| General Fiction posted June 17, 2011 |
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Where phone sex began
Oh, It's you.
by humpwhistle
Hello, you have reached the Eve residence.
Oh, it's you.
Yes, Adam, I know who you are. You're the pervert who called yesterday, and the day before that.
What? Yes, I know perfectly well that you're the only man on Earth. It's a sucky planet, what do you want me to say?
Uh-huh, privileges? To what privileges are you referring, you hairy, horny, drooling... ?
Ah, conjugal. Oh, those privileges! Well for those, you're going to need a credit card, another phone number, and divine freakin' intervention, you piece of...what?
Now, look here, buster, have you been smokin' your own fig leaves, or what?
Oh! Uh-huh, the Lord now? Seriously? You're going to invoke the name of the Lord just to get into my panties?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I don't have any panties, you know what I mean.
I see...really?... He told you what, now? The Lord... our Lord...He told you that I was created for the sole purpose of letting you introduce your what?...into my...what?
No! I've never done that before! With who, Bubala? You see Woody Allen sniffing around my hummanah-hummanah? What are you, mashuganah?
It means crazy, you goyim! Nuts! I'm asking are you out of your mind? What, you don't even speak Yiddish? Oy! If I had a mother, would she be wagging her finger at me!
What's that? Am I gay? No, I'm not on Prozac, if that's what you're asking. What is this gay?
Oh... uh-huh...Well, let me think about this so I get it straight...You're the only man on Earth, right?
Uh-huh...Okay, then, yes, I am definitely jolly.
Huh? Gay shmay, Mr. Semantics, I go the other way, so you take the hint and slink off and do whatever you need...
Watch? Did you just say you want to watch? Me and who, numb nuts? You missing any more ribs lately? 'Cuz if you aren't, it's just you and me, Sasquatch.
Huh? Oh, I don't know, just some tall, hairy dude I saw on the History Channel.
Meet you at the apple tree? Yeah, right, like that's going to happen.
Oh, stop it, you.
Okay, okay, I'll be there in five minutes. But I could use a nosh. Maybe you could bring some fruit?
One-Sided Telephone Conversation writing prompt entry
Hello, you have reached the Eve residence.
Oh, it's you.
Yes, Adam, I know who you are. You're the pervert who called yesterday, and the day before that.
What? Yes, I know perfectly well that you're the only man on Earth. It's a sucky planet, what do you want me to say?
Uh-huh, privileges? To what privileges are you referring, you hairy, horny, drooling... ?
Ah, conjugal. Oh, those privileges! Well for those, you're going to need a credit card, another phone number, and divine freakin' intervention, you piece of...what?
Now, look here, buster, have you been smokin' your own fig leaves, or what?
Oh! Uh-huh, the Lord now? Seriously? You're going to invoke the name of the Lord just to get into my panties?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I don't have any panties, you know what I mean.
I see...really?... He told you what, now? The Lord... our Lord...He told you that I was created for the sole purpose of letting you introduce your what?...into my...what?
No! I've never done that before! With who, Bubala? You see Woody Allen sniffing around my hummanah-hummanah? What are you, mashuganah?
It means crazy, you goyim! Nuts! I'm asking are you out of your mind? What, you don't even speak Yiddish? Oy! If I had a mother, would she be wagging her finger at me!
What's that? Am I gay? No, I'm not on Prozac, if that's what you're asking. What is this gay?
Oh... uh-huh...Well, let me think about this so I get it straight...You're the only man on Earth, right?
Uh-huh...Okay, then, yes, I am definitely jolly.
Huh? Gay shmay, Mr. Semantics, I go the other way, so you take the hint and slink off and do whatever you need...
Watch? Did you just say you want to watch? Me and who, numb nuts? You missing any more ribs lately? 'Cuz if you aren't, it's just you and me, Sasquatch.
Huh? Oh, I don't know, just some tall, hairy dude I saw on the History Channel.
Meet you at the apple tree? Yeah, right, like that's going to happen.
Oh, stop it, you.
Okay, okay, I'll be there in five minutes. But I could use a nosh. Maybe you could bring some fruit?
Oh, it's you.
Yes, Adam, I know who you are. You're the pervert who called yesterday, and the day before that.
What? Yes, I know perfectly well that you're the only man on Earth. It's a sucky planet, what do you want me to say?
Uh-huh, privileges? To what privileges are you referring, you hairy, horny, drooling... ?
Ah, conjugal. Oh, those privileges! Well for those, you're going to need a credit card, another phone number, and divine freakin' intervention, you piece of...what?
Now, look here, buster, have you been smokin' your own fig leaves, or what?
Oh! Uh-huh, the Lord now? Seriously? You're going to invoke the name of the Lord just to get into my panties?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so I don't have any panties, you know what I mean.
I see...really?... He told you what, now? The Lord... our Lord...He told you that I was created for the sole purpose of letting you introduce your what?...into my...what?
No! I've never done that before! With who, Bubala? You see Woody Allen sniffing around my hummanah-hummanah? What are you, mashuganah?
It means crazy, you goyim! Nuts! I'm asking are you out of your mind? What, you don't even speak Yiddish? Oy! If I had a mother, would she be wagging her finger at me!
What's that? Am I gay? No, I'm not on Prozac, if that's what you're asking. What is this gay?
Oh... uh-huh...Well, let me think about this so I get it straight...You're the only man on Earth, right?
Uh-huh...Okay, then, yes, I am definitely jolly.
Huh? Gay shmay, Mr. Semantics, I go the other way, so you take the hint and slink off and do whatever you need...
Watch? Did you just say you want to watch? Me and who, numb nuts? You missing any more ribs lately? 'Cuz if you aren't, it's just you and me, Sasquatch.
Huh? Oh, I don't know, just some tall, hairy dude I saw on the History Channel.
Meet you at the apple tree? Yeah, right, like that's going to happen.
Oh, stop it, you.
Okay, okay, I'll be there in five minutes. But I could use a nosh. Maybe you could bring some fruit?
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Writing Prompt Write a flash fiction story that is between 300 and 500 words. Imagine you are walking by an open door in your house. You overhear a private phone conversation. It is one-way, because you can only hear one person talking. Write about what they say. |
 Recognized |
No, Adam and Eve did not have Twitter accounts. That would be ridicules.
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