Satire Fiction posted May 14, 2014

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A disqualified kidnapping contest entry...500 words

Kid Nappings on Waverly Street

by Dean Kuch


Kid Nappings on Waverly Street


I smell them; their repugnant odor seeps beneath the bathroom door. This barrier is the only thing keeping them from taking me on some hell-bent ride to God knows where. Oh, the sounds they're making. It's enough to make the hairs on the back of anyone's neck stand at attention.

There's three of them in all. The girl is the worst of the bunch. A vile creature, with a heartless vicious streak. When they first brought me here, she was the one who stared me down. Her lips were bright red, like blood exposed to oxygen. I shied away from her cold, calculating stare. It turned the blood in my veins to ice water.


I know exactly why I'm here. That's what terrifies me most.

There... sh-h-h-h-h-h-h, quiet. Maybe if I listen closely, I'll be able to ascertain what they're up to. Maybe it'll buy me enough time to plan my escape.


Hear that? The screaming has stopped; it's quiet now — too quiet. They're planning something despicably evil to get me; I can feel it. Ten-thirty in the evening. Someone should have been back here to rescue me by now. The ladies got out just in time, right before the fecal matter hit the proverbial rotating blades. They've been gone long enough to bring back reinforcements. Where are they? Why have they abandoned me? I want to go home...

That's it! They don't understand the dire circumstances I'm facing. It has to be. The money they'd offered me to do this job wasn't enough. If only I had known it would come to this, I would have refused their generous offer. Hah, generous...that's a laugh! There's no amount of money worth this.


Why hadn't I grabbed my cell before I ran in here? I could have called for help. If I were dirt, I'd be about an acre.


Whu...? Glass! That's glass breaking! I knew it, they're planning to do me in. sounds like it's coming from the far wall, over where...

The bar! Oh, please, not the bar. There are fifteen-year-old bottles of Maker's Mark Scotch in that bar. They're unopened, too, with the tell-tale red wax seals completely intact. Wait, there's another sound. It sounds like a... It is! I see them down in the street by the curb. Oh, thank God, they're back. It's going to be okay.


I'm going out there now. Quietly...oh, so quietly...


Where are they? Oh, thank goodness, it wasn't the scotch they'd gotten into. The Smirnoff and a few tumblers busted. Nothing too serious. The bedroom, I can see them in the bedroom! I should have known this was coming.


“Hey, honey. Everything go okay? You look a little pale...”

“Me? No, I'm good.”

“Oh-h-h—kay... Where are the children?

“Who? Oh, them ...  the kids. They're napping.”

“Sweetie, we appreciate you keeping an eye on them for us.”


"All right — ladies night out agian next Friday, girls!"

"Uh-h-h, honey? About that..."


*500 words*

The contest rules state as follows, and I quote: "You are challenged to write a story about a kidnapping."
Well...there are actually three kids napping in my story, so I fulfilled the contest obligations thrice.

Okay, okay, I realize I took some liberties with the word, "kidnapping" -- Kid Nappings -- However, I meant well.

Just having a little bit of fun, folks. I hope you did too.

Thanks so much for reading.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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