General Fiction posted April 30, 2015

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A assignment so read the notes

Student fees

by dmt1967

The clatter of the letterbox woke Ted. He yawned. ‘The post is here.’

Betty jumped out of bed and scrambled to the door. She picked up the letters and rifled through them.

Ted sat up and glanced in her direction. ‘What are you looking for?’

Betty pulled out an official-looking envelope and ripped it open. She skimmed the letter and her face fell. ‘Oh hell!’ She threw herself on the bed and covered her head with the pillow.

Ted frowned. ‘What’s up?’

Betty threw the letter at him. ‘Look! Just look!’

Ted rolled out of bed and retrieved the letter. ‘It’s from the university…’He read some more. “Great, you passed your first year…’

‘Not that bit. I don’t care about that bit,’ Betty muttered. ‘The end, read the end.’

Ted started to read the rest of the letter. ‘The rest of it is about the fees next year… Oh, shit.’ His jaw dropped. ‘HOW MUCH?’

‘Now you see why I’m so upset.’ Betty sobbed. ‘I can’t afford that. I’m strapped as it is, even with my two jobs.’

Ted rose and put his arms around his girlfriend. ‘We’ll manage. I’ll help you.’

Betty pushed him away. ‘Oh, don’t be absurd,’ she scoffed. ‘You haven’t got that kind of cash. Besides, what about your fees? That’s fifteen grand for me, and twelve grand for you… That’s twenty-seven grand. Where are we going to get twenty-seven grand from?’ She kicked the wall.

Ted opened his mouth, but before he could utter a word of comfort, he heard a knock on the door. Ted sighed, and opened the door.

‘Hi, has Betty got her fee letter yet?’ Her wild best friend, jasmine moaned as she pushed past Ted and entered the studio flat.

Ted groaned. That’s all I need, a hysterical girlfriend and her mad impulsive friend.

Jack, her long-suffering boyfriend shrugged as he followed her in. ‘Sorry, mate.’

Jasmine sat on the bed and the two girls hugged each other.

Betty shook her head. ‘What are we going to do?’ She wailed to her best friend.

Jasmine caught Betty’s eye. ‘Jack had a great idea.’

Ted sighed. I bet it’s a mad idea and I bet it’s not his, but hers.

Jack smiled and his eyes sparkled. ‘We could always rob a bank.’

Jasmine sat up. ‘Actually, that’s not a bad idea.’

Ted turned his back on them, and there it is. ‘And how are we going to pull this off? Where are we going to get the guns from? Or do you think if we say “please miss, we are poor students, let us rob your bank. They will hand over the money.”’

Jasmine turned to Betty with a twinkle in her eye. ‘It will be like when we were kids. Remember old man Roper when we stole drink money?’

Ted threw his hands in the air. ‘That was an old drunk who didn’t know what day it was. This is a modern day bank, with the state of the art security system.’

Jasmine poked her tongue at him. ‘You don’t have to be a part of this.’ she bent down beside Betty and took her hands. ‘What do you think?’

Betty gazed around the room. Her eyes rested on Ted. ‘We have to. I can’t take another loan out and I’m working two jobs already. Please Ted.’    

Ted sighed. He could never say no to Betty. ‘Ok, but no one gets hurt, right?’

Jasmine grinned. ‘Cool, my cousin owns a lighter shop and he has some realistic Berettas in at the moment. We won’t have to shoot anyone, and as long as no one gets close, they should fool the bank clerks and the customers.’  

Betty turned towards Jasmine. ‘When?’

Ted rolled his eyes. ‘It will have to be the bank in the square. They’re the only bank around here that hasn’t been modernised. I heard they are getting a new state of the art one next Tuesday, so it will have to be before then.’   

Jasmine giggled. ‘We will meet next Monday outside the bank at one o’clock and commence Operation Bank Robbery, then.’

‘Bank robbery?’ the rest of the group said in unison.

Jasmine shrugged. ‘It’s hard to come up with a cool name.’

Ted rolled his eyes. This venture has disaster written all over it.       
Ted and Betty stood outside the bank and peered in.

‘You ready?’ a voice said behind them.

Ted jumped and spun around. ‘Don’t do that,’ he scowled.

Jasmine laughed. She threw a carrier bag at them. ‘I got us some masks.’

Jasmine reached into another bag and pulled out the replica guns. She handed them out, took the rubbish and threw it in the bin.

Ted pushed the door and held it open for the others. He stood just inside the doorway and kept watch. She nodded and put the mask on. ’Right, are we all ready?’

Her three friends nodded.

Betty pulled her mask down, and the others followed her lead.

She marched up to the woman behind the cashier counter and waved the gun at her. ‘Give me all the money.’

‘Can I help you, miss?’

Betty pointed her gun. ‘Give me all your money.’

‘Sorry, miss. I can’t understand you with that mask on.’

Betty frowned and glanced at Jasmine.

Jasmine sighed and walked to the middle of the bank. ‘This is a stick up,’ she shouted in her best gangster accent. ‘On the floor, NOW!’

No one moved.

‘What are they waiting for?’ Jack whispered to Ted.

‘I think they’re waiting for the bang of the gun and the tiles of the ceiling to fall.’

‘Oh,’ Jack whispered. ‘You think they saw the same movie we did?’

Ted pursed his lips and stared at Jack. ‘You think.’

Jack’s eyes darted around the bank. ‘Now what?’

Ted shrugged. ‘Now, we get out of here as fast as we can and hope everyone thinks it’s a joke.’ He rolled his eyes. ‘Go get the girls.’


Jack jumped. ‘What’s that?’

Ted massaged his temples. ‘That is the sound of the police.’

Jack frowned. ‘Maybe, if we tell them it’s a joke…’

Ted rolled his eyes. ‘Go get the girls,’ he hissed. ‘I’ll go outside and try to explain. With a bit of luck we might get a slap on the wrists.’

Jack nodded.

He walked up to the two girls. ‘It’s over,’ he whispered.

The girls exchanged glances and lowered the guns. ‘Just as well,’ Betty grumbled. ‘No one is paying us the blindest bit of attention. They must think this is a prank.’

‘Well someone didn’t. There’s a police car outside. Ted has gone out to…’


‘What was that?’ cried Betty.

‘It came from outside,’ Jack gasped.

The friends ran to the door and pulled it open.

Ted lay on the floor in a pool of blood. A group of police officers approached the body and bent over it.

‘Good, the sniper got him before he killed anyone. ’A young officer whispered as he looked down at the young man lying in a pool of blood.

Betty tried to run to her lover, but Jasmine put a hand on her arm. ‘They haven’t seen us yet. They think he’s the only one. No point in all of us getting into trouble.’

She took the guns, threw them in the bin, and pulled Betty out of the bank and up the street.

As they passed the group of officers, she heard the sergeant say ‘He’s only a kid. I wonder what possessed him to do something like this.’
Betty glanced back and a tear trickled down her cheek as she walked away from the man she loved.     


This is another assignment, and the big one. It is worth 50 % of my marks, so I would really appreciate it.
The things the examiners are looking for are,
LANGUAGE, this refers to clarity and precision; metaphors, stylistic flourish etc.
VOICE; this refers to creation and sustaining the voice; tone, dialogue, point of view etc.
STRUCTURE; this refers to organisation; showing and telling in the right places.
IDEAS; this refers to the content or theme.
PRESENTATION; spelling and grammar

What do you think of the title? The word count needs to be between 1200 and 1300.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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