I lay down my lacquered thin chopsticks on the ivory inlaid chopstick rest. Ah, that last bite of seaweed salad was heavenly.

"Alvin-san, you gotta help me!"

Does Bruce-san have a psychic bell that goes off in that brain of his that tells him when and where I am eating?

"Bruce, what do you want? How did they let you in?" I look down at my tailored Brooks Brothers suit.

"Whaddyamean?"

He is dressed in a white T-shirt with the Japanese flag on it and ragged jeans. Maybe they thought he was a rock star. Obviously they haven't heard him sing.

"Oh, nothing, Bruce. How may I help you?"

"Hiromi loved that tanka I wrote..."

You didn't write it, Bruce; I did. How can an anime character love something? Can anime characters have emotions?

"And now she wants me write another haiku."

Another? Bruce-san, the first time you tried to write a haiku, you came up with

roses are red
violets are blue
I love you

Hardly a haiku.

"So where do we start?" Bruce interrupts my train of thought, which was starting to derail anyway.

We?

"Bruce, you need to take a class."

"Great, I'll take your haiku class on the site you teach on..."

"Bruce, you need to read an essay first. What do you know about haiku?"

"Haiku are usually but not always about nature. They have a breathing count of short/long/short."

He does listen to me! Will wonders never cease?

"That's good, Bruce. You think you can take my advanced class in haiku?"

"Yeah, man, I'll do the reading. I am, like, so in love."

I am, like, so dead. He's going to be in my class! I have my work cut out for me. At least he listens to me.

"Ok, Bruce, you need to sign up quickly. There are only three seats left and it starts next week. You sure you don't want to take the introductory course, Shorter Poetic Forms? I am offering it again in October."

"October! I can't wait that long. I want to get into Hiromi's..."

"Haiku? Good, Bruce. I don't want too much information about you and Hiromi."

I wonder how I am going to explain this to my other students. Oh well, they are all kind and generous with their time. Maybe the women will like having a man in the class. But it IS Bruce...I hope he doesn't write them any haiku!

"Remember, Alv, I listen to everything you say."

Then how come you wrote such a lousy poem, Bruce? I guess love truly is blind.

"Hey, Bruce, did you think about my Blank Verse class?"

"No, what's that? Will Hiromi like the poems I'll write in that class?"

"It's a form Shakespeare used. Does she like Shakespeare?"

"Oh, yeah, she loved Macbeth."

Where are those witches when I need them?

"Great. Then maybe you should take that course, Bruce."

"I don't know. I don't rhyme too well. That's why I like haiku."

"Blank Verse doesn't rhyme. You just need to be able to learn rhythm."

"Hey, I love rap music! Doesn't that have rhythm?"

I might have known...

"I, uh, suppose it does."

I can just imagine the blank verse he'll write...

"Do I need to do anything for the class?"

"No, it's an introductory course. There are no prerequisites."

"Pre- what?"

"Oh, never, mind. Just hurry up if you want to sign up for it. There are only two seats left."

"Can I write love poems in that class?"

"Most assuredly, Bruce-san."

"Great, Alv. I'll sign up soon."

Well, maybe he'll stop calling me Alv and start calling me Teach, if he signs up.

"Sign up today, Bruce. Of which course are you thinking?"

"I don't know. I think I could write better love poetry in the Blank Verse class, but haiku sounds more fun..."

"Well, we'll have to get you up to speed on haiku. But I have done that with others quite successfully."

"Hey, what is this?" He plops his paw into my seaweed salad and stuffs the cavernous opening in his head. "It's pretty good."

"It's seaweed, Bruce."

"Ah, yuck... maybe I 'd better skip the haiku course and take the Blank Verse course."

"As you wish, Bruce."

At least since I am teaching online, I won't have to see what he wears...or eats....just writes!