The dictionary definition of the word freedom is, “the condition of being free: independence.” I start my story with this word simply because freedom was what I wanted in my life. I once heard a story about a young boy who spent his time moaning about life. This is how it goes. 

The boy and his father, a minister, went to see some friends. One of them put a question to the young boy, "What will you be when you grow up?"  

The young boy grunted. 

"Will you be a doctor, a teacher, or maybe a minister?” the friend said again.  

The young boy looked at the friend. 

The boy`s father replied, "He will grow to be an old man, just an old man!" 

I never thought much about getting old, I loved life. As a young child my surroundings were both serene and tranquil. I had a happy childhood. My mother and father loved their family which consisted of four boys. 

My childhood was a time of adventure and discovery. I had friends who kept me playful, inquisitive, and always content. The gang of children surrounding me at this time of my life were devoted to each other, each with their own gift of persuasion. We loved to spend hours running around the village chasing one another, and doing what kids do. 

My father was a strong, tall, balding man whom I cherished. He let me play on the fishing boats on which he was working. As a marine electronics engineer he would be fixing radar systems. After a hard day`s work we would return to a well-covered dinner table, also to my three brothers with their grubby hands. Life in Lochinver was never quiet. I knew what real freedom was from a child's point of view.   

My parents were well versed in the word of God teaching me to respect God from an early age. My father was a lay preacher. I always accompanied him on his weekly walk to the Church. Here he would preach faithfully. To walk with a man is to know a man ... can two walk together except they are agreed?

He was by submission to his call faithful, and as children we accepted his faith. I can honestly say, knowing what faith is now, I trusted his judgment over me outwardly. However, I did not know the same saving faith as my father had known when I was a child. I certainly did not know God`s gift of faith personally. I did not know it as an inward soul felt passion, as in my father`s example. 

I was not a regenerated Christian. I was not someone who had professed a belief in Jesus Christ through being changed by God`s Holy Spirit. The knowledge of this regeneration came to me later in my adult years; with it came true freedom and liberty … Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.

As a child I was under the Law of the Gospel. I grew to become a teenager and the Law worked in my soul continuously to prove my sin, also the death that that sin would yield. I remember after being in the company of my father for many years, as I sat to watch him leave this world, I questioned my personal need for salvation.  

I had accepted this man's faith and the faith of my Mother, but the question struck me personally; did I have faith?  The honest answer, I was still blind in my sin and a stranger to the almighty God of heaven.  

Teenage life was very different from my younger years. As I grew in age, I grew as a sinner. I was a child who seemed to know no boundaries and, as such, I searched the boundaries of this life with its sin. I was never ashamed of what I had become. What had I become? Well, I was no longer in a condition of freedom or independence. 

I was a slave to the vices of this world and the foolishness of youth. There were very few occasions when I stopped to actually consider God's hand upon my life. However, I could not understand what I was supposed to do to make things right. 

My conscience was seared and my life was a snare of depression, addiction, and lust. Where the Law of the Gospel works you will reap nothing but self-despair, and this was what my life had become. I knew the common grace of God in my life, but as to his special effectual grace I knew nothing of it.   

To anyone who feels the same despair as I did, I recommend prayer.  The prayer of repentance.  I wanted to turn my life around. I wanted to change. I wanted to be righteous. As my brother used to say to his children, "I want doesn't get!"  The true change of soul had to come from God. 

The Law of God`s Gospel had worked in my soul revealing the knowledge that I was a vile, filthy, sinner; there was no escape. All that I needed to do in my condition was die, unsaved and unforgiven. However, the despair of sin is only half the story... the other half is yet to be told. Grace … amazing grace!