Gethsemane A Monolog.

I left my beloved apostles and trudged with a heavy heart to a lone place, some distance from them. I told them to watch and pray for me. I knelt down...

It was a dark and dreary night, and I knew that my earthly life would soon come to an end by torture of being impaled on that horrible cross. I knew the pain and agony would be humanly unbearable. But I would have to suffer it. Not for myself but for all my brothers and sisters now and forever upon this world. My life would slowly seep out of me as my life's blood dripped onto ground beneath me...

On my knees, "Father...Father..." I sighed, "...Father, take this cup, this responsibility from me!" I suddenly stood up in horror at the words that fell from my lips.

I was upset with myself as I marched back to my apostles. As I approached them I could see that they had fallen asleep. I woke them shouting, "Can you not stand by me this night!" I wasn't really angry with them but with my own weakness.

I turned about and went back to my spot of prayer. I fell to my knees once more, "Father, how can I do this? Take this cup from me..." Again I bounced to my feet. I shook my head and knelt back down once more, "Father ... I have to do this, it is my calling, my promise to my brothers and sisters, and to all creation. I'm all alone, give me the strength to do this ... I have to do this, it is my calling, for this I was foreordained before the foundation of the world."

I got up and went to my close friends, again they had dozed off. I started to reprimand them, then realizing what they would have to go through in the near future, I held my tongue. I knew that they would all suffer painful deaths for me and my gospel. I looked on them with compassion, "Sleep on my friends for soon you will have your trials...sleep on."

This time I went resolutely back to my place of prayer. Kneeling down I asked my Father to bless my apostles and any others that became my disciples. To help them become one in purpose with Him and me. To watch over them and to give them the strength they would need under all circumstance even as they faced death for our sake.

After this prayer I was ready to do what I had to do. I prayed as I knelt before my Father, "...not my will, but Thy will be done, Father..." I relaxed my will to my Father's will ... suddenly I felt totally alone. I reached out and using my Godly Redeeming Powers I began pulling all the hurts of the world into my body, mind and spirit. I began to suffer all the repented sins of my brothers and sisters of the world, before, now, and in the future. The agony of this cannot be described. This tremendous suffering of mind, spirit, and body cause me to sweat blood as I wreathed back and forth falling to the ground in my pain.

Many, many times I thought I've got to stop, I've got to escape this excruciating pain of spirit, mind, and body. But, I knew I had to keep my being open to this wretched torture. I forced myself to open my being wider and wider, pulling all the pain into my self. I felt that my body would dissolve from the agony that I was absorbing. That my spirit would flee to outer darkness. I had to do it, I had to take this suffering upon myself. I had to accept it and force myself to live through it. Countless times I thought, I am lost..." but I pulled myself back again and again, keeping conscious throughout the terrible ordeal...then suddenly it was over...

I felt like I was a puddle. I had no strength. I opened my eyes. I was totally exhausted, I couldn't move. Then I saw a light and my strength started coming back to me. I heard a moan as the light enveloped my being. My vision came back and I saw My Father kneeling before me, He laid his hands upon me and blessed me. He then helped me to stand upon my shaking legs. "I am well pleased with you, Jesus , my son. Now you must have the strength to go through your crucifixion..." He hugged me as tears rolled down His face. He wept for me. He told me many other things as the heavens opened up to me. I was given back my strength.

Then he looked into my eyes, "You have to do it alone," he sighed heavily, "My son, I...I...won't be able to watch tortured until you die. I might become a vengeful God and destroy this earth for their wickedness and stiff necks..."

"Father, we promised them in the beginning..." I looked through my tears into His glorious tearful eyes.

"Then I will have to hide myself in the nether parts of creation. I will have to shut myself from this earth as far as possible. It is too horrible to know how my children can treat themselves in this manner, let alone their God and Creator.

"I must go, my son: They come..." He ascended from me into the heavens...

I went back to arouse my apostles. John was half awake, "Who was that with you?" He asked sleepily.

I smiled and told him, "An angel."