I see you when I close my eyes
the way that you appeared in our bedroom
fully naked like some warrior
devoid of brilliant body paint
fierce in your wanting me
some tiny part of your spirit gentled by my touches

Somehow
you appeared relaxed yet
with nerves so raw they danced feverishly upon your skin
parallel emotions are revealed in your eyes
there exists the whole of a poem in those eyes
a poem that i know
i will never write

My mirror has changed
not entirely the result of a terrible haircut
i could say that three times
click my heels
still it will be a ghastly hair cut
"a chemo cut"
there are purple shadows beneath my eyes
bruises and angry eruptions splatter across
my belly...my limbs...and on my breasts
proof positive of a weakening immune system

How do I classify these new tears?
if they come in quiet-hot-cleansing-streams
is that not better than those that
torment my lungs in desperate-choking-gasps and
turn my leaky eyes puffy and red?
often my eyes simply fill up
tears slip free
barely noticed and rarely acknowledged

You have been
my friend...my lover...and best of all my muse
you have drizzled the warm oil of a muse's magic into my waiting palms
releasing the manna of my words
they abound
fitting themselves round each other to form sonnets and stanzas

There will come a day when
the siren chant of my words will prove less enchanting
when that day comes
i will ask my god to make me
blind...deaf...and simple
so that i cannot witness or comprehend the departure
of our un-equaled joy and your un-matched beauty

Leave me dearest one when
you can no longer sit at my bedside
looking neither left nor right...only straight ahead
walk away from me at this final hour
with more courage than either of us have ever shown before

Once before you go
press your lips to mine
you will find that they remain warm and softly supple
a joyous surprise in these last moments
we have been given a gift
to see ourselves as once we looked to one another
rejoicing in the knowledge that this is not an ending
simply...another beginning

Now dearest one
walk away in silent stocking feet and
please...please...please
dont look away and don't look back.