General Non-Fiction posted November 28, 2014 Chapters:  ...19 20 -21- 22... 


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Another thorn in my life

A chapter in the book She Did, Right -Now She Does Write

Manic-depression Rears Its Ugly Head

by patcelaw












Manic-depression Rears Its Ugly Head

This story is a time when God allowed for more thorns in my life, but by having the treatment, He was also giving me roses for my garden.

After several years of being symptom free from the throes of manic depression, in late 1991 I became very depressed. I wanted to take my own life, but wanted to take the life of others with me. I knew I was in trouble mental health wise and I reached out, telling the people I was with what I was thinking. These lovely friends took control. They called my husband and took my keys. Then they took me home.

After I arrived home, my husband called my doctor and told her what I was struggling with. My doctor then called the mental health hospital and told them she was sending me there to be evaluated. When I got to the hospital I was evaluated and it was determined I should be hospitalized for my safety and for the safety of others. Being in the hospital was not scary for me, as I had been hospitalized before for this awful problem.

It was at this hospital that I would learn many new things about myself and how to handle anger  within me because of hurts of my past. At one point I was put into a room with padding on the walls, given a pair of boxing gloves and told to box the padding until I could no longer lift my arms. As I did this, I was letting go of the anger I was feeling.

Another time the counselor was pressuring me about wether I had been sexually abused as a child. She hammered the point so hard that I became angry at her. Many times when I become angry like I was that day, I cry. She then told me I had told her more with my tears than with my answers to her. She was so very wrong. As she surmised I had been sexually abused as a child, which was not the case.

In the hospital I took part in the activities. There was art therapy, which I liked so much. We had group therapy which I found helpful. Many patients would deny they had a problem and would not work to get well, It was my desire to be well and back home with my dear husband.

Each day as we moved through our day, we were escorted from place to place with the attendants locking an unlocking each door for us. We were in a very protective place. Being in this situation for days and weeks tends to make a person become dependent on others.

I was in the hospital for 22 days as my medicine adjusted and I no longer wanting to do bad things to myself and others. On the morning before I would leave the hospital, our group therapy had a time to present imaginary flowers to the person who was leaving. One of the flowers given to me was a carnation, which just happens to be my favorite flower. Next a rose was given me, and the person giving it to me said, "I am giving Patricia this rose as I smell a sweet fragrance when I am with her." Next a young man gave me a bouquet of wild flowers as he saw me as a fun loving person. Lastly our counselor gave me an allium and said, "Patricia, I am giving you this flower as I see you as one high above the field." That became a big ego boost at a time when I felt like my self esteem was at its lowest point.

The next morning I went home. At home I was almost fearful as I was no longer in a place of great protection with others taking care of my every need. It took me several days to adjust to not being in a place that was not locked. It was so good to be home with my dear sweet husband who was my constant friend through all my difficulties.

I am telling this part of my story so others who are having mental health issues will seek help. There is help, we just need to seek the help and not be ashamed of the illness. Our brains sometimes break down as our bodies break down.
So, please if you are reading this and are depressed, seek help.

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