| Humor Fiction posted January 18, 2013 |
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Instructions for FanStory writers (reviewer pic included)
10 FanStory No-No Replies
by Deniz22
This list is not personal with me, as I have never received anything but six stars for my efforts. However, I do know there are some thin-skinned writers on here who need some instruction and reinforcement in the delicate art of replying to less than rosy reviews.
So I have collected from some mature writers on FanStory, nasty replies they once shot like electronic arrows at roughneck reviewers. These were uniformly taken from their early years before they had acquired maturity.
Such seasoning comes from being beaten down, insulted, misunderstood and generally manhandled by gangs of grammarians roaming the FanStory plains, seeking fresh kills of FanStory newbies. Adjust or move on, grow or grovel. Just remember, FanStory dollars are non-negotiable on other sites.
Shall we begin? Ten No-No Replies to Bad Reviews:
1. You suck!
2. I am so sorry that you lack the aesthetic appreciation of a fruit fly.
3. Hey, don’t give up your day job, cause you ain’t got no future as a
reviewer.
4. Whad’ya mean it “didn’t rhyme and the punctuation was wrong?” I meant to do that!
5. I can’t take you seriously because you are against my (race? religion? gender?).
6. I appreciate your review but must confess that the misspellings and atrocities committed against the most rudimentary rules of grammar made it difficult to read or to take seriously.
7. I’m sorry you were offended by my use of bad words but must commend you on the soft porn I found in your portfolio. Well written! Every T explicitly crossed, that’s for sure.
8. Just because you saw some correlation between my Away With The Breeze and Gone With The Wind does not give you the right to charge me with plagiarism! A lot of things happened in Atlanta during the Civil war and a lot of Southern women named Red lived in mansions, had slaves and romances. And some of their men folk were as handsome as Clark Gable and plenty were named Brett Waiter! So back off!
9. Hey, before you criticize me, read up on the form that rankatanka poetry is supposed to take. How much could you do, genius, with three words of two syllables ?
10. I’m sorry I can’t reply in detail to your scathing, ignorant review as I have to meet with Simon and Schuster to sign the final papers on my book deal. Ta-Ta..
This list is not personal with me, as I have never received anything but six stars for my efforts. However, I do know there are some thin-skinned writers on here who need some instruction and reinforcement in the delicate art of replying to less than rosy reviews.
So I have collected from some mature writers on FanStory, nasty replies they once shot like electronic arrows at roughneck reviewers. These were uniformly taken from their early years before they had acquired maturity.
Such seasoning comes from being beaten down, insulted, misunderstood and generally manhandled by gangs of grammarians roaming the FanStory plains, seeking fresh kills of FanStory newbies. Adjust or move on, grow or grovel. Just remember, FanStory dollars are non-negotiable on other sites.
Shall we begin? Ten No-No Replies to Bad Reviews:
1. You suck!
2. I am so sorry that you lack the aesthetic appreciation of a fruit fly.
3. Hey, don’t give up your day job, cause you ain’t got no future as a
reviewer.
4. Whad’ya mean it “didn’t rhyme and the punctuation was wrong?” I meant to do that!
5. I can’t take you seriously because you are against my (race? religion? gender?).
6. I appreciate your review but must confess that the misspellings and atrocities committed against the most rudimentary rules of grammar made it difficult to read or to take seriously.
7. I’m sorry you were offended by my use of bad words but must commend you on the soft porn I found in your portfolio. Well written! Every T explicitly crossed, that’s for sure.
8. Just because you saw some correlation between my Away With The Breeze and Gone With The Wind does not give you the right to charge me with plagiarism! A lot of things happened in Atlanta during the Civil war and a lot of Southern women named Red lived in mansions, had slaves and romances. And some of their men folk were as handsome as Clark Gable and plenty were named Brett Waiter! So back off!
9. Hey, before you criticize me, read up on the form that rankatanka poetry is supposed to take. How much could you do, genius, with three words of two syllables ?
10. I’m sorry I can’t reply in detail to your scathing, ignorant review as I have to meet with Simon and Schuster to sign the final papers on my book deal. Ta-Ta..
So I have collected from some mature writers on FanStory, nasty replies they once shot like electronic arrows at roughneck reviewers. These were uniformly taken from their early years before they had acquired maturity.
Such seasoning comes from being beaten down, insulted, misunderstood and generally manhandled by gangs of grammarians roaming the FanStory plains, seeking fresh kills of FanStory newbies. Adjust or move on, grow or grovel. Just remember, FanStory dollars are non-negotiable on other sites.
Shall we begin? Ten No-No Replies to Bad Reviews:
1. You suck!
2. I am so sorry that you lack the aesthetic appreciation of a fruit fly.
3. Hey, don’t give up your day job, cause you ain’t got no future as a
reviewer.
4. Whad’ya mean it “didn’t rhyme and the punctuation was wrong?” I meant to do that!
5. I can’t take you seriously because you are against my (race? religion? gender?).
6. I appreciate your review but must confess that the misspellings and atrocities committed against the most rudimentary rules of grammar made it difficult to read or to take seriously.
7. I’m sorry you were offended by my use of bad words but must commend you on the soft porn I found in your portfolio. Well written! Every T explicitly crossed, that’s for sure.
8. Just because you saw some correlation between my Away With The Breeze and Gone With The Wind does not give you the right to charge me with plagiarism! A lot of things happened in Atlanta during the Civil war and a lot of Southern women named Red lived in mansions, had slaves and romances. And some of their men folk were as handsome as Clark Gable and plenty were named Brett Waiter! So back off!
9. Hey, before you criticize me, read up on the form that rankatanka poetry is supposed to take. How much could you do, genius, with three words of two syllables ?
10. I’m sorry I can’t reply in detail to your scathing, ignorant review as I have to meet with Simon and Schuster to sign the final papers on my book deal. Ta-Ta..
 Recognized |
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All in fun! Now repress those basic instincts to lash out at a bad review. I'm told they hurt. Remember not every reviewer is not a bad person. :)
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