Humor Non-Fiction posted July 27, 2015

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Strange encounter at a movie cinema

Doggy Woggy

by wordsfromsue

After my last story, "I'll Tell You What Bugs Me", I realized it was the second story I've written within a cinema setting. I reminisced and remembered more than a few events in my life which have taken place in theaters.

In no particular order: I've experienced many indignities in various movie theaters, including incontinence, having a massive pulmonary embolism while building a Vin Diesel display, and, as my last post revealed, emitting noxious gas after eating too much popcorn. The humbling experiences didn't stop there. My son's birth was nearly brought on by me running for the bus after watching Mel Gibson in 'Payback', and years later, as that same son and I built our first display for the Florence Rave, I lost my balance and stumbled. My son, trying to catch me, ended up losing HIS balance. The patrons walking by clearly didn't know what to make of the rather bizarre scene before them: a middle aged lady flopping about like a turtle on its back or the mortified teenager trying to disappear into the floor! Although those occurrences were mostly about my embarrassing situations, what happened when my friend Linda and I went to the matinee of 'Indecent Proposal' years ago still makes me laugh when I think about it.

Shortly after arriving at the Esquire Cinema, we noticed an oddball human known around town for his albino features, sharp jagged teeth, tweed jacket and twirling umbrella, was also in attendance. On this day, he chose to sit directly behind us. No biggie. Yet.

During the film, whenever the Labrador playing Woody Harrelson and Demi Moore's pet appeared on screen, a guttural "Doggy Woggy...bwuh huh huh..." came from the man behind us. The first time, Linda and I looked at each other and quietly laughed.

Subsequent mutterings of "Doggy Woggy" accompanied by enthusiastic breathing occurred every time the canine appeared. We were getting a bit annoyed, but hesitated to turn around and say anything. I think we were afraid what we might see. Linda leaned over and stated, in a disgusted tone, "That's it! If I feel something on the back of my head, I'm gonna scream!" I snorted and we both laughed.

Doggy Woggy took the hint and quieted down for the rest of the film. As the credits rolled, we stayed seated while patrons exited. Turning to leave, we both jumped. Creepy guy stood in the aisle, his wallet open and revealing a sizable wad of cash. "Didn't you girls think the movie was... interesting?" We looked at each other with a "What the heck?" expression, at a loss for words. His reactions during the movie made it clear humans didn't do much for him, I was at a loss as to WHY he was flashing cash at us. My cynical side, however, wondered just how much cash he would offer, and for what? Ignoring my curiosity and regaining my composure, I did what any good friend would do. I beat a hasty path up the aisle, leaving poor Linda stuttering a reply. With relief, I heard Linda making a hurried exit behind me.

We bolted outside and broke out laughing. Comparing thoughts on what a freaky experience that had been, we looked up to see Doggy coming out of the theater. Momentarily sounding like teenagers, we both let out girlish screams and ran down the street, laughing all the way!

For years, all it took was a guttural "Doggy Woggy" to reduce us to belly laughs and gasping tears. It was a long time before I could see a canine on screen without hearing an echo of that strange voice.


I wanted to thank Crystal Clear for the gorgeous photo of 'Chopper'.

This memory, while definitely strange, makes me miss the crazy adventures of my youth when we laughed at the silliest things.
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