Humor Poetry posted February 28, 2011

This work has reached the exceptional level
A poem on some problems with creation

The Engineer's Tale

by rhymelord

 Dear Pilgrims, listen to my verse.

I wish to clarify

Some facts about the universe,

Of mountains, moons and sky.


Before the hills in order stood

God told His engineer,

"Let this be clearly understood,

I want small mountains here."

"So, nothing big or fancy, like

You did on Mars last night,

'Cos interest rates just took a hike

And credit's pretty tight."

"Righto, Boss," said his building team,

"It shall be as you say.

We have in mind the perfect scheme

We're sure you'll find OK."

Then, since it was the Seventh Day,

God took off to unwind,

Quite sure things would be done His way,

Exactly as defined.

But, engineers have great ideas

And building's in their genes.

The costs lie in accountants' spheres.

It's they who count the beans.

The Rockies were the first in line.

(But bigger than they'd planned)

The Andes, they were superfine,

The Alps were more than grand.

And, then the Big One they attacked,

Mount Everest the Great

And there it stood, their finest act,

The World's top real estate.

The Boss, of course, was still away,

Enjoying well earned leave,

But, He returned to work next day,

To check what they'd achieved.

Regrettably, Accounts phoned first,

With smug delight, to tell

The very thing He feared the worst,

"The budget's shot to Hell."

So, as He sought his engineers,

His mood was far from calm.

The steam from out His Heavenly ears

Was hotter than napalm.

He found them celebrating,

Rather pleased with all they'd done,

And quite certain that their rating

Would still be Number One.

Just one look at His visage

And their mood changed pretty fast.

They'd not seen Him in such a rage,

Since Satan was downcast.

But, 'ere He made them all convert

To ashes where they stood,

He looked upon this wondrous Earth

And what He saw was good.

And, there and then, God made a vow

That, till the end of time,

All engineers he would endow

With brains and looks sublime.

This story should be ended, but

Accounts were still irate,

Demanding programmes must be cut

To put the budget straight.

Ergo, to let them have their way,

God found some things to prune.

That's why the stars don't shine by day

And Earth has just one moon.

So folks, as you encounter

All these starless, moonless days

Just blame that damned bean counter

And his penny pinching ways.

Believe me when I say to you,

No matter what you hear,

I certify this tale is true.


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If there had been an engineer on the road to Canterbury,
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