Humor Poetry posted July 7, 2014

This work has reached the exceptional level
Senseless fun. You know, like always...

Butt...I'm King Tut!

by Dean Kuch

Butt...I'm King Tut!

 photo Mummy_Out_Toilet_Paper-1md_zps597d9b98.jpg


Oh, Mummy, what's a King to do

when there's no paper near the loo?

These bandages are all I've got,

to wipe my bottom's jungle rot!

Not only am I now a corpse,

guess I should use some bloody corks,

to block my gushing derrière,

there's no stopping it, not a prayer!


Porcelain throne calls out my name,

my rep now tarnished with the stain,

of ancient crap and gooey stuff,

as I unravel, boy, it's tough!


No one near to change my dressing,

the flow must go on,  I'm guessing!

Ankhesenamun, my dear wife,

forsook me in the afterlife.


Doused now with my body fluids,

rotting here among the Druids,

I'm filthy mummified remains,

a tattered, jumbled wad of skeins.


So, Mummy, here's a tip for you;

before you sit upon the loo

to drop your stinking load of crap,

make sure, at least, you're tightly wrapped.


If it's just flatulence you've got,

and you get queasy on the pot,

have something near to wipe your butt...

or you'll unwind like Old King Tut!


 photo mummyfart011_zpsd75457f0.gif


When the ancient Egyptian King, Tutankhamun ( more commonly known to most as King Tut) came into power in 1332 BC, he married his half-sister, Ankhesenpaaten, who later changed her name to Ankhesenamum. They had two daughters, both stillborn. You think maybe incest had a little to do with that? Yeah, go figure, right?

So sorry if anyone was offended in any way by the toilet humor in this. My muse has been exceptionally nasty today.

Thanks so much for reading anyhow!
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