Satire Fiction posted January 4, 2011

This work has reached the exceptional level
A well known writer is accused of plagiarism

The plagiarist

by c_lucas

The cell door clanged open and the morning light blinded me. SPAG's rats scurried to their holes.  The biggest hid in a pile of dangling participles and nibbled away.
"Get up, you filthy excuse for a writer! It's time for you to face the music." Evil Eddie's wicked laughter bounced off the walls. He kicked me in the butt.
I squirmed through the filthy debris of commas and sentence fragments. The nauseous odor of overused clichés filled my nostrils as I crawled backwards. I was forced to stop when my cuffed hands felt the blank wall that had been the downfall of better writers than me. Muffled sobs worked their way to my consciousness. My beautiful muse had not left my side during this hideous affair. She tried to help me to my feet, but I was too heavy.
"Get a move on. Judge Tom is waiting for you. I've already primed the reviewers' firing squad. They are organizing your punishment with glee." Eddie grabbed my muse by the shoulders and hurled her into what would have been my sure-fired best seller; pages scattered. "You're to blame for this."
My muse shook her head and slowly got to her feet. "I gave him nothing for this. I'm innocent."
I wondered where I went wrong.  The original book had a long run on the best seller list. My new and improved version would have had a longer run.
Hisses and lewd remarks from other imprisoned writers followed us down the hallway. I straightened my shoulders, and with my abused muse at my side, walked with my head high. They're jealous because they can't dream big.
The Judgment Hall shined brightly. I glanced at its talking portraits of master wordsmiths from throughout the ages adorning the wall. They won't hold my fate, but I'm sure they had their own thoughts as to what it should be. I stopped in front of Moses and winked. His image glared at me before saying, "Commandment One; Thou shalt not plagiarize!" Bill Shakespeare, the biggest sinner of all, tried to turn and face the wall when I passed. The modern wordsmiths, my benevolent peers, spit at me, screaming for my head. I noticed a black cloth covering my talking head.
Eddie kept pushing me forward while my muse clung to my shackled arm.  
My arch enemy, SPAG sneered at me. He leered at my muse who held my arm tighter. His rats took pleasure in ripping my posts apart.
"I'll beat you, yet!" I stared hard at his New Times Roman uniform, size twelve. He should be wearing a fourteen to hide his bony ass. His and Eddie's laughter was cut short.
The chamber door opened and Judge Thomas F. Story took his seat in the center of the marbled Committee Bench. Anonymous hooded committee members sat on either side of him. His two secretaries, Recognized and All Time Best hurried to their desks in front of the bench. His Sergeant at Arms, Quality Seal ("Q" for short), placed a twelve inch thick folder in front of him.
Judge Tom, as he is referred to in the literary world, peered down at me and licked his lips.
Not to be out done, I glared up at him, "Why am I still shackled?"  He waved his hand and my shackles fell to the floor. I put my arm around my muse and she tried to stop her sniffles.
"I am not surprised to see you in my court, again."  He shook his head. "You showed great promise."
The proverbial shit was about to hit the fan. (I had to throw a cliché in.) "I wanted to see your collection of talking heads and visit my old friends, Eddie and SPAG. Their worthlessness has to be reinforced."
SPAG glared at me while Eddie threw question marks and other symbols at me.
Judge Tom held up his hand and turned his attention to my muse who was in my favorite micro mini outfit. A low-cut dress, cut almost to her navel. The slits up the sides displayed her long firm legs. From his higher viewing point, he focused on her cleavage, with lustful eyes. "Do you want to be reassigned? I could use you on my staff."
She held me tightly and shook her head. I showed possession by draping my arm across her beautifully shaped derriere.  She wiggled closer to me, but I knew her action was just bravado.
"Did you know what he was doing?"
 She looked down and began to cry in earnest as she nodded.
"And you couldn't stop him?"
She bawled and shook her head with more vigor.
Judge Tom gave her a fatherly smile. "It's okay. Dry your eyes and put a smile on your pretty face. I find you innocent. My job offer stands if you ever want to leave him."
She clapped her hands, kissed me on my cheek and was gone. So much for loyalty … A disappearing muse ... How unique ... At least she didn't run to him.
Judge Tom took on a sterner look and flipped through the folder. He closed it and addressed me. "I have put up with your shenanigans because of your talent, but this time you've gone too far."
I searched through my mental repertoire and put on my most repentant mask. "The copyright expired centuries ago. I wanted to liven up his work. It's too drab and repetitive in places. Besides some of the authors he used copied others' work." I changed to a more comfortable mask of rebellion.
"I am appalled that you thought you could get away with this." He scribbled his sentence on a slip of paper and handed it to Q who glanced at it, smirked and handed it to All Time Best. "I am forbidding you to write one piece of creative work until you have corrected ten thousand faulty sentences. Each time you fail to correct the problem, an additional thousand will be added to your punishment. Now, get out of my sight!"
Eddie pulled at my arm, but I didn't budge. "What gave me away?"
"You dare ask?"
"A writer always wants to improve." I kept eye contact and Eddie quit pulling.
Judge Tom picked up the copy of my latest work and turned to the first page.
"Your arrogance as a writer and your fondness for the first person point of view gave you away. How you expected to pass this off as your work is beyond me." He adjusted his reading glasses and began to read aloud, "In the beginning, I created the heavens and the earth…."

Story of the Month contest entry


Thank you flygirl254 for the use of your image, "Creativity Outside of the Box."
The Holy Bible: Genesis 1:1: In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
SPAG = Spelling, Punctuation, and Grammar. Refers to errors.
Times New Roman = A type of font
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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