Writing Fiction posted July 13, 2009

This work has reached the exceptional level
a humorous review of a bogus piece of fiction

A Truly Honest Review

by fayesh

Your story about the vampire who couldn't control his craving for blood was a piece of work I would not expose to the sunlight for fear of decomposition like your precious vampire. It appears to me that this fiction was written under the influence of an alcoholic stupor or in a state of mental breakdown because your vampire reeks of issues other than his lust for blood. A vampire that insists on wearing plastic gloves for fear of contamination forgets that he is the one contaminating his victims. Also, the setting is by far the most ridiculous I have read - an Al-Qaeda stronghold? How in the Hell does a vampire end up in an Al-Qaeda stronghold? Is this because there are no crosses to stop him because of religion? Not only are there no crosses, but not enough blood to feed that sanitary vampire!    He would have done better in a more populated setting, like a kibbutz - no crosses there, and at least there would be a plentiful supply of "kosher blood," since he fears contamination.   Honestly, your setting was too, too farfetched.

I have tried to find some redeeming qualities in your writing, but all I find is a hodge podge of scenes that may have been the result of your last night's nightmare after binging on twenty burgers with your alcoholic chasers. I envision you burping your way through this whole writing process because I detect gross negligence with language and grammar. For example, you have one scene in "Yeah Man." Do you mean Yemen (a country in the Middle East)?

I was about ready to insist that Fanstory revoke your membership in the hopes that your piece of worthless fiction does not contaminate the other writers of vampire fiction.

Dear fiction writer, please, for the sake of your readers' sanity, try not hitting the bottle while writing or at least try to come back to Earth. Excuse me now, I need a stiff drink after reading this crap.

Squelched! writing prompt entry
Writing Prompt
Write a fictional review that would definitely get you squelched. It should be funny. Please don't base it on someone's actual writing and don't name names. Made up names are OK.


I'm sure if this was an actual review, It would have been squelched for the obvious reasons. No offense to anyone is intended in this bogus review.

333 words
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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