Humor Fiction posted December 2, 2015

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A Cat Bio in Verse

Days of My Lives

by mfowler

Nine lives have passed and now it's time
to reminisce and write my story.
No longer lithe, and past my prime,
this is my feline inventory.
Unlike accepted human thinking,
a cat's nine lives aren't lived as one.
In fact existence haps by linking
the lives of nine before there's none.
Long time ago I walked the streets,
a cat of cool and equal smarts.
So many troubles I would meets
from paper bombs to poison darts.
I was Felix with the magic tricks;
a cat's best friend and problem solver.
I lost my bag - got in a fix.
I was killed by a fake revolver.
My second phase was quite a maze,
for in and out of a hat went I.
In hat went I, and on those days
I could see a mat, but not the skies.
I'd be on the loose with Dr Seuss,
a poppin' here and trippin' there.
One day he died and cooked my goose.
I probably cried - I don't know where.
Then born again I switched my vibe.
I learnt to grin, fade in and out.
'Twas de rigueur for the Cheshire tribe:
confuse the humans with pussy pout.
In Wonderland I met a gal.
She liked my look - I liked her wit.
The Queen of Hearts said: 'Tis grand mal!
Off with the head of the catty twit.
In lifetime four I formed a bond
with Miss Holly Go-golightly.
She called me Cat and I'd respond.
The days were hers, but mine were nightly.
Too many men, so Holly fled;
no happy Tiffany's for breakfast.
With Holly gone I wasn't fed;
her crazy life, unsafe and reckless.
 I came alive in lifetime five
as Garfield, connoisseur of cats.
I needed pie and pizza to survive;
rejected  Whiskas, mice and rats.
My owner, Jon so pampered me.
He hauled me in to see the vet;
contracted Diabetes 3,
death sentence for a mammoth pet.
In life at six, I chased a bird
till tension forced a drastic move;
that Tweety Bird, that feathered nerd,
who seemed to know my every move.

With Granny out, Sylvester's good:
at least that was my bestest guess.
I launched from high but hit the wood.
I heard him tweeting: Whada mess!
You'd think I'd learn from cartoon death,
but the seventh life was even worse.
I was chased around till my dying breath
by a manic mouse in a comic hearse.
I heard the Simpsons cackling loud
when Scratchy chopped me into bits.
Itchy and Scratchy pleased the crowds,
for when I died they laughed in fits.
My previous life was one of pity.
Young Hermione felt for me.
I joined her gang as squashed-face kitty,
the smartest cat in my family.
But, Hogwarts is a dangerous place,
all magicked up with brews and smells.
I came unstuck when face to face
with an evil wizard's killer spells.
This life's been good I have to say
as Willie Shakespaw, the FS cat.
I pen a poem or passion play
to show my fans just what I'm at.
So cats can fill a million roles,
but nine is all that one soul gets.
On FS I've fulfilled my goals.
I'll leave this site with no regrets.



Felix the Cat is a funny animal cartoon character created in the silent film era. The anthropomorphic black cat with his black body, white eyes, and giant grin. Felix was the first character from animation to attain a level of popularity sufficient to draw movie audiences. In 1953, the TV version of Felix obtained the "Magic Bag of Tricks" that could assume an infinite variety of shapes at Felix's behest.
The Cat in the Hat is a children's book written and illustrated by Theodor Geisel under the pen name Dr. Seuss and first published in 1957. The story centres on a tall anthropomorphic cat, who wears a red and white-striped hat and a red bow tie. He is hyper-active and well meaning but his adventures usually end in turmoil.
The Cheshire Cat is now largely identified with the character of the same name in Lewis Carroll's novel Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. Alice first encounters the Cheshire Cat at the Duchess' house in her kitchen, and later on the branches of a tree, where it appears and disappears at will, and engages Alice in amusing but sometimes perplexing conversation. The cat sometimes raises philosophical points that annoy or baffle Alice; but appears to cheer her when it appears suddenly at the Queen of Hearts' croquet field; and when sentenced to death, baffles everyone by having made its head appear without its body, sparking a debate between the executioner and the King and Queen of Hearts about whether a disembodied head can indeed be beheaded.
Orangey, a male marmalade tabby cat, was an animal actor. Orangey had a prolific career in film and television in the 1950s and early 1960s and was the only cat to win two Patsy Awards (Picture Animal Top Star of the Year, an animal actor's version of an Oscar), the first for the title role in Rhubarb (1951), a story about a cat who inherits a fortune, and the second for his portrayal of "Cat" in Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961). In the latter film, Audrey Hepburn plays an eccentric young woman who lives alone and is a magnet for men's attention. Her companion, Cat, is said to be like her, restless and unable to be truly owned.
Garfield is an American comic strip created by Jim Davis. Published since 1978, it chronicles the life of the title character, the lazy, ever hungry and dry-witted cat Garfield, Jon, his owner, and Jon's dog, Odie.
Sylvester James Pussycat, Sr., Sylvester the Cat or simply Sylvester, or Puddy Cat, is a fictional character, a three-time Academy Award-winning anthropomorphic Tuxedo cat in the Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies repertory, often chasing Tweety Bird, Speedy Gonzales, or Hippety Hopper.
The Itchy & Scratchy Show (often shortened as Itchy & Scratchy) is a running gag and fictional animated television series featured in the animated television series The Simpsons. It usually appears as a part of The Krusty the Clown Show, watched regularly by Bart and Lisa Simpson. Itself an animated cartoon, The Itchy & Scratchy Show depicts a sadistic anthropomorphic blue mouse, Itchy, who repeatedly kills an anthropomorphic, hapless threadbare black cat, Scratchy.

Crookshanks is the pet cat of Hermione Granger in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
by J.K. Rowling. He is described as having a "squashed face," which was inspired by a real cat Rowling once saw, which she said looked like it had run face first into a brick wall; most likely a Persian. Hermione buys Crookshanks from a shop in Diagon Alley out of sympathy, as nobody wants him because of his behaviour and his squashed looking-face. Rowling has confirmed that Crookshanks is half Kneazle, an intelligent, cat-like creature who can detect when they are around untrustworthy people, explaining his higher than normal cat intelligence and stature.
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