Just Once
(Free Verse)





Sometimes
I touch the inner pain within
And then
it comes again
Deep
From the unhealed wound
in my soul

A latent legacy from my childhood

That yearning void
A desire
To be approved
To be loved
By my father

A stern man
Quick to anger
Hard to please

But mostly
A need to feel
Some worth

I recall these things
At unexpected moments
Whenever I see a father
And son interacting
In a positive way

It might be during a movie
Or watching a TV show
Or even out and about
Where people are doing
Their thing

Then the tears
That I don't want to
Even acknowledge exist
Stream from my eyes
I try to hold them back
I fight them back
But they come anyway
These unwanted feelings
That I thought I buried

Oh,
To only hear those words
Those words I tried
And tried
And tried
To elicite
But never came

Just once
But they never came
Not once

Would it have been too hard to hear?
Or
Maybe just feel?

These words
"I'm proud of you son"

Alas

Never

And now you are gone.