio doors. "Janice, come on out, Bill has something to tell us."

"I just made some lemonade," Mother said, as she came through the patio doors with a tray and four, frosty glasses. She passed a glass to Mary Ellen, and Bill and placed one on the table for me and then sat down at the table and took a sip from her glass.

"Okay, Bill, your mother and I are we waiting."

"Well," Bill said, as he glanced at Mary Ellen. We hope you will be pleased by what we've done."

"C'mon Bill out with it. What the heck have you done? What is it you want to tell us?"

Bill walked over to Mary Ellen and took her hand.

"Go ahead," Mary Ellen said.

Bill cleared his throat. "Dad and Mom, we have thought about this and discussed it for some time. We hope you two will be pleased by what we have done."

"Okay, son, go ahead. What is it that you two have done?"

"Well, Mom and Dad, we have purchased the two cemetery lots next to yours, so we will be with you and Mom for all eternity."

I stood up, knocking my glass of lemonade off the table and sending it smashing on the cement. I said, "Holy smokes! I walked over to Bill and Mary Ellen and took both their hands. "My children, your mother and I couldn't be more pleased. That is the best news we could have next to Mary Ellen being pregnant with our first grandchild."