Satire Poetry posted November 1, 2015

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The Rape of Sandy's Lock

by mfowler

Alas, poor Sandy feels impending loss
as sylphs do flurry, fret at virgin's dross.
They've warned her of a coming catastrophe,
the magnitude of which may be light comedy.
She primps and bounces silky golden hair.
The pony tail adds to her girly flair.
The sylphs adore her virtue, vanity.
Sometimes their passion's pure inanity.
To Sandy, hair is life's prerequisite,
the crucial component of etiquette.
To win that Danny's heart her hair must flounce.
Say, 'Look at me, my pony tail has bounce.'
Not far away, sad Danny dreams 'bout Sandy.
Thinks she's superb, as sweet as cotton candy.
His minions think he's mad, she's not a T-Bird.
She's also stuck-up - that's just what they've heard.
'O Danny, there's dames with way more to offer.
There's Rizzo, Frenchy, others I can proffer.'
But, Danny sets his sights on Sandy's wares.
If not his Sandy, he'll have mementos of hair.
The women he's known - way too easy,
but Sandy seems so pure - right side of sleazy.
and combs his hair with energy and grease.
Only ducktails ever offer peace.
As sylphs flit nearby, Sandy watches Danny.
His hair so cool, and his hip moves uncanny.
She's sipping soda with a raspberry whip.
She's hyperventilating o'er his lips.
The juke box plays and dancers take to floor.
The jocks and chicks start shouting out for more.
And Sandy's spins; her dress is wide, out-flowing.
Seducing Danny's juices without knowing.
To Danny, Sandy is a goddess of desire.
Her bouncy hair, or love, he must acquire.
To him, the trophy is the woman or the hair.
Preferably, he'd like them as a pair.
Sweet Sandy swishes past her lovely man.
The sylphs are warning ruin best they can.
She teases Danny with her dancing mood,
but Danny thinks his girl is cold and rude.
He flicks the knife he carries for protection.
and slices strands off Sandy's hair perfection.
The sylphs aflutter, shriek and point their fingers.
While Sandy's flirting - innocence still lingers.
But then the shifted weight of hair is felt,
the subtlest loss has left her feeling svelte.
She rushes from the dance floor with tears streaming,
disgusted with the object of her dreaming.
T-Birds salute their leaders' shear bravado.
To them he's an Italian desperado.
But Danny knows he's cut all ties with Sandy.
He'll have her hair, but stay upset and randy.
But, Sandy's felt the rape of golden lock.
He's tarnished her virginity with shock.
Her days of loving bad boys without sample,
are gone through Danny's tasteless hair example.
Poor Danny is distraught beyond all measure.
He slicks his hair and combs it for her pleasure.
But, Sandy overlooks his pained distresses.
She's found her romance recompense in dresses.



This poem is a mini-parody of Alexander Pope's The Rape of the Lock, a mock-heroic narrative poem written in 1712 about an actual incident which caused huge social distress for the young lady whose hair was taken.

In the poem Pope uses a strange sort of mythical character called sylphs which are spirits of former women whose job is protecting virginity and trying to offer counsel and protection to young women. I've reprised his 'sylphs' as protector of Sandy's innocence in this instance.

My poem is mercifully shorter (Pope's is 794 lines in length) and uses the characters of Danny and Sandy from 1978's smash hit musical 'Grease' to play out the farce.

The poem is written mainly in iambic pentameter and features rhyming couplets in sets of 12 lines stanzas. These were popularly known as heroic couplets, but may take the status of 'cowardly couplets' if the poem annoys or bores you.
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